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How to not care what others think? (self.asktrp)

submitted by rockyp32

For example this girl roasted me saying “you look like an autistic country singer” and I laughed but deep down it stung a little bit cause I used to have some autistic tendencies but I don’t anymore and I’ve moved past it but idk it just bugged me. I’m trying to find a way to not care about what others say but no matter what I think shit still bugs me. How do you think about shit like that?


[–][deleted] 161 points162 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

You worry about what others think, you worry about being mean, because you want to be liked. More than anything in the world, you want to be liked. You want to feel loved. You want to feel loved and that you are doing ok. You crave validation. You will put up with noise, with a low-value world, a world of randomness, a world of not achieving your goals, of letting the words of others bother you, because you care. You care so much. You would not dare to rock the boat, you would not dare to be left out, you're not ok with being left out. You worry about being included, than if you should include. You're not ready to walk away if you don't get what you want. Your concept of self is built around the opinion of others.

You will never be loved. You will never be liked for who you are. You will never have the attention and love of all those who you desire. Can you continue living life? Can you live a happy life? Yes. There is you and only you. You're the only thing that matters. You decide how you spend your time, who you spend your time with, and why. If you lie to yourself, you'll hate yourself. If you try to be somebody you're not, you'll hate yourself. Peel away at yourself to discover who you are, and safe and confident in that knowledge, the words or thoughts of others towards you become irrelevant, entertainment or a boundary to be established.

If you make yourself happy, while particular individuals in particular circumstances may not be happy, the world will be happy. The world wants you to win, it wants you to be happy within yourself. And once you're the master of your own mind, body and emotions, you can unashamedly be the master of the world. The world craves a master.

[–]elErnestoo14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow, thank you for this!!! Saving your comment, sadly cannot give you a gold, but I believe somebody will!

[–]idobermanlover12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This deserves to be a post on redpill. So I can save it.

[–]lokilis8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow. Highly applicable to my own mindset. This is quite elucidating.

[–]MisterRoid1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent post! I try to not care about what others say and think, but it can be hard to ignore sometimes and I end up feeling slighted although I should really not care and waste energy on negative thoughts. Reading stuff like this helps.

[–]fleur_avant1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I needed this.

[–]ksilvia121 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn now that's some wisdom!

[–]VOYEV0DA1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Holy fuck...How long did it take you to come up with this? This is some shakespeare level of writing, wow.

[–]miesepeter692 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

What to do if you don't want to be mean not to be liked but because people were mean to you in the past and you don't want to hurt the person? Honest question. I often feel like I'm too soft.

[–]OracleofFl5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think /u/embracingtheredpill is saying that if you crave this validation, you will always get hurt and be unhappy. I think his point is that you worry about being PERCEIVED as mean, not that you should be mean or that you are mean.

[–]omega_dawg932 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

the word is, "unapologetic."

you'll get there one day.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Absolutely. I've been practicing being unapologetic in my actions and desires over the past few weeks. Have you noticed how men get shamed for our very natural and basic biological desires? How our being a man itself is a problem and that we must apologise for our desires and our masculinity? I've stopped trying to apologise for my existence. I don't need to prove myself to anyone, I don't need to be scared of expressing my desire in a a healthy and constructive way. I deserve to be here. I don't need anyone's permission to be here, for my thoughts or my actions, and I do what I think is right and express what I think is right constructively. I don't hem and haw and worry about the thoughts of others, I do want to be tactful and have people be comfortable and happy around me, but I'm not interested in toeing their line or the line of others or society, or caring about their feelings if they're not in line with mine or if its not what I care about. I'm ok and happy to be me, and I think that's one of the biggest benefits of TRP for men. There is a sea of difference in my behaviour, I'm much more confident, internally, and happy, and my actions reflect that.

[–]omega_dawg935 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

good for you? don't ever apologize for being a man, being upfront about what you want & expect.

some people, esp hardcore feminists, expect the first words of male newborns to be, "I'm sorry i came out this way... help me hide my penis."

fuck dat.

be a man. do man stuff. tell people what's on your mind and don't apologize for your thoughts, comments, opinions, or interests.

and NEVER apologize for loving pussy and for letting women know you love pussy.

[–]TheBellThatSmells 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Man this is my first time ever giving gold, you deserve it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks!

[–]rockyp32[S] -4 points-3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great reply but how do I do that haha

[–]goldenshoelace82 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Really dude?

I think you are the only one who didn’t got it because that speech changed some wire in my brain, everything that speech says is fucking true, just by reading it you can give yourself an idea of how to do it, learn how to not give a fuck by going out to the real world and experience this stuff

[–]2319Skew41 points42 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Three things :

  1. You can make the world's greatest apple pie. There will be people who hate apple pie.

  2. Every second you exist is one that you can never get back as you March towards your grave. Make the most of your time.

  3. Outside of being socially inept, you shouldn't put higher value on strangers than you have for yourself. This goes double for anything that bleeds 5 days a month. My last plate started our date with a line about how she thought I was arrogant, rude and conceited. The night ended with me inside her. So learn to laugh it off.

A man makes his own path. Sometimes, it'll hurt but that's when you dig into your resolve. Women bitch and bemoan every hardship.

Advice : Meditation and solid foundation. Lift and abundance. Live a life that makes you happy.

Stay strong, brother.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

how do you get a solid foundation when you feel like you have been putting band aids on top of everything most of your life?

[–]2319Skew12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Shit this will be a long post.

Tl;dr: No one is going to fix you. You need to either rip those Band-Aid off. Or piecemeal your self improvement by doing one new betterment each day and swapping out the bad with the good. Usually with a visible goal in mind.

When you realize that you are responsible for the outcome that you have and take accountability for your actions, you become ready to sacrifice for your own growth.

Each man is different and the struggle is constant.

I will share with you a bit of my story to provide perspective.

Raised by single mother. Grew up with anxiety and a lot of trust and abandonment issues. Ironically, started to become red pilled on own.

Fell for a unicorn with a lot of hidden flags. 11 years of bad habits mixed in with amazing sex and some good times. Bullshit indoctrination fell through when son was born.

Went through hell for almost a year before realized that staying would result in me being destroyed as a person and ironically, had to leave to be a better father and man instead of being a beta cuck.

Broke my heart. Made me face all my fears. Got divorced. Ex got everything. Took half my money and made me spend the rest on legal. Went from good credit to bad to just see my own son. 3 judges and few lawyers later, courts finally realized I'm not a pos my ex painted me as and got to see my boy.

Went through depression, picked up bad habits to cope.

Dark thoughts entered my mind. I was broke, fat and emotionally all over the place.

Determination to not let her win and set my son up for success in spite of fuckery ex did in decisions.

Started on path to self improvement.

Killed my oneitus by sleeping with a lot of women. Red pill always works and despite me trying to to disprove it, kept being accurate on female nature.

Little by little started to replace bad habits. It's hard. Really hard. Deleted almost all social media. IG and Snap I use to game. Reddit, I read and help out my fellow men.

I made my finances an order. Pay myself first, invest and treat myself with every milestone I conquered. Went from tens of thousands in debt (after having 40k in savings) to now being able to buy a motorcycle cash.

This meant a lot of not going out and working hard.

Ironically, when you are busy and take care of yourself, it leads to more attention. Attention leads to sex. Sex I'm finding to be my last addiction.

I'll need to sacrifice some ass for my ultimate happiness.

I still struggle. Some days I skip a work out, pig out or listen to what a woman says instead of does.

But those days are decreasing and becoming fewer. Time and practice will help you to (just like bad habits) set you up for success.

But if you want some tips : lift, meditation, spend time in nature, plan for a future, delete social media, have three awesome friends and grow that group, always study, improve your style, side bar when bored, compete in sports and have a rotation with no desire to LTR.

[–]buddhismo_communismo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This was inspirational. Thank you bro!

[–]AJ_KG_JG1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Figure out what you want improve/fix about yourself/life, research how to do it, then take action. One step at a time.

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

Get a sharp tongue yourself by hanging around men with wit. You will never feel insecure because you know how to throw back.

[–]FuckboyAWALT19 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

When you’ve:

  1. gone through hell
  2. did the most awkward things in public
  3. got rejected so many times you stopped counting
  4. realized the opinion of others has no value

you will stop caring about what others think of you.

Go out and do some awkward stuff. Lay down or sing a country song in a pedestrian zone.

Eat 3 cloves of garlic and ask people where the next underground station is.

This will also help you to get out of your comfort zone.

[–]Ethifury8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is some great advice but holy shit that garlic line gave me a good laugh. I use to deal with people in sales who had that same smell.

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm sure the sales didn't go so well... unless it was a breath mint or toothpaste company.

[–]Ethifury0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh that wasn’t me that did that. It was the customers lol

[–]confusedpoptart28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best way to help is to remember that you will probably forget her and anyone's comment the day after. Peoples comments hold no substance beyond the current time. A girl can say you are amazing and fuck another dude the next day, no point fretting over words.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys11 points12 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Bro, work on your humor and loosening up, You could have agreed and amplified that so many ways, you would have had her rollinnggggggggg.! Ps- A girl is a 5 year old. Everything she says like that is a 5 year old calling you a poopy face, now doesn’t that sound kind of ridiculous? You got upset over a 5 year old calling you a poopy face.

[–]rockyp32[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

it was over snapchat so i did. I said "omg how sweet like blake shelton?" was that good? what would you have said

[–]Jabbermouth1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sometimes no response is the best response.

You may say “won’t that make me look butthurt?”

Maybe. But who gives af? You care too much about what other think of you. Stop caring so much.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

correct in some cases but she was obviously just trying to pick a playful banter war no harm done.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah that wasn’t too bad. But since it was Snapchat like you have the power to ignore or change the subject so easily if you don’t know what to say, also you don’t even have to respond this goes for person and snap you can just stare in her eyes and and smirk and give er a head nod you know, and she’ll probably feel like an idiot for saying something dumb to begin with, there’s a shit test encyclopedia read it, amused mastery would have worked well here.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

U think I should’ve ignored?

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You could have but I think you’re thinking too hard into these lol. Like I said in my first comment about them being 5 year olds, meaning never take The stupid shit a female says seriously and you won’t even notice your being shit tested.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah even if it was the wrong thing I spend too much time on it. I just wanted a god response that would hopefully set me up to hangout with her or fuck her

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Desensitize yourself by performing Autistic Country songs. Song title suggestions:

  • Don't want no man to look me in the eye

  • Ain't Got No Plans But To Wash My Hands

  • She Think My Tractor Sexy

[–]omega_dawg937 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"cool... want to be one of my background singers, or would you rather play my fiddle?"

[–]_Anarchon_7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

First off, you're supposed to care what others think. People that pretend they don't are often full of shit. So, don't beat yourself up too bad about it. The trick is, to only care what people you admire and respect think...not just anyone.

​

As for that, it just comes with confidence and having things going on in your life. Those aren't necessarily easy nor quick changes if you don't have them, and are beyond the scope of this discussion.

[–]goldenshoelace8-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I disagree, the simple fact of putting an external opinion above you makes you feel less

The best you can do is to not care about bad comments and even good comments, only go about by your own judgment and perception, yes! Good comments are good but you don’t need them to feel good, you only need your own internal validation

[–]pipeDRE4MS3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Even if it bugs you deep down never ever show it to them. Agree and Amplify, Disagree and Amplify or simply Pressure Flip.

"It takes one to know one" - with the widest grin on your face.

Watch them get flushed with embarrassment or laugh awkwardly to diffuse the situation for you.

[–]OilyB5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"What other people think of you,
Is none of your business."

  • Julius Caesar, Battle of Buenos Aires 1941

[–]Dextorian2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Read The Subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson and apply the theory! Everyone must care about something but that something shouldn’t be someone else’s opinion. Not everyone will like you!

[–]Kurush559 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tbh I would've just laughed, that was hilarious. Take it easy mate

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

i twas funny

[–]Justanotherredditt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Would it sting if an 8 year old said that to you? Women are children. Think of it as if a child was insulting you.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

“you look like an autistic country singer”

That's kinda funny :)

but deep down it stung a little bit cause I used to have some autistic tendencies but I don’t anymore a

Her shit test struck home. Who cares if you seem a little autistic. Who the fuck CARES. It makes no difference in life.

Girls fuck you or they don't fuck you. The rest is utterly irrelevant, including literally all their words and opinions.

Never think "girl say X therefore Y". Never ever think this. There are no conclusions to be drawn from female words, because they speak to manipulate and not to convey truth. Ignore it all.

Women can't even maintain the same opinion for more than a few minutes, so it's not even that it means anything for that one girl.

Ignore it all.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

It was over snapchat and weve never met although weve flirted a bit over snap. I have a feeling shes sorta into me. She has a bf so i just keep it subtle with her but she seems to flirt back or throw those shit tests. she just said it cause i have a patchy beard and a deep voice and im white so hahaha

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

A random on snapchat with a bf? Why do you even care in the least??

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Your right I shouldn’t care and I’m no longer very invested. She’s just pretty sexy and she’s done some flirting over snap and shit but I guess the main goal of this was to pass her shit test. But now I want to know how to fuck her. What would u reccomend ? She has a bf

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What would u reccomend ? She has a bf

I recommend losing your oneitis and chasing other women

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

true

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to realize that people will try to trigger you in order to evoke a reaction, to poke holes in your defenses.

You just get triggered by autism. An insecurity.

Do not give others this power.

[–]SteveStJohn0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

We will always care about what some others think. You win dgaf by actively choosing who those people will be. This is where wives and other LTRs that are sane benefit a man, though a female isn't necessary.

My Morpheus is still very important to me even though we aren't close. My boss and two of my colleagues are men who's opinions I value. If they criticize I take it to heart. If others criticize, I'm generally oblivious...

Unless, it strikes close to home like in your case being called out for a trait you thought you had eradicated. All you can do then is listen to /u/GayLubeOil.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

weve never met in person so there is no way she thought i was actually autistic she was just saying i look like a country singer but then added an insult to the end of it

[–]SteveStJohn1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you are at giving second thought to a comment from someone who has never met you, you definitely to work on dgaf.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah probably my biggest problem I analyze everything and try to be what would appeal best

[–]rijeka10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

actualized.org has some concrete stuff

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy Link

What did you say to summon a comment like that?

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy Link

her hands look like an alien

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

so she was just joking to you?

[–]rockyp32[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I think

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Then it's just a girl trying to be funny that's not funny. Put no weight to it and let her know that behavior is not permitted.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was trying to pass the shit test so I thought if I told her that’s not ok that’d make me look weak and I’d fail the shit test. I wanted to pass

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

U think that would’ve benefitted me more

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

From my personal experience and RP logic, this bizarre “autistic country singer” doesnt even deserve to be called a “shit test”. I wouldn’t laugh it off in front of her, but I would be stern by telling her that that behavior is not allowed.
I think the key point though is not to show that your feelings are hurt by her opinion (as they shouldnt be) but you simply dont allow that kind of disrespect. And honestly, this girl sounds like a psycho if she really went that far in a playful dissing situation.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

idk its strange i dont think shes crtazy but i can easily fuck her

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In that situation, keep fucking her because you have nothing to lose, but I also don't think the fucking will last long if she's disrespecting you like that.

I'm starting to think this girl is just a little different and a little socially awkward. I've had some like this, either way, don't let any of her "insults" affect you and you should be fine (I highly doubt any other man is going to try and steal her if she is that rude)

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

So she was clapping back at YOU?

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I forgot to add that 😂

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Well then you should've just taken it like a man. Don't be mean to women for no reason.

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wasn’t it’s just a roast thing we do. I’ve said it before but this time she got mad

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My post still stands

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

My goal was to neg her I guess just give her some shit and speak my mind. She gave me a shit test I wanted to pass so I could make a move or something. That’s my next step what you would you reccomend? She has a BF although she seems to have flirted with me a few times

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Idk if she'd be interested in you after that.

[–]mental_models0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

social anxiety boils down to process-oriented vs. outcome-oriented for me... gotta be doing the right things to progress on your path.

once you are in that habit, you tend to love yourself

at that point you have to remain 'process oriented'. Doesn't matter if this specific act is a 'win'. You are on a hell of a ride along your path and this outcome is meaningless.

This doesn't mean "be out of control" and/or "never do post-mortems", it just means that if you are really doing the right stuff you shouldn't be living and dying with each outcome.

No one bats one thousand, no one shoots 100%, no one bowls 300 every game

[–]boy_named_su0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stoicism helps here

Only worry about what you can control. You can only control your own goals, and can partially control your execution of those goals . You can't control what others think

You don't need to accept all of your thoughts. You can accept, reject/acknowledge, or ignore thoughts that are not in line with your goals

Focus on your goals and their execution. Then what others think fades into the background

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're going to be in a situation where you think some shade may be thrown your way, anticipate what they'll say and then have an appropriate response planned. And always have a good quip at the tip of your tongue for the completely random betas.

[–]virusofthemind0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Think about what a really high SMV guy would do in the circumstances.

Would he get all upset or start trading insults?

Just reply: "Enjoy your night" and then either walk away or get your phone out and start texting, browsing whatever.

The girl has failed your filtering tests and has now been rejected.

[–]zeekt12-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol damn brah

[–]Thizzlebot 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Get into comedy. If some bitch said that you me I would say something to the effect of your dad must have really treated you bad to be talking to people like that

[–]rockyp32[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think that would shut them down but it would also show you care

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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