291,160 posts


The most bitter and painful experience of the redpill is the acknowledgement that your bluepilled dreams of the past can never come to pass. No matter how noble or selfless those dreams may be.

For many the realization comes from the shattering of the illusion towards our oneitis. I had that.

But there was another dream. I dreamed to be free.

Like the monkey's paw, you must be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

For most of my life, I chased pussy. Every girl I've ever been with I have fallen in love with.

There was a single guiding light in my life. My father. But what set him apart was one thing that made all the difference.

He was redpilled.

As you can imagine, I was always asking him questions and he always had an answer. He never moralized or sugarcoated his answers.

"Its just your turn, son."

"That's just the guys she counted, she's slept with more men than that."

"I know you love her now, but like a sickness you'll get over her."

I stumbled across these forums years ago. I rushed to my dad and eagerly explained everything I found. He listened patiently.

I finally realized that the most meaningful connection you could have with another human being is from one man to another.

From one brother to another.

From one warrior to another.

From one father to his son and vice versa.

After years of abuse and neglect i had inflicted upon my dad in my bluepilled delusions, i was ready to transform into the warrior monk I felt destined to become.

I was ready to go out into the world. Armed with the redpill knowledge bestowed by both my father and these forums.

There was one problem: my dad had run out of time. He was dying. And I didn't realize until it was too late.

I lost weight. I did keto. I did intermittent fasting. I devoured the knowledge here and absorbed everything i could from YouTube and audible. I took up weight lifting and MMA. i desperately searched out the holy grail that would save this man's life.

"After all the time ive wasted. For the first time im finally ready to spend it with someone who would appreciate my love unconditionally!"

"This cant be happening! Finally my eyes are open and im ready to go on adventures and now he's dying!"

I quit my job, sold everything I had, left all my past relationships behind, moved into a trailer and became his caregiver for the last 2 years.

In the beginning things were tough and there were times where i wanted to surrender. But i grit my teeth and clenched my fist. I knuckled down and told myself through the tears streaming down my face " i am not a boy. I am warrior and this is nothing i cannot handle."

I watched my dad wither away over the last two years. In the end he breathed through a tube and ate through another tube. He endured surgery after surgery in an attempt to fix the numerous health problems he suffered from. He wanted to give in many times. I would hold his hand and gice him a brave speech about tenacity and relentless endurance.

I spoke of the dreams of moving up north. Of him walking on his own two feet again. Walking with his redpilled son by his side. I could see the fire spark in his eyes, tears streaming down his face.

But in the end, I had committed the most cardinal sin a man on these forums can commit: i used redpill teachings in an attempt to achieve a bluepilled dream.

Last night. My dad held me close and yelled in my face in anger "son! Let me go!"

"Im ruining your life!"

"You dont need me anymore."

"All my life ive thought that people were nice but i could take em or leave em at a moment's notice."

"But you changed that, son. You showed me that you can find true love in this world."

"You are my rock, son."

"No matter what you said, no matter what you did, i never stopped loving you."

"I searched my whole life for a true best friend and could never find one. That's when i took matters into my own hands and made you, son."

"Youve exceeded all of my expectations. I truly dont know how youve come this far."

"I am so proud of the man youve become and the new friends youve made. But i cannot go with you to where you need to go. I'm too sick, son. Im never getting better."

"You have your whole life ahead of you, son. And im just holding you back!"

"Just let me go!"

I yelled back "its my life to waste! For once in my life im with someone that matters! I promised you that I'd never give up on you! its my life to waste damnit! This was my choice!"

"Ill be waiting for you on the other side, son. You knew this day had to come. Dont you remember what you said? Those who cannot sacrifice anything cannot change anything. Its time to pay your price. I'll always love you my son."

And then he closed his eyes and never woke up again. He became limp. I carried him to his bed. I gave him a chunk of pain medication to ensure that he wasn't having pain.

As his breathing became shallow, i stoically held him in my arms and whispered in his ears how beautiful the north was. How i couldn't believe he was walking again. How all those years of PT made all the difference. That he was right. That i had found a nice girl and we were having a kid. All lies.

As he pulled his last breath, i kissed his forehead and told him to not be scared. I told him he was free. I told him I'd be fine.

Once his heart stopped, i dropped to my knees and cried like an angry, dying animal.

This was the price i had to pay to be free.

A man only becomes free when he has no attachments and has nothing to lose.

The price i had to pay was with my dad's life. The life of the only human ive ever truly loved.

In the end, we only have one life. His biggest fear was me leading a mediocre, angry and bitter life, a slave to a woman through divorce rape.

He sacrificed his dream of dying in the Philippines, surrounded by new kids and beautiful women in his sunset years to die in a shitty trailer park, and a nowhere town with only his son by his side.

He died so that i could live.

I will alway be aware of the enormous sacrifice paid by our ancestors for me to be here today. Never take another single day for granted. Live your life to the fullest. Because before you know it, it can be too late.

I finally achieved the dream of every redpilled man: freedom with the tools and wisdom to enjoy it.

All it cost me was everything and everyone ive ever loved: including my father who was my best friend and like a brother to me. He died so that i could live.

Was it worth it?

All i can do now is prove that his death wasn't in vain. The only way we can honor our comrades that die in battle is by living our lives to the fullest. We honor their lives by making our lives count. Thats the only way.

Time to go north.

Thanks for reading.

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[–]JaxHerer 209 points210 points  (2 children)

Holding back a tear, well written.

[–]Nikelu 73 points74 points  (1 child)

Good job cause I couldn't. I thought this post was about financial freedom and destroying your procrastination and shit but it was much stronger

[–]unn4med 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I couldn’t either man. It really hit me hard

[–]xnesteax 128 points129 points  (1 child)

Wtf man why you gotta do me like that and start tearin me up at work

[–]DuffBude 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Same man, that rarely ever happens to me on reddit but this one got me

[–]saltyafrican 113 points114 points  (1 child)

Great read man. Your dad must be really proud of you.

Tyler Durden: It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.

[–]Dimenzije90 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Just a reminder that reddit doesnt want people to see this....

Great post OP wish you all tge best.

[–]zero0x 74 points75 points  (17 children)

And that’s a quote from Attack on Titans season 1 finale.

Some people learn it the hard way. But you still need to walk the path to learn.

[–]isaiahexe 12 points13 points  (7 children)

Is it? Haven't seen that in forever but it seems like a good quote to keep around.

[–]Gervant_of_Lyria 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Dude, pick it up again, Eren develops into the ultimate Chad and one of the best protagonists in any medium!

[–]isaiahexe 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I've heard, read a few (but not too many) spoilers, the basement was not what I expected but it makes me want to watch s3 and 3, but I've heard he's sort of going bonkers. Also, Armin? Really?

[–]VaN__Darkholme 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In the latest chapter, Eren flips the entire story over its head. The story is fucking awesome

[–]jon_targstark 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It may seem that he's going bonkers, but keep reading. You won't be disappointed.

[–]zero0x 21 points22 points  (2 children)


A person who cannot give up anything, can change nothing.”― Armin Arlet

This was the final moment when Eren decides to overcome his fear. Similar to the post.

[–]idontevenlift37 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If you can’t let it go it’s not worth holding on to.

[–]GirlsAreReallyFeline 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That doesn't seem right. Is there something I'm missing?

[–]PinstripePride97 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Holy shit, it made me cry.

Very powerful message and very inspiring conclusion.

[–]zoom_zoom_zoom 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this.

I think of my Dad often and understand him more now that he’s gone.

Your father gave you a legacy to live a great life. Red pilled. Your life to live

Thanks for the message, and the motivation to connect with my son.

[–]TheChinkLord 12 points13 points  (3 children)

This reminded me of the fact that Amazon employees are "on a strike" against the company's inaction to climate change, yet they are getting a paid vacation for that duration.

IMO, to sacrifice your life force and time (in their case, money) shows true significance in the message that you try to impose, as it demonstrates a strong prioritization of that specific message.

[–]Pokeylaw 7 points8 points  (0 children)

When I read that article, your getting paid your not doing anything of actual worth.
Now the people in Hong Kong are getting there heads bashed in for what they believe in that's some actual shit

[–]vplatt 1 points [recovered]  (1 child)

Yeah, so I suppose the fact that's company policy and that Amazon themselves probably leaked that little factoid to make the strikers look bad just didn't occur to you? How about thinking a little before playing into the hands of a corporate PR campaign? Just a thought.

    [–]TheChinkLord 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    That's pretty irrelevant to what I was intending to say. But sure, let's conspirascize for a bit.

    How do we know Amazon didn't just pay these workers to follow the movement to make themselves look "noble"?

    Is there some elite society of individuals rigging this cultural influence by using Amazon as its figurehead?

    By releasing that little factoid, are they trying to indirectly remain neutral to powerful people or encourage the libtard movement but "just happened" to slip up and the public thinks they're smart for catching it?

    Either way, I was talking about a message losing its significance if there is no dramatic change behind it. By sacrificing some part of your lifestyle, it signifies the message that your life and others aren't above this one specific phenomenon that needs to be spread.

    In other words, this is just white-knighting at full retard capacity. The masses "think with their heart" and empathize too much, becoming man-boobed retarded fags. It's a perfect manipulation tactic to make yourself seem noble, yet seem competent to those above you that you can persuade a population.

    [–]Avicythe 62 points63 points  (6 children)

    Niggas writing novels now damn.

    BUT seriously op really creative and inspiring post, good job.

    [–]sofadarling 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    LOL my goodness gravy. agreed.

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Wait, haven't I seen this before?

    [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Yeah its copy and pasted from a post a couple of years ago. Sad really.

    [–]bamboojerry 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    beautiful and heart wrenching. not what i expected to read tonight. thank you for sharing this

    [–]le_artistic_madlad 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    No, I won't hold back a tear. Lead a great life, brother.

    [–]icanhazTRP 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    My father passed away 11 months ago. I have a somewhat similar story - except my daily life returning home lasted 7 years and my father got severely ill during a 2-week time frame. (He had a cancer and refused treatment. From diagnosis to his passing we still had 18 months.)

    I have lost most of what I had, especially money and friends, but I still have my widow mother to take care of, and a couple of other relatives that I get along with just fine.

    It's been only recently that I have seen good news on the financial side. Oddly, I'm also losing weight and getting my shit together. The future is much brighter today than 11 months ago. Stay strong!

    [–]SmamelessMe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I couldn't help by read the last sentence in Strelok's voice.

    [–]AlleyFrog96 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Live for those you lose along the way.

    [–]MattMan970 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I've read some of your previous posts, I am saddened and relieved your father passed. It sounded hard for the both of you. Now, you both can be free. Thank you for sharing, I am commenting for the few people who will creep my comment history in the future, may they find their path toward their own truth in this fucked up world. I'm glad to have found, the men, may we never lose ourselves.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    This is a repost from a couple of years ago.

    [–]uptimex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Well written. You are a good writer man, besides everything.

    [–]ezio6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The redpill way is to sacrifice your friendship, time, for every big accomplishment there is a big sacrifice equally.

    [–]valdici 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    thanks for sharing this my dude.

    [–]RCOCapital 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Beautiful man, makes me think of my current situation with my father as well, had to hold back tears.

    [–]UsernameIWontRegret 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I come here to get laid not to cry!

    [–]etucker546 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Welp I better go call my ol' man now

    [–]sorryforthelifestory 1 points [recovered]  (3 children)

    This isn't very good. How did you "sacrifice" your dad's life? I'm sorry he died man but I don't really get the point of this. I mean I guess I agree with you overall message about living your life to the fullest but I don't know attempting to process the death of your father through the lens of an internet pseudo-philosophy for sexually frustrated men is really the best way to go about it. Your dad died, people die, and while being on your own may be a powerful motivating factor in your life, you didn't sacrifice shit. Your father didn't need to die for you to become a Red-Pilled Alpha Male Warrior Monk™️. You didn't pay any price, people just die eventually and it fucking sucks.

      [–]1WarriorMonkMode[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      I had a dream of having my cake and eating it too. I had the dream that i could chase worthless pussy while i was young and then go on adventures with my truly heroic dad after i was done screwing around, just like a woman.

      Unfortunately, my dad was out of time. He withered away until he was nothing. The sacrifice was all the wasted time that i couldve spent with him. I can never get that time back with him. He is gone now. He will never again chastise me for catching oneitis. He will never again patiently explain to me the answers i seek out no matter how dumb the question, like the ECs do daily on asktrp.

      His death was a consequence of my sacrifice, not the sacrifice itself. The sacrifice was realization that i took him and his wisdom for granted, when it's clear that he had so much to offer by the fact that people on trp pay money for the information he freely shared with me on a daily basis

      [–]omega_fat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Well done, you should create /trpmisc sub, and post fiction there, as well as discussing which movies, TV shows and song lyrics are the most Red Pill.

      [–]Milldor 10 points11 points  (19 children)

      So much cringe with this mental masturbation

      [–]DeepProphet 8 points9 points  (16 children)

      It's only cringe because of your own insecurities. A man should think about death every day.

      [–]stoicbotanist 13 points14 points  (1 child)

      I agree with him. We can't be the only two...

      It's not that death is cringey. It's like OP thinks he's the star of a film. It's just cringey rhetoric.

      His dad's quotes sound fake.

      [–]Milldor 4 points5 points  (12 children)

      You speak nonsense. He worded the "story" like he's sucking himself off. Think about death everyday? Why would I do that!?! That's stupid

      [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (10 children)

      I read this somewhere sometime and it changed the way I think -

      “The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed."

      Look man, we're going to die. I realised that the moment my grandmother died on my lap a slow, passive death after being bedridden and vegetative for a week or so. Death is not grand. It's the most peaceful thing there is. And when you die, it's going to be the end of you. Your biological self will start decaying as soon as your psychological self vanishes in an instant. An instant. Everything you could do but didn't, everything you did do, everything you built, experienced, learned. Gone. Just like that. SNAP.

      And there's no use trying to fight death. It's going to come. So why not make the best of it like the stoic philosophy would ask us to. When something is ephemeral, that's when it's valued the most. My school is going to end soon, in a matter of months. And it wasn't a joyous ride I'll tell you, it was awkward and anxiety inducing and mostly mundane, but it's gonna end. And that's way I need to go out there every morning and absorb as much as I can of that dumpster.

      Think about it. Accept it. Then mould it your way.

      [–]Protocol_Apollo 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      That was Achilles who said that.

      Also, another interesting dialogue about death:

      You do not fear death. You think this makes you strong... it makes you weak.


      How can you move faster than possible, fight longer than possible without the most powerful impulse of the spirit: the fear of death.

      [–]Milldor -2 points-1 points  (7 children)

      The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last.

      Uh huh a mortal saying that gods are envious. You sound crazy even

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

      I do. I am crazy for moulding my thinking in a way that makes reality not too heavy to cope up with. But it's all I can manage.

      And skip the fucking literature, debate me on the point of it. I want you to debate me, I want you to see what I see.

      [–]Milldor 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      You sound like a teen that discovered what death is and now being all edgy about it. And reality is heavy? What part of being free, doing whatever, wherever you want, is "heavy reality". You have internet, infinite knowledge and yet you choose to believe in stupid edgy shit which makes you feel better how?

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The heavy part is the fact everyone you know, everything you do will turn to dust and rubble, in case you didn't get the memo.

      Okay, and is the mere fact that I'm being 'edgy' enough to invalidate my argument ?
      It's not, and if there's a flaw in my argument, please do point it out, I would love to stand corrected.

      [–]BeetleLord 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      You're the one that sounds like a child here.

      [–]traumatix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It's a lot better than sounding like your jaded ass.

      [–]Protocol_Apollo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      The person who said wasn’t a mortal, he was a demigod/later became a god:


      [–]Milldor -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

      You believe a god wrote it? It's mythology and it was written by people that heard the stories from mouth to mouth. And those words are egotistical

      [–]DeepProphet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      It's one of the main points of a stoic philosophy. By thinking about death you can live free.

      [–]frooschnate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I wouldn’t say “cringe”. I’m not vulnerable towards it, it’s just fucking ridiculous.

      [–]realizmbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The content isn't even bad, it's just written like a goddamn slam poem from the 19th century.

      [–]Lucky-Mustard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Are u fucking kidding with me dude?while reading i was listening this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vmw_KUF_oaM

      now i feel so cold inside

      [–]Pokeylaw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Thxs for this, I'm definitely tearing up to early for this

      [–]umizumiz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Times like these I wish my father stuck around.

      [–]pras[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Pain is just the shattering of an outer shell, like an egg - a false shield of attachments that were hollow to start with. The real you will be born. A man's purpose is more real than his pain. Live from that CORE, not outer attachments. Only live from your Core. You will never stray.

      Reject everything you've been told and reevaluate the entirety of life for yourself. That'st true sovereignty, your personal constitution.

      [–]Jackreno3rd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      So long, dad, see you a little further along the road.

      [–]amphix339 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I hope you find strength and guidance even in your father's after life. Make more of your life and make him proud, I'm sure he's looking down at you at every step

      [–]1milTFSA 1 points [recovered]  (1 child)

      I'm reading this at work and it's got me fucked up; earlier this year I lost my parents, and this post reminds me EXACTLY of what I went through but with my mom. My god this post is beautifully, tragically poetic. I've been fairly sheltered and bluepilled up until about a year or two ago (soon before the tragedy began) as I was watching my mom die. That really kicked my 26-year-old ass into being a man pretty quickly, and my journey to become the best man possible is long underway.

      I am sorry for your loss if this is your personal story. I'm at work replying to this and getting choked so that's all for now; we're all gonna fucking make it bros

        [–]1WarriorMonkMode[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        He was the last blood relative i had left, and the only person i had loved with all my heart.

        Sad to say that a spear has no branches. I got my wish and have become a fine spear.

        [–]kanjistorm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Wtf man now I’m crying and not the emotion I expected to feel when I go to this sub. All the best. Ingat pare

        [–]Adam1394 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I will alway be aware of the enormous sacrifice paid by our ancestors for me to be here today. Never take another single day for granted.

        From 22 people of Jewish part of my family, only 1(!) survived Holocaust - my grandmother, I'm fully aware that there was super high chance I wouldn't even be alive on this planet, that thought disallows me to waste a second of life.

        Thanks for great post of yours.

        [–]amonthofwank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        How many flat earthers we got rockin on this sub? Im getting that vibe.

        [–]RedShock1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I had a feeling it was about loss from the start, moved me man I’ll remember this.

        [–]BillyRedRocks -1 points0 points  (1 child)

        Touching story, nearly warmed my heart.

        Now how about you come back with some field reports instead of tears on paper? Go succeed at something then come back here, cause so far you've got no girls, no cash, no friends, and no dad.

        And no, you haven't learned anything yet. Some crying and some feelings doesn't mean you've learned shit, results show that you've learned your lesson, come back with results.

        [–]1WarriorMonkMode[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        I plan on it. It's what he would've wanted.

        [–]Standgrounding 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        "I fuck a bitch, I forgot her name" ~ Lil Pump, "Gucci Gang".

        That's how you have to treat women in your life.

        Even though my dad is prime example of frustrated blue beta, and I can't share the same love with him, I kind of felt it here.