Compliance tests

Iammrp2 · 2019-09-05T11:20:13+00:00

My mom did the same thing when I was a teenager.

My wife does the same thing now.

If you show butthurt she will capitalize on your weakness. If it needs to be done then stfu and do it. What you need to be learning is how to scan the environment and give her tasks. It's not a race though. Don't try to give her one before she gives you one. And don't make a big deal if she doesn't do it. And don't give her a task if you're sitting on your ass. Be a leader and a good manager.

The reason she is doing that is to give herself comfort. You have to learn how to give her comfort by being a good manager. Good managers not only delegate but they praise when they see good work to reinforce that behavior and to communicate their position as the one who gives praise.

Be a good captain.

go-RED-go · 2019-09-05T09:59:38+00:00

My wife sometimes does exactly the same thing. It used to bug me, but now I dont stress about it much.

Sometimes she sees a good parking spot before me and says "Park there.".

I just do amused mastery and "compliment" her something along the lines "wow honey, you really have a good eye for parking spots, I'm glad to have you by my side" , smirk, wink, eyebrows raise.

If she's expectionally active that day with few compliance tests in a row, I would look at her, make a soldier stance/pose and laudly say: "Sir, yes, sir!" and then fucking laugh my ass of at my own joke.

The point is, you really shouldn't care much.

SBIII · 2019-09-05T09:05:39+00:00

There's a section in one of Athol Kay's books about how to deal with compliance tests - you should read it. A compliance test is her testing you to see if you will comply.. if you comply, you fail, if you don't you pass.

What it comes down to is that she will treat you the way you allow her to treat you. If she's barking orders at you and you let her, she's going to keep barking orders at you.. especially if - as you are doing - you do exactly as she orders.

If you keep following orders like a little lapdog, she'll keep treating you like one. You need to man up and learn how to say "no".

teabagabeartrap · 2019-09-05T10:12:10+00:00

Had those situations with my LTR a few years back.

What worked pretty good imho was to just stop everything look/stare at her smiling and say nothing.

Because I smiled, I think she got the "i'm no robot, I don't need anything dictated" . message I wanted to give her.

The other thing I did in the past was to overdo/exaggerate (is this the right word? sorry non english person) in petting her like a dog. Streaking her hair. Saying something like "good boy". It was always important to smile while doing this as well. Laughing off whatever she does afterwards and maybe go for a hug and a forced kiss, so she needs to smile as well but knows whats up.

red88lobster · 2019-09-05T20:42:01+00:00

My wife used to do this a lot , What I did was I'd laugh and say;

please stop narrating my life.

The important thing is to laugh and show how it amused you not upset you.

Also you can do it to her. This is a good way for her to see just how annoying it can be.

Wait until she's about to open a door and ask her to please open the door etc.

Gradually she has stopped doing it.

red-sfpplus · 2019-09-05T11:55:37+00:00

Hey fuck face. Try this.

Send the fat cunt to the store by herself.

Take the kids to the park while she shops with her dry vagina.

Have a dog? Take it with you. Bonus points.

Go flirt with other depressed women at the park.

Build a fucking life outside her asshole.

Faggot.

HornsOfApathy · 2019-09-05T12:22:26+00:00

You need to learn the STFU stare.

Look - AWALT. But the tone in which she delivers these makes all the difference. She sounds bitchy. And doesnt respect you.

When my wife does this shit occassionally I just quietly turn my head to her slowly, cock my head to the side slightly and stare at her.

Her face and body softens and she says, "please?"

I smile. We carry on. There will be respect in my home.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-09-05T11:21:27+00:00

This is the #1 shit test I get from my wife. They've calmed down a lot in the past few months. I can't tell you precisely how I passed them (and therefore how you should pass them). But just think for a second how childish and desperate a move it is on her part. It's actually funny enough for sitcom material. I think that's the mental space you need to operate in.

She doesn't trust you to lead just yet but she knows the power dynamic is shifting. As you were, captain. Keep paying out the 1000 ft rope. It's your world. There are larger things to worry about than parking spots and strollers.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-09-05T17:27:46+00:00

My wife is like this a lot, especially back seat driving.

Can't say "Yes dear"

I beg to differ. It must be done with sarcasm. You could also change it up and give a "Heil Hitler!" and do the Nazi salute. It's a ancient form of Agree and Amplify that has been passed down from our fathers and grandfathers. I personally like to act "as if" I was actually as dumb as her comment suggests.

Parking spot: "Where?" "I'm sorry, which spot? *she points* Sorry, I don't see it, where again?" as I just pull in anyway and say "well I couldn't find the one you saw, this will have to do".

Get a trolley: I think it would be fun to act as if you've never heard the word "trolley" in your life. Just squarely look her dead in the eyes and repeat the word in question form "T....TRO....TRO-LEEEE?" See how long it takes her to realize you are kidding around.

no, let's just carry the groceries today

Not bad ***IF*** you say it with absolutely ZERO butt hurt. If you are salty at all, then you're the bitch inside her frame.

romeomikewhiskey · 2019-09-05T15:15:06+00:00

A couple of weeks before my oldest son's third birthday, he announced "When I turn three, I'll be the boss!" And sure enough, the day he turned three, he started doing exactly what you describe. I'm reaching for the light switch - "Daddy, turn off the light!" And so on. It was hilarious and we treated it as such. I suggest you take a similar approach, but only if you can actually find it amusing. If not, then it's safer to STFU/ignore it.

She's literally acting like my three year old did. It's an awkward attempt at asserting dominance. Don't be threatened by it. She noticed the captain has finally staggered out of his cabin and is on the bridge. I think it's a sign that you're doing things right.

waitshhhhhh · 2019-09-05T16:51:26+00:00

This sounds like my first wife who, after her 2nd divorce, told me, “I’ve seen that my pattern is to find perfectly good men, then try to beat them into submission.”

Yeah.

I’m not a her any more.

abratoki · 2019-09-05T09:38:30+00:00

My partner does something similar as well from time to time.

Like im just about to open the drawer to get the garbage bag - and as Im reaching at it she yelps - Honey please take out the trash!

When I get home and sit down to take my shoes off - Get your shoes off before you come into the living room!

Very similar small shit like this.

I find this incredibly annoying as well because I feel like she is trying to assert dominance over these little things to feel powerful.

I dont think non-compliance is the way to go here because that just make me look like an angsty teenager as in: i was going to do the thing you just said I need to do, but now that you said it i aint!

What I have found to work for me in these situations is to (dis)-agree and amplify but in a pedal to the metal idiotic type of fashion?

You want me to take out the trash?
No, I am going to dump the whole thing in our bed and use the sheets as the new garbage bin

Then proceed to take out the garbage anyway.

You want me to park there?
No, I will park 10 miles further because you could use the excercise on that fine booty of yours.

Then proceed to park where the fuck you want to park the damn car.

Get the trolley for groceries!
No, today we will get into the grocery store walking on our hands and will carry all groceries hanging on our feet.

The point is to disagree - but in an overly stupid way. This seems to diffuse the power dynamic created by barking the orders as you make them seem silly and stupid. ( stupid questions get stupid answers kinda?)

Just make sure that it is funny rather then hurtful so you make the kids laugh and make her laugh.

Then proceed to fuck her laughing face later that night.

primordialawe · 2019-09-05T12:14:36+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ. Looking at the responses from all the experts in this thread... it’s no wonder you unfun grumpy fucks aren’t getting your dicks wet.

RicoDunne · 2019-09-05T11:52:59+00:00

I go through this occasionally. If I don't comply, I get the "you just don't want to do anything I want to do" BS. Basically I just STFU and do what I want to do. Don't fall into her frame by arguing with her over what you want to do - Just do it.

redwall92 · 2019-09-05T13:47:22+00:00

Imagine not getting the buggy or the trolley. (I'm not sure what a trolley is.) But imagine a world where you just don't get it. You get out of the car, grab a kid or two, and head to the door. Does that world bother you?

If grocery shopping isn't something you enjoy doing, then imagine a world where you don't go. Do you feel uncomfortable there?

Do you feel comfortable in a world where you head a direction and people follow? Or do you need them to follow in some certain fashion? Because right now, it sounds like you feel like you need to grocery shop or get buggies in a certain fashion so that you're allowed to go on the regular shopping trip.

Personally ... I see no reason at all for both parents to be on the regular shopping trip. Waste of time, man. Either send her and enjoy some time with the kids. Or go shopping and enjoy the time roaming around the store getting the trip done (if you can).

[deleted] · 2019-09-05T13:48:34+00:00

I just tell her "Shut up slut". She will at times correct me "Not A slut daddy, your slut."

freekshow88 · 2019-09-05T11:47:37+00:00

My go to is to hunch over, limp along dragging one foot behind me, and give her my best Igor impression.

“Yessss misstresss, whatever you say misstresss, anything to please you misstressss”!!!

The accent is important. It’s a high pitched, nasally kind of whining.

The ol lady used to ask me to get her water when ever I went to the kitchen. The 1st time, she said I was an ass while laughing pretty hard. After a couple more, she stopped asking.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-09-05T12:20:03+00:00

To be treated like a King, you need to act like a King.

Stop going to the grocery with your wife faggot.

Automatically puts you into the beta dad frame.. especially with the kids. It’s hard to game and fuck with her.. she’ll beat you into submission. It’s all in her frame - she is leading the way. Providing for the family. All you are doing is pushing the cart.

Not really tests, she’s just used to you not taking charge of shit- so she feelz the need to boss you around.

Next time, tell her some items that you want her to get when she’s there. Make her a list beforehand - take ownership of the shit YOU need around the house. During the week, ask her to add shit to the list - you want her to work towards completing your compliance tests.

Fuck with her about when will she ever go to the grocery or what’s taking so long (you ran out is those protein bars you like, etc) - cheesy grin and ass slap. Always be on the attack. Never a supplciating beta playing the weak French defense.

I was once one of those beta dads walking behind my wife at he grocery getting bossed around and shamed for not knowing where to find shit. It’s bullshit. Stay home and workout instead. Give her some cash and tell her you'll be there to unload when she gets back.

Would Chad be told where to park the car?

mrpthrowa · 2019-09-05T09:21:19+00:00

How hard is it to say "No"? it's one syllabus

Go on and then say "you got legs right?"

Try it sometimes.

mountainbiker178 · 2019-09-05T11:27:19+00:00

I think there are some good suggestions in this thread already. I wanted to chime in with my experience and you can do with it what you will.

My ex wife started doing that shit a year or two before I divorced her for cheating on me. I was totally betabux at that point and drunk on the bluepill. I was trying to negotiate desire and used covert contacts constantly. I HATED when she would do what you're describing. I failed all of her compliance tests and would bitch when she barked orders for things I was already in the process of doing.

I'm telling you this because I have to wonder if you're seeing these compliance tests as a sign that you're not as much of a Captain as you think you are. I saw more and more shit like this the worse (BP/Beta) I got.

So in addition to taking the other advice here, I think you should check that your First Mate (wife) hasn't already grabbed the helm from you.

coinbaserep · 2019-09-05T12:06:02+00:00

Anytime my wife tries to drive from the passenger seat , “turn here” “change lanes” “move over and let this guy pass you”

I turn to her and say “ would you like me to pull over so you can drive”

Or “if you wanted to drive you should switch places with me “

This usually shuts her up

Or if this is really a problem for you than just fucking tell her and stop trying to game her or other funny techniques

Your the captain

Tell her “ I’m capable of taking my family to the grocery store knock it off with all your orders, now go get that buggy”

But you won’t because your afraid of what mommy will say

red-iron-man · 2019-09-05T14:40:45+00:00

I can't believe all the cucks. And I can't believe guys are taking orders from their wive's like this. What would you do if a guy or lady at the office kept barking orders at you to do things you were going to do anyway? Would you STFU? Would you smile and do nothing? No, you'd tell them what they are doing is not ok because it isn't respectful and then leave it at that. If you don't allow people outside of the house to treat you like this, why would you allow your wife to do that? This is what she's thinking when she orders you and you sit there and STFU. That you take it up the ass the same way outside of the home as you do with her.

I get STFU has it's place, but do you STFU at the workplace because you're worried you're going to appear butthurt? Be a man, be assertive and don't give a shit what she thinks when you're direct and short in dealing with her.

Captain_pants4 · 2019-09-06T01:11:18+00:00

Just tell her that if she keeps opening her mouth you’re going to fill it

[deleted] · 2019-09-06T14:03:34+00:00

Great opportunity to poke fun at her and make her realize how ridiculous she is being if you do it right.

After you get the buggy/trolley and get back to her you could say something "Weirdest fucking thing, everytime im doing something I hear this voice telling me what to do.. its like i have a weird narrator"

And when she says something again you could be all "SHIT, there it is again" - 3rd time you could start scrolling through your phone trying to find the setting to turn off this stupid narrator... "I dont even know how i enabled this thing"

If you are never funny this strategy wont work.

gameoflibidos · 2019-09-06T19:55:37+00:00

My wife does this all the time.

I've turned into a game to make her recognize what she's doing... I now act like I have no idea what she's talking about every time... the whole process gets stalled.. "There's a spot, park there" .. as i'm pulling up to it.... "What spot?" "Where?" "We can get closer than this garbage spot" --- as we park in it... "Well glad I found this spot" This usually results in a funny parade of eye rolling and sighs.

adeptintact · 2019-09-06T21:14:07+00:00

STFU and complying to what she says after she commands you to do something is definitely not the right answer. You are basically obeying her like a good little boy.

First, giving you a command without asking nicely (with a "please" or in the form of a request such as "can you" ) shows a lack of respect for you. She sees herself as your mom similar to how a parent gives orders to a child. As a red pill man, that shit isn't acceptable and needs to be addressed with her. You have to change that perception to you are the captain not her. She doesn't view you as the captain if she orders you around.

Second, I like to say "no" often if it is clearly a compliance test. Saying no and not doing what she asks gets the point across. My LTR recently told me that I always tell her no. Definitely, only if she's a good girl she gets what she wants.

As someone mentioned, Athol Kay in MMSLP had a good section on this. If it is something she physically cannot do and needs your help, do it if she asked you nicely and isn't being a cunt towards you at the time. If she has been a bitch to you, say no and don't do it. If she's asking you to do a favor for her like getting a glass of water, consider doing it if she asked nicely and just sucked your dick or something.

Reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Also, ask her to do stuff for you to make it fair. The more she does for you, the more you could agree to do things for her and vice versa.

This has worked for me.

Westernhagen · 2019-09-11T19:47:36+00:00

Your car needs this app:

A new app lets your spouse control the car with voice commands from the passenger seat.

Whenever your spouse says things like, "Why don't you take Fifth, it's a lot faster?" or "This way's a lot slower than my way," the car will instantly respond to their commands.

"There was a ton of demand for this app," said Backseat Driver CEO Matthew Kyle. "Spouses everywhere love making passive-aggressive suggestions the entire time their husband or wife is driving around town. But despite their constant comments on your driving, the car doesn't respond to their helpful suggestions and advice. Well, no longer. Now their comments are just as effective as if they themselves were in the driver seat."

Specific voice commands programmed into the app include the following:

"You're driving too fast" - immediately makes the car slow to a crawl

"You're driving too slow" - causes the car to go as fast as physically possible

"Take this other street, it's a shortcut only I know about" - makes the car take their strange route that's almost definitely not any faster

"Everyone knows parking's a lot better around back" - makes the car skip all the perfectly good parking and drive around to their secret parking

"MERGE, HONEY! MERGE!" - merges even if that means you slam into a semi truck

In early beta testing, the app received rave reviews from spouses in the passenger seat and horrid reviews from spouses in the driver seat.

wkndatbernardus · 2019-09-05T12:01:55+00:00

Good question right here. I had a LTR that did this relentlessly. At first I would act butt hurt and declare my independence from her attempt at authoritarian dominance. Then I realized these compliance tests were her way of feeling more secure (because I wasn't leading with strength) and, further more, she developed this habit because most dudes are lazy and would rather have the woman take care of shit (classic role reversal). She probably grew up around this type of dynamic with her parents.

Anyway, I started fogging by making jokes comparing her to famous dictators of history (Il Duce, Der Fuerher, Napoleon, etc). As long as you do it in a light-hearted way, she thinks it's funny and gets the message... usually. My LTR never quite stopped this shit so, it got old and we broke up.

additionalpie4 · 2019-09-05T13:53:53+00:00

Turn these into something sexual. You are a sexual being correct? You want to have sex with this particular woman correct? These compliance tests will either stop because she doesn't want to have sex with you or you will get more sex.

"Park over there" = “I will park wherever I want…. Wherever”. Insinuate that you will park your dick in her later, wherever you want. Heck, just park in the middle of the lot for a second, give here I am going F-you eyes (if you have them). Then you do you, park in whatever spot you want.

"Get the buggy" = “I am going to slap that buggies ass then come back and slap yours”. While at it have fun with it, be a cowboy shouting YA!!! YA!!! Just be prepared to do that cowboy bit later at home too.

RPWolf · 2019-09-05T19:20:20+00:00

AM the fuck out of that.

"Get a trolley" - Fuck no, Imma make you carry this shit and earn your keep. Wink and slap ass.

screechhater · 2019-09-06T01:51:37+00:00

So what’s the fucking question ?

If you can’t follow, you can’t fucking lead

OI. Frame ? Lifting ?

elrojozul · 2019-09-05T09:06:36+00:00

I think the sarcastic answer fine, though it depends on the delivery. Big difference between saying it with eye contact and a smirk or spitting it out between clenched teeth.

STFU also your friend here. You're under no obligation to respond to stupid things your wife (or anyone else) says.

mrbadassmotherfucker · 2019-09-05T09:58:34+00:00

Be a sarcastic cunt back to her. She'll get the message

beholdthemaverick · 2019-09-05T18:49:15+00:00

Does it really have to be this complicated with all these mental gymnastics all to give the impression of “I’m not butthurt see!?”. As if you’re jumping thru all these hoops in fear of being judged a certain way. She already thinks you’re a fuck, right? What’s stopping you from nuking this shit out of the park and matter of factly saying “I don’t take orders” with a warm smile?

If you know you’re not butthurt and it’s congruent with your frame, it doesn’t have to be an either/or thing. You don’t need some extreme witty line for these situations. Keep it light. It’s only butthurt if you actually feel butthurt. You can shut it down because you don’t like being spoken to that way, and when she inevitably bitches/shit tests after, you make fun of her cause you’re not scared of mommy’s mean emotions.

Show her with your nonreactivity that this doesn’t have to be a huge serious thing, you just don’t take orders. Alpha doesn’t rub off that way (fake it till you make it if you don’t genuinely feel this way).

Remember the 16 commandments. What would jerkboy do? Teach her that when she is a bitch, she gets the jerkboy who throws proverbial sand in her face like the days in the sandbox in school. When she’s nice and feminine, she gets the warm stuff. Again, as a wise philosopher once said, she already thinks you’re a fuck, own it. No need to manage her perception of your level of butthurt. If you don’t feel it, and you keep it light, you’re good to go. Play with her.

SorcererKing · 2019-09-06T02:12:52+00:00

Wow, this is an oldie but a goodie. We haven't had this question in quite some time. You should search this sub to find many many many answers. Then, bookmark this thread, and after you've DONE THE FUCKING WORK you can come back here and kick your own ass. It'll be fun.