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Two questions here, packed into one post:

Date Nights

As part of my "I'm gonna fix my marriage come hell or high water" campaign, one coach we worked with earlier this year recommended a weekly date night. I plan the date, and she goes along for the ride.

It seems to give her a lot of good feels when I do it right, but sexually it never seemed to move the dial.

What feedback do you guys have on date nights? How frequent? What's the motivation? As you can imagine, in the past there have been a lot of covert contracts packed into them that I might still be trying to disentangle.

Bedtime

My wife is a night owl. She always has been. I'm a morning person.

Lately, I've been accommodating her bedtime preferences in order to ensure we have adequate time for devotions and prayer before bed. However, either because of work, gym, or the kids, I'm always up by 6a every day.

I definitely need to go to bed earlier, but I'm wondering if I should get my wife to go to bed earlier. How do you navigate that? My first inclination is to simply do devotions and I personally go to sleep when I want to. I wanted feedback from ya'll if you've learned any lessons that I might be about to stumble into.


[–]SkimTheDross4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’re operating date night on a covert contract for sex. You pretty much spelled that out in your post.

Have date night because you want to have fun with her, make memories, learn more about her and because she adds value to your life.

Bedtime sounds like you’ve been trying to please her. If you need to be in bed by a certain time make that happen. You may find she follows your lead.

[–]DoersOfTheWord0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This was me. "Date Night", do all the chores so she's "relaxed", candles. All the crap advice that's written by women to help men setup their covert contracts.

[–]4percent33811 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Q: What’s the motivation for date night? A: Because I enjoy my wife and want to have 1:1 fun with her while exploring interesting or gratifying experiences. Such as a Restaurant I haven’t been to, or a hike or walk in a ice part of town I haven’t been to.

Bedtime: if she gets up earlier, she’ll go to sleep earlier. Her mission is you and the kids, not Facebook.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's funny how you put "her mission."

If ever she asks me something and I tell her, "It's none of your business," she replies, "You *are" my business!"

Very helpful stuff. Thanks!

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As part of my "I'm gonna fix my marriage come hell or high water" campaign

You're calling this a covert contract from the beginning dude. No bueno.

You want to go out at night once a week? Then go (if you want). Ask her if she wants to go (if you want). Call it a "date night" (if you want). Go have fun (if you want).