Yesterday, /u/femmefatalle made an excellent point.
You can attract women even if you're the most boring shit out there (by male standards) just by having a teasing, self-amused and a cocky personality.
Part 2 focuses directly on how to become funny, confident, and self-amused, so if your primary goal is to fuck women then focus on this post and ignore Part 1.
This is not a guide on how to fuck women. This is guide on self-improvement. Although throughout this guide I relate the information to picking up women, the main focus is on self-improvement while sexual strategy is secondary. Yes, improving yourself will make you more appealing to women, but if that's your only goal then Part 1 is needlessly complicated and difficult. If you're not following this guide for your own sake, you will fail.
The last post discussed hobbies, interests, and experiences. Together they comprise the CORE of who you are. But with all products, you need to market it and sell it. And make no mistake, when it comes to women you are definitely a product. It’s called the Sexual Market Place for a reason.
Undoubtedly you’ve heard “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but why would you slap an ugly cover on an amazing book? The truth is that people are constantly judging you superficially. It’s not enough to simply have a fit body. You need to dress well and groom yourself. Likewise, it’s not enough to simply have an interesting personality. You need humor, charisma, and eloquence.
1. BE FUNNY
“Being funny” might seem like the simplest thing in this post to accomplish, but developing your wit is more daunting than you might think. You can memorize common shit tests and their responses, but true game is an integral part of you. Likewise, even if you have canned jokes at the ready, your wit needs to be organic in order to respond to the chaotic and dynamic nature of conversations.
Being funny isn’t easy. We would hardly compare comedians to doctors and lawyers, but truthfully it takes real intelligence and insight to be funny. You need to have excellent observational skills, analytical abilities, and quickness of thought. You need social acumen to recognize your context and audience and determine the best way to deliver your humor, along with the right vocabulary to convey your meaning both simply and unambiguously. Furthermore, you need to be funny in a way that appeals to women. It’s easy to be a clown, pandering to her for the sake of her amusement. Not only is this disrespectful of yourself, women will instinctually recognize your supplication and be disgusted. Women don’t fuck clowns. Operate with the intention of amusing yourself; never her. The impact of your humor is always lessened when it's delivered for the sole benefit of those around you.
Luckily, humor, like game, can be developed through practice, observation, and education. To improve our game, we read what more experienced men have written on the subject. To improve our wit, we observe our comedic betters. This is primarily done through watching stand-up and television. It seems antithetical to the RP notions of constant improvement, but watching comedy is a great way to be entertained as you improve yourself. The key to doing so is ACTIVE OBSERVATION. You can’t passively sit back and let the media wash over you. You need to engage the material with a critical mind to educate yourself. On a basic level you will be exposed to what is “funny”, but more specifically you observe the nuances of body language, delivery, and comedic timing. This is the most important aspect. Delivery is everything. It is the difference between crushing a shit test and getting a drink thrown in your face. Even the smartest, most clever jokes will fall flat if the delivery is poor.
These are my own specific recommendations. I’m sure other members will have more thoughtful and effective suggestions. Look at popular comedians like Louis CK, John Mulaney, Kyle Kinane, and Hannibal Buress in addition to podcasts and specials from more familiar RP comics like Bill Burr, Joe Rogan, Bryan Callen, and Patrice O’Neal. Some smartly written TV shows include Community, 30 Rock, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Archer. Watch sharp movies like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, In Bruges, Juno, the Cornetto trilogy, and anything by Mel Brooks. The point isn’t to watch what’s “reddest and most Alpha”. You’re watching to become a funnier person, although always be cognizant of the underlying message any media is conveying. Furthermore, DON’T TRY TO PLAY A CHARACTER. I could not emphasize this more. You want to develop your own sense of humor, not emulate someone else’s performance in a stilted, affected, and ultimately shittier way.
When you’re out with a group of people, pay attention to the flow of conversation. Who is making the jokes? What is the subject matter? How are people responding? Here’s a real life example: in yesterday’s post I mentioned trying heroin. I considered this to be a blatantly ridiculous suggestion for the purposes of creating humor, just like I wouldn’t actually recommend talking to girls about taxidermy. But the response from the sub was overwhelmingly negative, and could have easily overtaken the entire post. In the future, if any of you are attempting to be lighthearted on TRP, you now know that references to hard drugs will not be well received. The same logic applies to any other group. Girls at the bar probably won't respond to obscure references. Sexual humor probably won't fly at work.
Observing other people’s conversations will give you a more coherent understanding of the organic nature of real life comedy, versus prepared stand-up and edited television. The humor might be dry and clever or deadpan and sarcastic. It could be lame puns. It could be interpersonal in the form of good-natured ribbing and “giving each other shit”. If that ribbing becomes aggressive and antagonistic, pay attention to how people attack each other. Be aware of how comedians respond to hecklers and take note, especially when others AMOG you. Being funny means that in the moment you are the center of attention, which lends itself to criticism and jealousy from others.
Eventually you will begin recognizing natural setups where you can interject with your own words. Unlike television, you don’t have the luxury of 37 different takes, so it is crucial that you commit to whatever it is you say. No whispered mumbles; speak clearly with confidence and self-assurance. And if your joke falls flat, at least you go down in style.
Your sense of humor and your game/frame are indelibly linked. As you become funnier, your game becomes tighter and your frame becomes rock solid. Agreeing/ amplifying and amused mastery both directly rely on your sense of humor and ability to be funny. Your intelligence and wit are vital to a properly executed pressure flip. And when needed, your observational skills and insight will allow you to deliver exquisitely brutal nuclear shutdowns.
In contrast to being humorous, becoming charismatic is much more straightforward. Improving yourself will improve your SMV, and a subsequent increase in charisma is a natural consequence. A big part of this is due to the HALO EFFECT. Good physical shape, hygiene, personal style will all make you more appealing, and that physical appeal will cause others to view everything about you in a better light. A fat slob and a fit stud could both deliver the same exact line in the same scenario with the same delivery, but one is creep and the other is charming. Humans are a visual species, and you must appeal to our superficiality to be successful.
Apart from physical appearance, the key component of charisma is confidence. The easiest way to demonstrate confidence is to actually be confident. This is why working out and having hobbies are so critical. You could disregard the last post entirely and still be successful with women, but it will be so much easier if you are authentic. Nonetheless, if there is one area where “fake it till you make it” works, it is confidence.
There are many physical aspects to confidence. When you speak, do so clearly and directly. Practice vocal exercises to deepen and strengthen your voice. Make direct eye contact when speaking to others. Develop good posture when walking: back straight, shoulders back, head high, leading with your dick. Controlled stride. When you enter the room you want people to notice. When sitting, especially with girls, be relaxed and expansive. Spread out, get comfortable, and bring others into YOUR space. Don’t alter yourself to accommodate theirs. Emulate the relaxed power and deadly elegance of a lion. This is just another of the many reasons why physical exercise is so important; that natural, animal grace can’t be faked. Your body language reveals much about you: never allow it to be nervous or hesitant. Don’t twitch or fidget. Dance studios have floor length mirrors for a reason. The best way to practice your posture and body language is by looking in the mirror.
Confidence, and therefore charisma, is all about nuance and balance. Be passionate without being emotional. Be assertive in conversations. Never needlessly antagonize others, but always stand your ground. Show intelligence without condescension, and be playful without being childish. Tailor yourself to the situation. While the party is in full swing, be boisterous and exciting. When tensions are high, exude quiet ferocity and command the room. In the intimate moments before dawn, be smooth, seductive, and dominant. When dealing with eligible women, at all times maintain an undercurrent of sexual energy.
Another important aspect is cultivating an aura of mystery. Don't be so quick to divulge information about yourself. Scarcity implies value. When you reveal aspects of yourself slowly and deliberately, those around you will be both intrigued and attentive. But as I mentioned earlier, DON’T TRY TO PLAY A CHARACTER. Don’t try to be Don Draper, Frank Underwood, James Bond, or Walter White. All confident, charismatic men will share certain qualities, but you need to apply those qualities to your own unique persona rather than ape a fictional character.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: Don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s just as bad as constant self-deprecation. Don’t forget to be FUN. No one likes a try-hard or buzzkill.
When it comes to good conversation, the simple approach works best. Practice makes perfect. You need to constantly approach and have conversations with other people. People in line, in class, on the street, on the subway, and in the store. Talk to anyone that seems open, not just attractive women. The majority of these people won’t be interested and will give you a curt response, but others will be very amicable and you can practice your conversational skills. Keep it light to start. It’s called small talk for a reason. If they seem bored, learn how to disengage smoothly. If they seem attentive, start branching out into other topics. The whole process is similar to cold approaching, but without the pressure of sexual expectation. Nothing will help you build outcome independence like approaching a dozen different strangers every day. You have conversations for your own benefit, and never feel obligated to remain in one if you're no longer enjoying yourself.
When I was a freshman in college, I was deathly shy. I could have deep conversations with my friends, but I was terrified to approach new people and I would struggle to form a basic connection. If I found myself alone at a party, I would retreat to the corner and stay out of sight. I got over this by literally FORCING myself to talk to as many people as possible whenever I went out. At first I could only do it after drinking, with my inhibitions lowered but my mind slowed. Eventually, I was able to approach sober. The more I did it, the easier it became and the better I got. By the time I graduated, I could walk into a house full of strangers and leave as everyone’s new best friend. The more you talk to people, the more you can get them to open up and engage with you. Recognize the difference between awkward pauses and the natural ebb and flow of conversation. Learn how to minimize the awkward pauses while comfortably enjoying the organic silences. This is also great for diffusing tense situations.
The mark of a great conversation is that it flows. It’s effortless. You find a genuine connection with another person and the words flow naturally. With practice, you no longer have to rely on meeting “the right person” that you “just vibe with”. You can forge a connection with anyone who is relatively friendly and intelligent. Humor and charisma are vital because they make other people more comfortable around you. It’s so much easier to talk to people when they want to talk to you. The last post mentioned experiences, but what good are they if you can't share them? Great storytellers are those who can share insightful observations in a humorous and appealing way. Use concise but descriptive language, and always keep things relatable to your audience.
The third and final post in this series will discuss IN DEPTH on how to make new friends, expand your social circle, and surround yourself with quality people who add value to your life.
EDIT: Added links