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What is your biggest regret? (self.askRPC)

submitted by da_independent_varia

Mine was chasing female validation and compromising on my beliefs bc I thought I would be a square and not liked

Asking out girls I had no business talking to bc I knew they weren’t believers. But it felt good to get attention and maybe possibly it might work. But it never does.


[–]Rifleshoot3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Probably having sex before marriage. I regret it for its sinfulness. Did it harm our relationship? I don't know, as this is the only marriage I've ever had, but I wish I had waited.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I didn't lift in high-school, or college, or my early 30's.

[–]DoersOfTheWord1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This. Literally no one ever encouraged me to be strong. Now (in my forties) lifting hurts.

[–]Billy_King2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

College student here. Didn’t start lifting until I found this sub

[–]DoersOfTheWord2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lucky. The world is your oyster.

[–]dgd_mobius_centurion0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well you know what they say: "The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. The second best time is now."

[–]OrlandoTheAxe1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

What is the point of this question?

[–]da_independent_varia[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

What is the point of your comment?

[–]OrlandoTheAxe1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

To see if this is post is more than a request for validation.

[–]da_independent_varia[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

That makes sense. I want to validate myself by hearing people’s saddest stories.

[–]OrlandoTheAxe0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

More like you say, "my biggest regret is ____." And everybody responds, "That's rough buddy. We feel so sorry for you."

Then you feel validated. But you can't be that blatant about it because then folks might call you out. So instead you phrase it as a question to lure others in.

 

Or perhaps I'm off the mark. It's hard to interpret others' intentions online. Why make such a vague and open-ended post otherwise? What will you do with the information you receive?

[–]da_independent_varia[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

No. I only wrote something bc my last post I had to write something. I don’t look for pity and what I said was really a half hearted attempt to get the ball rolling bc my last post got locked up originally for not putting text.

Have you never been to a men’s group? They tend to share each other’s vulnerability and I think it would be good for people to open up a little

You should probably ratchet down your cynicism. It’s not very alpha

[–]OrlandoTheAxe0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Relax bro, no reason to get defensive. It's common to check each other here. Iron sharpens iron.

Being vulnerable for the sake of being vulnerable is feminine. If you're trying to learn from people's mistakes, that's a good reason. If you're trying to get help with a problem, that's a good reason.

If you're here to commiserate, that's just a validation exchange.

[–]da_independent_varia[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I guess I have to trust you. You would be a good judge of what’s feminine. And if being vulnerable is feminine, you would know.

I don’t see where validation was exchanged here but I guess I’m not a cynic. Thanks for contributing. I guess

[–]OrlandoTheAxe0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Insults and sarcasm aside, I reckon I got an answer to the original question. You made this post to "hear people's saddest stories" and "share vulnerabilities." My point was: doing that accomplishes nothing substantive.

I may be wrong, and, on your recommendation, I'll start looking into the role vulnerability might play in biblical manhood. We're all hear to learn, guide, and encourage after all. I'm happy to be wrong if it get's me closer to the Truth.

In the meantime, have you had an opportunity to read this post? Red's thesis here is basically that positive, lasting relationships are not built on being vulnerable with others, but on doing things together. That's not to say vulnerability has no place in relationships. The extent to which is does is the topic of our disagreement.

[–]da_independent_varia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for taking time to do this. And giving me a mature response. It’s easy for me to be an asshat behind a computer screen. Excuse me.

[–]UpTanks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is actually a really important topic but perhaps needed to be fleshed out more and posted in the big subreddit.

As a 21 year old I'll always listen to older dude's regrets and general life advice for situations that we all face at some point. The best advice comes from someone who's "been there, done that" - and yet remains a committed RP Christian.

​

For me personally, my 'big regret/thing I would do differently' would have to be: being a giant wuss. Growing up I was way too sensitive and this meant I didn't grab opportunities with 100% determination. It also affected my general mental health and self-esteem.

What I should've done (starting at the age of 10) is gone to boxing or some sort of martial art classes, continued this through high school and then trained up my general fitness during my spare time.

​

This would've solved so many issues and given me a lot of confidence. But I'm only starting this kind of thing now as opposed to 10 years ago. So that's my biggest regret so far.

[–]the_walk_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In hs I was socially fearful, and also I refused to deal with my porn problem

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not finishing college. I dropped out because I was offered the kind of job I was going to college to get, lol. If I had stayed in that field, it wouldn't have been a problem, but I didn't, so now certain doors are closed to me.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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