Wife escalates with physically assaulting me during arguments

coinbaserep · 2019-04-17T12:56:37+00:00

Time to install audio and video recording devices in the home and catch this shit show on record. Put the recorders in kitchen living room and hallways. (None in the bedroom)

It’s the only way your gonna come out is this in a positive light

She’s going to destroy you if you don’t leave

Take half your shit and you will end up in jail

Mazi259 · 2019-04-17T14:27:42+00:00

You need to start by following through with your discussed consequences.... the REAL trick here is actually choosing consequences that you will FOLLOW THROUGH WITH. Otherwise your just talking with no authority of follow through.

Don't threaten her with returned violence (unless you are going to do that shit.. which i don't suggest.) Instead tell her that the next time she lays a hand on you that you will remove yourself and her kids from the house. Whatever... you just need to DO what you SAY and don't break down.

I also wouldn't recommend waiting for her to be in a heated moment to discuss your boundary. People in an emotional state cannot process logical things properly. You tell her as soon as you figure out what your action will be

FereallyRed · 2019-04-17T16:20:40+00:00

You leave.

Leave the fucking house. Have a go bag in your car and fuck off. No negotiating, no arguing, no texts, no contact.

You get hit, you go away.

Reset in the am. Don't reengage. Don't negotiate.

She hit. You leave.

Period.

bliceroquququq · 2019-04-17T16:20:46+00:00

My friend's wife got physically violent with him one time when she'd been drinking. He didn't hit her back, but did give her a push to get her off of him, then told her he was done with it and called the cops to have her arrested.

The cops showed up, she yelled about how he had shoved her, and they arrested him for domestic violence. He'd also kicked a hole in his garage door out of frustration so they popped him for criminal mischief as well. Then they noticed his face had been punched and so they arrested her for domestic violence. They both spent the weekend in jail and then over a year with court mandated counselling and being bled dry with various legal fees.

I'd tell you that you should get a divorce and push for sole custody of your kid, but be prepared for her to tell the court about how you beat her since you've already admitted to it on the Internet.

Tiway22 · 2019-04-17T17:06:29+00:00

You are being abused. There is help for this. Begin collecting and recording evidence and save your child from this awful woman.

BluepillProfessor · 2019-04-17T17:57:42+00:00

Later she apologized, cried and told me she will go to therapy.

That's what the feminazis call "the cycle of violence." It gets shorter and more harsh each time.

You need to arm up with video cameras, document each incident, and make sure you have pictures of your cuts and bruises. Then, assuming she doesn't kill you, you have an almost 50% chance of not ending up in prison.

begging her on my knees to stop

She get's pleasure from your suffering. Don't show it. Don't beg. Order her to stop. Then don't hit her, learn some basic self defense and take her down in a basket hold or arm bar. Also, your an idiot for staying there in this situation.

johneyapocalypse · 2019-04-17T12:20:32+00:00

You and your whore wife are providing a fucking terrible environment for your child.

Get the bitch arrested, preferably thrown in jail, divorce her ass, get yourself in therapy, and raise the child properly if you have it in you to do so.

If not man enough to do that, then get both your asses in therapy.

And stop doing that shit in the presence of the kid, asshole.

ImNotSlash · 2019-04-17T12:28:02+00:00

How to address when she wants to break your STFU by physically attacking you?

You fucking leave. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I looked her in the eyes and told her : "If you hit me, be prepared to be hit back, I am a lot stronger than you, I will not put up with being hit by you."

And so she tested your boundary and you failed like a bitch.

Your woman sounds like a real fucking piece of work so on behalf of males everywhere, thank you for getting her out of our way.

But, this shit is real simple. You can exercise your STFU, AA, AM, whatever. If she becomes physical, you fucking exit. Do not fucking touch her cause once you do, you're in the crosshairs. You have no idea who she may have told that you, not her, are the physically aggressive one.

If you insist on trying to manage her behavior, my advice to you is to get a voice-activated recorder or even put some cameras in the home, and to turn on your location tracking on your phone.

/u/red-sffplus went through some shit like this. Read his post history.

I'll close with this: if the cops get involved and you get arrested, you may get off and be found innocent. Cool. But, at what costs? You're risking being branded an abuser. Not many nowadays give a fuck about whether you're innocent or not; it's about what they believe. And if people believe you're a wife-abuser, then you're a wife-abuser.

mrpthrowa · 2019-04-17T13:58:36+00:00

Dude you are getting a lot of shit advice in this thread, to get the kid and run, or to report her to the police etc...

Be aware that reporting this to the police is likely going to make you in the frame for DV, regardless of the facts. All she has to do is lie. Google Duluth model - this is how the police work - DV suspicions, automatically arrest the male and remove him to "empower" the woman, because duh, women are statistically weaker.

Absolutely do not go down this line without talking to a lawyer first and forming a plan.

you could ruin you life with this.

[deleted] · 2019-04-17T13:48:54+00:00

Did you stick your dick in crazy or just do a bad job vetting? Women who hit are usually too broken to be redeemed in my opinion. Its like a dog that bites people in the face, its not safe and drastic measures need to be taken in response.

The fact that you hit her is pretty fucked up. How would you respond if you had a little 12 year old girl who hit you? Would you hit her so she cried and stopped?

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-04-18T01:05:55+00:00

See a lawyer so you understand your boundaries.

Your life today is the life you fostered and encouraged because you lack frame and leadership. Your wife has no reason to want o change because you are weak.

IANAL - Domestic abuse will fall in you, much easier than her. So file a police report today. Talk w/ your local precinct and talk about options and guidance. Start getting some video of her flipping out on you. Never touch her. Leave the area. Meet with your priest or pastor and talk about your situation to find out if they have any resources and support for you. This will also be helpful if there is a false 911 domestic abuse call from your wife.

It’s time to start getting your Go plan ready for immediate launch. Why? She’ll easily put you in jail with a 911 call claiming abuse. The. You’re fighting from behind and your legal bills begin immediately. Cancel joint credit cards, get cash off the books as unnoticeable as possible, start looking for a place to stay with a moment’s notice (phone call). Start looking for a new place to live.

resolutions316 · 2019-04-17T15:02:06+00:00

If she hits you she will hit your kid.

nobsyoga · 2019-04-17T17:01:42+00:00

Man, this is a tough situation. My wife used to get physical with me until I fought back by restraining her and she ended up with bruises on her wrists. I told her that if she came at me next time, I could not guaranty that she would not end up in a cast. Your woman seems different though. She is flying off in to blind rages and when that gets going, usually the only course of action is to walk. It's not always the case that men get the full blame for domestic violence. While things are still tilted heavy in the woman's favor, police are getting better at spotting tell tail signs. Getting the recording devices put in the house is a good idea, but ultimately you need to get the hell out of there for the sake of you and your child. You are in a straight up physically abusive situation and only years of therapy on her part is going to fix that. If she does not want to put the work into herself, there is nothing you can do and you need to at least separate to get out of the situation. I would prep yourself with a togo bad and backup money and a place to stay in case you need to go somewhere. Good luck and I wish you the best.

Grimsterr · 2019-04-17T17:55:22+00:00

You need evidence of this, else you are the one who will end up in jail.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-04-17T18:11:08+00:00

If you run from almost any kid of large predator like grizzly bears, lions, tigers, etc their instinct is to chase and maul you because you are acting like prey.

Likewise, when a woman is shit testing you, if you act wrong, it also sends her a message like the animal. If you are butt hurt, you are acting like someone immature, selfish, or weak. If you are defensive, you are acting like you are in fact guilty of something. If you make an effort to explain yourself, you are acting like either that person is above you or that you are caught in a lie and trying to convince them of your version of the story.

See, DEERing isn't just a "less effective" way to talk to your woman, your kids, your friends, coworkers, etc. It is more effective because it doesn't incite additional aggression, frustration, apathy, hurt, or ill will in the person you are speaking to. By DAREing, you are diffusing the situation, dispelling doubts and fears, confirming mutual trust and affection, or are at least not causing further damage.

I can understand a man wanting to leave in your situation. If you wish to break it off, don't do it this way. Be mindful that you have a child together. That child will see you sabotaging a parent that they care for, will feel that as a personal betrayal, will absorb that pain, will learn both of your methods of communicating, and will be cursed to repeat them. You also have at least 16 more years of sharing custody of a child, so if you stay or if you go, you WILL have some kind of relationship with her, so is that how you want to go out? Being an insufferable asshole that pushed a woman's buttons that had an abused childhood and almost zero impulse control?

As men, we are called to be the leaders, that's the underlying glue to all this that makes RP work. We are to be the prize, we are to be the mature one, we are to be the smarter one, we are to take the high road, we are to set the right example, we are to show grace, mercy, compassion, and wisdom. Not just slightly better because she hit me, which is about all I can gather you have over her right now.

Luck-67 · 2019-04-18T00:27:15+00:00

Get the hell out of there. Don’t touch her, divorce NOW and take over the kid with 100% custody . She is 5150 and will eventually be a danger to your kid once he/ she “pushes her buttons”.

themormonjesus · 2019-04-24T05:01:13+00:00

Normally dont comment much here but felt compelled to reply because I was in a similar situation.

Wife has 0 impulse control. Used to get mad over small stuff and hit me.. when I tried to talk to her that she was being abusive she would say stuff like stop being a faggot or just hit me back.

Police was called twice to our house. One time it was her dad because I called her dad and told her shes losing it another time was her because I wouldn't give her my phone so she could delete the evidence of being insane. Several times she assaulted me in front of our 1 year old and even hurt the 1 year old a few times because she couldn't control herself. Another time she threw a 20 lb dumbell at the wall just inches away from my daughter's face. I recorded evidence afterwards and talked to her parents and begged them to help me since she is not listening to me.

After months of insisting and her parents insisting we started therapy. Abuse continued. I started drinking heavily to forget about the horrible situation i ended up with. Had a divorce lawyer draw up a complaint but withheld from filing the lawsuit. Had hidden audio recorder behind the bed headboard. Thought about putting a camera in the garage because sometimes I had to leave with our daughter and she would pull crazy shit at the car.

Last straw was I told her if she ever hit me again I would file a police report. I told her it would be really hard and I really don't want to but the abuse must stop. One day in the car she lost her shit and tried to turn the car off while driving with our 1 yr old in the back carseat. We were right next to police station so I rolled into the parking lot and started filming her , which made her angrier, and she started hitting me. I walked in with our daughter and told the dispatch I wanted to file a police report that my wife assaulted me. Dispatch had a few units come to the station because it was sunday evening. They logged a report and asked me if i wanted to press charges and i said no I just want the abuse to stop. They threatened to charge her and have her deported from the US (she is a legal immigrant) and told me to divorce her.

Sorry this is getting long. Long story short we switched therapists, she realized she might actually get deported, her parents kept telling her to knock off the crazy, I stopped drinking and began to just leave the house altogether. Started going to AA. Started preparing for divorce. Now the abuse is almost completely gone. It took over a year of hard work and actually trying from both sides. The first issue I guess was getting her to acknowledge she was being abusive and then being cognizant of her actions and trying to change them. I forgave her and we are now more happy than we ever were before. She doesn't hit me anymore but is still verbally abusive once in a while and I try to get her out of her funk and she calms down now in a few hours instead of a few days.

I'm glad it worked out but I was 100% prepared for the worst. I still have all the audio and video recording backed up in several places and still dont tell her the code to my phone. I have a small amount of cash hidden for emergencies. I have statements ready by my parents and a brother who has witnessed her "episodes" and the therapist said she would testify in court if necessary but I would still have to pay for her time. I still have the divorce complaint saved and ready to be filed.

The abuse must stop. If she hits you, never ever ever ever hit back for any reason. The only thing you are allowed to do is restrain her but make sure there is evidence that the marks on her wrists is from you defending yourself otherwise if there is any kind of mark the police will still take you in.

Luckily when the police showed the 2nd time at my house I showed them the video of her acting cray cray and they saw I didnt do anything wrong and she admitted she called the police because she was angry so they backed down after trying to act intimidating at first and sending 20 cops to my house.

friendandadvisor · 2019-04-25T20:48:13+00:00

One thing: Do NOT let her get away with hitting you ever again. Yes, yes, it's all been said, etc....but, one thing that you must realize: One, just one, unlucky shot by her, and you may end up missing an eyeball. I know, I know, you're the new Conor MacGregor, or WTF, but...well, there's nothing more to add.

JudgeDoom69 · 2019-04-17T14:21:00+00:00

When she becomes aggressive or physical, turn her over your knee, and then take it from there

FFDGTDS · 2019-04-18T17:06:32+00:00

Physical abuse is a default setting with some, most learned it from their parents, This is what your child will learn.

If you don’t have enough self respect or care enough about yourself to leave, think about your child and the absolute shit-show of a family he is growing up in.

As I have said on here before, when it comes to abuse, the first time you’re a victim, the next time you’re a volunteer.

RPeed · 2019-04-17T12:39:22+00:00

how to deal with wife physically assaulting you? I tried 2 approaches - being a pussy bitch and even begging her on my knees to stop (makes me wanna puke when I remember how low I felt), that didn't work, I tried hitting her back after she wouldn't stop (she seemed to respond best to this, she would cry, calm down and apologized and but I know this is not healthy, and not normal and I don't wanna do that shit).

Have you tried removing yourself and the child for safety, followed by an emergency restraining order?

The courts could follow up with mandatory therapy.

Thus protecting you, your child and your wife.

Seriously bro: it takes two for DV.

40mullet · 2019-04-17T14:36:21+00:00

How to address when she wants to break your STFU by physically attacking you?

What does that mean? You are giving her silent treatment?

[deleted] · 2019-04-17T14:57:06+00:00

So she's assaulting you. That makes her a criminal. You are married to a criminal that commits crimes against you.

She hits you because she loves you.

Anyhow, with that joke out of the way, you have a great way to beat this. Go sign up for martial arts, learn submission techniques, learn to physically disable her and anyone else that might ever mess with you.

Or divorce her ass on the grounds that she's an adult that can't stop from attacking someone she claims to love. She's busted, you deserve better, I'd leave and take everything I own away from her. Violence is something a child does, fuck that.

Best of luck dude.

donmcde · 2019-04-17T12:32:49+00:00

Not enough responses from the OYS thread I take it?

go-RED-go · 2019-04-17T13:18:13+00:00

Grab the kid, tell her that your son isn't going to be raised in this sort of environment, and walk out the door. Don't let her stop you, don't answer the phone or respond to her messages, and don't come back until enough time has passed that you're both calm. If she starts again when you get back, repeat the process and wait even longer. If it comes to a 3rd time, let her know upon your return that if you have to leave again you'll be returning with the police behind you and divorce papers in hand.

ManguZa · 2019-04-17T13:09:45+00:00

What about restraining her until she calm down?