“As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.”
- Harrington Emerson
Lately I have been considering a principal I see come up time and time again: Become Unreactive.
From my readings on stoicism:
"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass."
- Warren Buffett
"There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond our control."
"If you are distressed by anything external, your pain is not due to the thihhng itself, but due to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any time."
- Marcus Aurelius
From my readings on Charisma:
From: The Charisma Myth, By Olivia Fox Cabane, Page 10
"In fact, charisma will make you more attractive. When instructed to exhibit specific charismatic behaviors in controlled experiments, participants' levels of attractiveness were rated significantly higher than before." ..... "Three quick ways to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:
- Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences.
- Reduce how quickly and how often you nod
- Pause for two full seconds before you speak"
Later, in the same book:
From: How To Talk To Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships, By Leil Lowndes, Assorted Pages
Flooding Smile - "Smiles that are too quick are usually seen as disingenuous. If you allow your smile to erupt gradually into a big, warm smile, you will be seen as much more sincere and personable. The person you are talking to will feel special, as if the big smile was made just for them. Over the next few days, observe the smiles of those around you. Who are the people usually seen as the most credible? These people will almost always have a slow, sincere smile."
Limit the Fidgit - "Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you're fibbing."
From my readings on Power:
From: The 48 Laws Of Power, By Robert Greene, From Preface, Page xix
"Learning the game of power.... Certain basic skills are required..." "The most important of these skills, and power's crucial foundation, is the ability to master your emotions. An emotional response to a situation is the single greatest barrier to power, a mistake that will cost you a lot more than any temporary satisfaction you might gain by expressing your feelings. Emotions cloud reason, and if you cannot see the situation clearly, you cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control."
"Anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, for it clouds your vision the most."
From my readings on Game:
From: "The Shit Test Encyclopedia, by The Illimitable Man" Link: http://archive.is/w8RYY
"Why are they called shit tests? Well when somebody “gives you shit” and fucks with your head to see how you will react." "It’s an unavoidable part of human interaction. We use shit tests to make value judgements about people, likewise they can be used to determine how people cope under pressure. The underlying mechanism of shit tests is to test your mettle."
Shit tests are used to “determine your frame.”
"If you can keep composure/seem unfazed and/or assert your boundaries despite a shit test, generally speaking you will be considered to have passed the shit test. If you get upset, offended, doubt yourself or show weakness in any discernible way when shit tested, it will be generally considered that you failed the test."
From: "How To Get Laid Like A Warlord" Link: http://archive.is/8Vq7F
"Women are attracted to you because you have a stronger frame than they do. That’s all."
"What is a strong frame? Fundamentally, it’s a sense of certainty in everything you do. This certainty manifests itself as calmness in the face of social pressure. Simply put, in a cold approach pickup, the woman becomes attracted to you because you’re more relaxed than she is. That’s all."
What does it all mean?
Simply put, every single one of these quotes, from a variety of sources, from a variety of fields all get at the same core principal: Remain unreactive.
Don't fidget. Don't touch your face. Don't glance your eyes away. Don't fret about things. Don't let your emotions overtake you. Don't constant give re-assurances by noding frequently, or by saying "uh-huh" while talking. Don't rush to speak. Don't smile too quickly or too frequently.
It all boils down to that one simple concept: Remain unreactive.
How do I Remain Unreactive?
That will be a posting for another time, but i would recommend to start by meditate daily. we've taken up enough space here. I'm interested in hearing feedback from the community on their thoughts, and how they've gone about cultivating these principals.