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How can we rectify God's command to marry when marriage is one of the fastest ways to lose respect in the eyes of your girl. Before marriage her idea of you is very exciting, but once she lives with you and gets to know you as a person who has short coming she comes to respect you less. Marriage also makes your space turn into our space, and in many times your kitchen becomes her kitchen. What do we do with this?


[–]Deep_Strength10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

when marriage is one of the fastest ways to lose respect in the eyes of your girl.

Says who? Fornicators who are banging women that have no self control and easily branch swing?

Be careful about who you get your information from. I'm not saying NAWALT, but they don't understand marriage as well as you think they do.

Before marriage her idea of you is very exciting, but once she lives with you and gets to know you as a person who has short coming she comes to respect you less.

Or if you're dedicated to your mission for God and excellence she might respect you more.

Marriage also makes your space turn into our space, and in many times your kitchen becomes her kitchen.

Delegate authority if you want. If you don't want, then make the decisions and take her advice into consideration.

You're already in her frame when you raise these questions because you are not taking control of the things in your life. As the potential head of marriage, everything falls to your responsibility first.

[–]ENTPunisher6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Marriage also makes your space turn into our space, and in many times your kitchen becomes her kitchen.

Oh the horror, a woman handling groceries and cooking for the family. What's she going to take over next, the garden?

[–]KongKing13[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I think guys know what I mean, when you try to do something in the kitchen and your girl makes it like you're an idiot and you don't know what you're doing. At the end of the day it's your kitchen.

[–]ENTPunisher5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ideally you should be getting married because the things you've set out to accomplish would be impossible without a helper. For most guys, that means that they delegate household minutia to their wives. If you want to become the President of the US, you don't have time to make chicken and broccoli every week. That's why all the big men in charge in this world have badass wives who help with their daily household operations, scheduling, children, and so on. That's why the Bible talks about how valuable a hard-working wife is. She's not in charge, but you have to have a wife you can rely on when it comes to delegating.

If cooking isn't one of the things you want to delegate to your wife, there's nothing wrong with that. But it sure sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands.

[–]KongKing13[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If that is the reason productive men get married, couldn't a man just hire someone to care for the household duties that he doesn't have time to do.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, but that also means you will live a life of celibacy.

Ideally, you should be living a mission that attracts the interest of women who will be more than willing to be your helper. :)

If you can't control your desire of having sex with one of those aforementioned women, then marry!

If you can, then hire an assistant.

[–]Rifleshoot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You set the standard, not her. When my wife and I got married, I laid out exactly how I wanted our dishwasher to be loaded. She balked at first, then did as I asked. Now, it’s second nature for her. And when she teases you over something, it’s just her testing your frame. You A&A, AM, or any other “technique” you want to use and move on.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Just in my own humble opinion, a man who is married(especially to an HB) has a high SMV because it shows his pre-selection.

More importantly, if he is managing his household well(enthusiastic wife and submissive children) it raises his usefulness in the kingdom of God, as that is a qualification that Paul submits for an elder. In other words, a successful marriage means you have your head on straight and can handle your mission with refined skill.

[–]KongKing13[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

what do you mean by pre-selection, and why is that attractive to your wife? Your wife also knows herself and how she is flawed, if you pre-selected her you must not be that great either

[–]Continuous-Metanoia2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is the sidebar definition from r/RPChristians

Preselection - The idea that women are more attracted to men who already have the interest of other women. This saves the woman time in judging a man by using the idea that other women have already judged him favorably.

Full list of terms here--> https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/wiki/glossary

[–]KongKing13[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

That works for women outside of your marriage but not necessarily women inside your marriage, wouldn't your wife think less of you because you picked her and not the girl she is jealous of.

[–]Continuous-Metanoia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well to be fair to the defintion, when you bring up the subject of SMV, you are then talking about all women in said marketplace, not just your wife.

But to your point, that is why choosing your wife out of abundance before marriage is crucial to attraction post marriage.

u/OsmiumZulu does an amazing job of fleshing out this concept in this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/7aewjo/for_singles_getting_laid_like_a_christian_part_2/

Here is an excerpt from post that drives home my point:

Women love competition and the feeling of getting the shiny toy that all the other women fought her for. When I met my wife, I was leading a large young adult Bible study group at my church. There were about five other women there who were obviously interested in me. In addition, there were several attractive non-Christian women that I knew who were, let’s just say very forward in showing their interest in me. To this day my wife gets a little gleeful thinking about me picking her over them. (Emphasis mine)

[–]afterthe_fapocalypse1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. We do. Whether we do through marriage, or some other way, it is always the man who lowers his own SMV. He follows the lead of his wife too often, or he gets fat and lazy and watches TV instead of wrestling with the world via his interests and passions, or he gets stressed out about money and image and peerage ... on and on.

It's always the man.

[–]Willow-girl1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Before marriage her idea of you is very exciting, but once she lives with you and gets to know you as a person who has short coming she comes to respect you less.

It makes me sad that so many young people seem to anticipate failure. SMH. Why not assume you'll be an awesome husband and you'll have a wife who adores you?

[–]coachdad81 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Generation of boys who have never been successful at much so why should marriage be any different?

I'm raising my sons excited for marriage.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]coachdad80 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Polygamy was spoken against by Paul in the new testament. Man of one woman. Two become one flesh. I don't see the relevancy of bringing up old testament examples in this context unless you want to send woemn outside the camp for 7 days when they are "unclean" each month.

[–]Willow-girl1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hmm, a 7-day vacation every month?! SIGN ME UP! (The red tent does have a WiFi connection, right?)

[–]coachdad80 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've told my wife that I prefer to be gone from the house when she's out of commission... that way I dont have to lust after her knowing it's forbidden.

[–]Willow-girl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So you go to the red tent, then? :-)

(Around here, we call that "BJ week.")

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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