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Are you in an LTR? What is the actual point of a gay relationship if raising children isn't involved? (self.altTRP)

submitted by y22kthrowaway

What the title says. I myself am a bottom, and have fucked around a bit, and now I'm bored. I've been voluntarily celibate for almost a year since. Hookup flings are empty. Making genuine friendships as an adult feels nearly impossible, and I am very much an introvert on top of that. I'm mostly a masc type of 23 year old bottom who lives in a far out rural area, I am very much disconnected from the gay dating scene. I'm not entirely sure I see the point of starting a gay relationship, yet I am very lonely most nights. I'm not sure I'll ever have the desire to raise a child with someone. Gay men also tend to be much more promiscuous. I'm pretty sure If I were straight, I'd honestly still be having this same problem. Existential dread and loneliness never subside. I have a few dogs, and that's one of my preferred methods of coping. Is having risky hook up sex all there is if raising a family isn't the end goal?


[–]crackpjp33 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Honestly... build your own meaning... when you find ‘love’ meaning will come... that being said I’m jaded as shit so take everything I say with a grain of salt... also the more sexual partners you have... the less stable your relationship tend to be

[–]crackpjp30 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

No but I was and he cheated on me multiple times with multiple men... not gunna lie... I really loved him but should have saw it comming from his discontent... having a high body count like over 8 or 9 really fucks up your ability to have a long term relationship lol

[–]y22kthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

This all just sorta reaffirms my doubts honestly

[–]crackpjp30 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Naaah you can have one... just make sure he’s young and is a virgin or has a low body count... that’s the key to it all lol...

[–]y22kthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Lol, I'm the one who isn't a virgin, /I/ have a high body count, and I honestly think I might be a bottom with commitment issues. I'm grappling with my loneliness and the feeling of pointlessness that is getting into an ltr without kids. I just feel so detached from other people, yet I don't see the point in trying to maintain something that's more than just sex if it will all crumble sooner rather than later. I don't believe in love outside of it being an irrational attachment for the moment. A relationship built on feelings is doomed to fail.

[–]crackpjp30 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah... congrats you fucked your self... if you get into a relationship chances are you’ll be discontent with it because your used to a variety of cock... if I were you and you want a relationship... settle for a Fuckboy or someone with an equally high who’s trying to settle down as he’ll know how to put you in line... it won’t be as good as 2 virgins like my first relationship but... it’ll last longer than if you met some young dude with no experience. That being said... it’ll still be kinda crappy and might be abusive.

TLDR; congrats you fucked your self by being promiscuous lmao...

shoulda listened to your bible study growing up... not everything in the good book is bullshit lol don’t worry... I did the same thing too lol. I’m a grade A Fuckboy top lol

[–]y22kthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think this was a problem I would have inevitably run into even if I wasn't promiscuous lol. I definitely don't consider myself a slut, I've been abstinent for about a year because I've been pursuing my hobbies, and I think sex with random strangers is pretty high risk with no reward. The feeling of disgust and apathy after getting off is never worth the effort. Disillusionment with life and isolation have been with me since I was a child.

[–]crackpjp30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well then settle for a Fuckboy who’s trying to settle down... that’s my advice... honestly relationships are they’re own thing... not everything you imagined it would be but still very magical until you get jaded like me... but yeah you don’t live unless you experience things so go for it

[–]vancityguy960 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I think you're overthinking this. When you find someone that makes you feel "love" or whatever you want to call it then you'll see the point of a relationship. I believe "the point" of a gay relationship is to find another man to form a close bond with, sexually, romantically, and otherwise, and that this relationship should have an Alexander and Hephaestion dynamic. One leads and one follows (but the follower is not necessarily feminine and should still strive to be masculine).

I don't think that the number of partners is inherently bad, and if anything I think in your situation (and most gay men's situation) it is for the best. We don't get to healthily explore our sexuality and what we like till we're older unlike straight people who can do that in high school. So I think it's important to do some exploring before you jump into a relationship, otherwise, you'll probably end up feeling trapped.

[–]y22kthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don't think I believe in "love". Emotions are fleeting and science proves it. I've never had a crush on someone, as much as I'd consider it a sexually fueled fixation. It's difficult for me to see the point in something with no end goal...

[–]vancityguy960 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That logic doesn't really make sense though. Everything we do is fueled by chemicals in our brain so following your logic we should just kill ourselves since it doesn't have any meaning and is arbitrary. Your life has meaning because of the meaning you give it. I'm not trying to attack you when I say this but you're response reads like an edgy 16 year old. When you find someone who makes you feel that certain way then you'll know what other people are talking about.

I think the issue that a lot of gay men on this sub deal with is this idea that the gay red pill is simply to deride our same sex attraction and to try and make ourselves as heterosexual as possible or to just ignore our sexuality entirely. When really it should be about distancing ourselves from the politicized homosexuality that is everywhere now and to focus on becoming a masculine man.

[–]y22kthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I guess I see your point,, Maybe I'm just incapable of having those feelings.

What does becoming a masculine man really mean exactly for someone who is gay though? I find that to be pretty vague.

[–]vancityguy960 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Becoming masculine means working on not having your identity be all about being gay (and how lonely being gay makes you feel) and also being actually passable for a straight man.

And you're not incapable of feeling those feelings unless you're a psychopath which I really doubt you are. This really does just read like angst and lack of experience with the wider world as an adult. Find another man who makes you want to constantly improve and challenge yourself. Just because you've never experienced it doesn't mean you can't or that it isn't real. I've never been to the moon but it doesn't stop me from believing it's real. As gay men we're lucky in that our romantic relationships don't have to be centered around taking care of a child, it can be about whatever you want your "mission in life" to be.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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