Okay, I'm going out on a limb but guessing you're around 40 and she's around the same.

If you've been a fat-ass for a long-ass time, and you've been an abdicating, beta, male - likely subsidizing her lifestyle, I'm also assuming - then she has not been attracted to you for a long, long, long time.

Those are facts of life. No need to get bent. Deal with those facts and move on. After all, as I say often, regret is for fucking assholes.

By avoiding your advances (your twice-a-year advances) and initiating sex on her own - while you're extremely sick - she has put you in a tough spot; after all, the thing you've been longing for, her sweet, sweet honey-pot, was finally made available.

What do you do?

Two schools of thought, maybe three:

• Turn it down and move on. What you did.
• Go for it, have crappy sex, perhaps even spread whatever contagion is plaguing you to her.

You chose #1. As SSS said, good choice and the right move.

So why'd she do it?

1. She's fallen madly in love with you because your 11 weeks of efforts have been so successful.
2. She ran across a dude so hot earlier in the day that her vibrator wasn't enough and she needed a real dick - though didn't have the time to get a real dick - and yours was nearby.
3. She is sensing your angst, your 11 weeks of efforts, and that is colliding with her own many years of dissatisfaction, and she's "performing" - by initiating - to either (1) build a case of her own or (2) lesson the damage - to herself - of her many years' worth of shooting you down and the toll its resultant lack of intimacy has taken - because while she may be a bitch who's been turning you down for years, she still has "feelings" and and can emote and can - at a subconscious level at least - appreciate the damage she has done - even while absolving herself of full responsibility for causing that damage because, well, after all, you're just a fat, beta husband and clearly she can do better.

So what to do?

In my opinion, focus less on your recent illness ("I've got the black lung, pop") and more on her years of denying you sex. In so doing you should realize that you lost this woman ages ago.

You are clearly no longer the man she married.

At the same time, in response to my question "is she fat" you answered "she is super hot."

Seems like she is still the woman you married.

As such, you have broken the marital contract and are in arrears, unless of course, you were a fat-ass when you married, which I doubt, but even if you were it would have been inevitable anyway, after all, no woman wants to spend her life fucking a fat man, just like no man wants to spend his life fucking a fat woman.

So, become the man you once were... even better, an improved version of him.

Make your 40's better than your 30's and give her a reason to want to fuck you passionately instead of ignoring you or worse, fucking someone else.

It's quite simple in principle though more difficult when executing.

In the meantime, worry less about her, and worry only - only - about you.

Whether she tags along or not is irrelevant. Remind yourself - each time you feel down - that you're the asshole who fucked this up - she's only reacting to natural instincts and human behavior - yet you let yourself go, you knew you were letting yourself go, and you sat idly by and let it happen.

That won't necessarily make the next few months and beyond any easier, but at least, it can help you keep things in perspective. Things are not happening "to you" they are happening "because of you."