625,770 posts


Blue Pill Example

Don’t bend your schedule to fit hers


submitted by bluefingerblue | Blog View | Download Post: Download PDF Download TXT

This might be 100% common knowledge, but I just learned my lesson the hard way. Figured I’d share what I learned in case it helps prevent someone else from making the same mistake.

A couple months ago I go out with this girl and we have a good first date. End up f closing her that night. She hits me up a couple days later for a booty call and all is well. Anyway she’s a pretty busy girl but I want to see her again so I start trying to set up meets. Every time she would say she was busy on the day I propose, but she’d propose another day and I’d go along with it. At this point, given our schedules, we’re probably only hanging out once a week or so.

Every time I agree to meeting up on her time, it feels like I’m falling into her frame, but my desire for sex outweighed my self respect in holding frame. What I realized is sometimes you need to be ok with standing your ground and not having sex if she won’t play on your terms. I was afraid of her losing interest if we went a few weeks without hanging out. And thus I was also afraid of losing her. This kind of neediness is transparent to them. Never get attached. Always be ok with plates dropping. Slowly but surely I started to give off a desperate vibe. Now she’s sending me mixed signals, but as the great Pook points out, mixed signals are the message.

One day she’ll ask me what my plans are, then when I try to get her out, she either can’t or won’t respond. I’ve come to realize this means it's over and I’ll be going no contact. Already deleted her number. In hindsight, I think if I was less thirsty for sex and refused to reschedule on her terms, she’d probably still be attracted to me. Always put yourself first and don’t be afraid of losing her. Acting out of fear of losing her will blow up in your face every time.

This might not be earth shattering advice, but it’s a lesson I just learned the hard way. And if you feel yourself getting oneitis (as I started to), voluntarily cut yourself off from her until you’ve cultivated more abundance. Otherwise she’ll eventually drop you anyway. The only reason she kept me around for so long is because I’m hotter than her. Nevertheless, catering to her schedule is beta behavior that will cause her to lose attraction to you. Lesson learned.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor235 points236 points  (9 children) | Copy

Just remember this key tip: you are always busy whenever she has to move.

You lift iron. Orbiters lift couches.

[–]liberty112760 points61 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'm a mover by profession. I moved my ex's family members, but had them pay my going rate of 100/hr haha

[–]arctane30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy

Had a work female I was getting friendly with try pull this move on me... Connected with her... And a week later throws the old 'Im moving and Im sick I need you to help' it was at this point I understood her intentions and told her thats what her boyfriend is for. Fucking harpie!

[–]Kinbaku_enthusiast11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Upon deciding to really implement the redpill into my life, I started treating a lontime female friend slightly differently. When I looked at the friendship balance sheet so to speak, she definitely asked me for help a lot more than vice versa. I decided to see what happens if I treat her as I would an acquintance: positive interactions when I see em, but no real effort to meet and no avors. After I didn't have time to help her twice, she got angry. That was very telling. She wasn't asking for help, she was assuming my help. I thought about responding for a while, then met up with her and let her know that wasn't cool and I was irritated by her behaviour.

That coupled with treating her somewhat differently, being willing to lose the friendship, made her start to treat me a lot better. Surprise homebaked cookies. More considerate attention. Last couple of times reaffirming that she regards me as a good friend (seeking I think, for my agreement and possibly going back to readily available to help her with whatever).

I am happy with that. I don't think she really realizes what she does and is reactive and in general she is a fun friend, if less reliable than a male friend... but then those never bake me cookies, share art or invite me to events I would otherwise miss.

Being busy when she wanted my help has transformed this friendship for the better.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I started treating a lontime female friend slightly differently.

Here we go, finally. Yes. This is not a moment; it is a journey. No one herp-derps and swallows the pill with a glass of water and then shitlords the rest of the day away.

[–]bvdintentions 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

"The rule of Brad Pitt"

Everytime you get rejected think to yourself, would she do that to Brad Pitt?

If you call and she says she's busy or whatever justification she may bring up, she's just not into you. If Brad Pitt called her she would drop in the second whatever plan she may have had.

An interested girl who's really busy will simply propose another date.

Save yourself cringe material to leave you sleepless after 5 years.

[–]ColonelMitche136 points37 points  (1 child) | Copy

"My grandma died I can't go"

Fuck time to block her number

[–]Aestheticcunt19962 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahaha I have to laugh because one girl texted me exactly this 1 week before our trip to vienna. After that she stopped replying to my messages and I went no contact + deleted her number

[–]ZeonusBDO4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I really love that rule. I do have to ask though, if the girl you call is in their mid-late twenties and working full time + a student, should you still expect them to drop the school work/call in to work to see you? I get women will do anything, but at the same time I would still probably next her if she had behavior like that.

[–]Former_Judaizer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nah. I know numerous women who wouldn’t drop studying for exams, work, or numerous other things for The Pitt

[–]LeavingHumanityBehin 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

That is a very stupid rule, because none of us ever will, was or is Brad Pitt. Stupid to apply a rule that will be false every time. No, you are not Brad Pitt and no girl will EVER treat you like you were Brad Pitt.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

All it’s saying is if she’s interested, she’ll either comply or make some effort to reschedule. If she says she’s busy or has other plans without rescheduling, she’s just not that interested.

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove56 points57 points  (5 children) | Copy

If you have flexibility in your schedule and let her know that you automatically are breaking frame.

If you have flexibility it will appear you have no life. Because if you had a life you wouldn't be flexible. It's your way or the highway.

It's like female options, only with your life. Women are attracted to a man with multiple options. Same goes with your life. A man with a lot of shit to do is more attractive than one who has nothing going on in his life.

[–]bvdintentions 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

If you have flexibility it will appear you have no life. Because if you had a life you wouldn't be flexible.

I'm pretty sure even Elon Musk has flexibility in his schedule. Since we're talking about and alpha lifestyle, it isn't healthy to be constantly playing the game. You have things to take care of but everyone can be flexible, guns are always loaded but some guns are aesthetically pleasing and feel good to fire so if they're eager to play with us we make some time for them.

You know... we aren't in a war with women.

[–]SuperCrazy0717 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm pretty sure even Elon Musk has some flexibility in his schedule.

LOL, Elon Musk is like the least alpha rich guy of all time (with regard to women).

[–]Endorsed Contributormallardcove7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am not saying you don't have to be flexible or have no free time.

What I am saying is that you never need to let women know that. Always appear busy.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's like magic: When I'm incredibly busy, let the girl know, and have to set up dates a week or two ahead of time they always show on the day and/or respond when I text them about the plan. When I let them know I have some time off and can meet them in a couple of days they generally either ghost me on the phone or blow me off. Women respond to men who have shit going on in their life, even if it inconveniences them.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Don't even tell bitches you have mutiple days off from work. Told this to a potential plate and she ghosted.

[–]blkMGTOW07137 points138 points  (8 children) | Copy

Round of applause for you sir!

I agree completely. As a man trying to achieve greatness, your schedule should be filled with progressive activities. Gym, studying, Personal Development, hobbies, etc.

In no way do you cancel these things to spend time with a woman. You let her know your priorities will always be more important than her and she will respect you for it. Read "The Way of the Superior Man" and it explains this perfectly.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Girls actually love you more for not bending to their wishes

[–]blkMGTOW071 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Facts my man, facts. Whenever I get the chance I will say no to a woman. And when I do say yes they appreciate it 10x more cause they know they have a string of no's coming again.

[–]2Dmva10030 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yep and if she tries to flake or is going to be late tell her to pickup food and then bail and go do something else/bang another plate etc and then that way the food will go to waste and she will have spent her hard earned barista tip money and more children in Bolivia will remain hungry

[–]LSUTTONIII16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Barista tip money” Lmaoooo. The default independent broke bitch job is always in the service industry.

[–]FaerieDrake2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Although, let's say you got nothing planned. Isn't it fine to agree to the day she offered?

[–]blkMGTOW079 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's nothing wrong with that but don't be so quick to agree. If a girl asks me to hang out, even if I know I'm free when she asks to see me, I'll still say something like "I think I have something planned that day. Give me 10 minutes to check my schedule". Stretch it to 20 minutes and give her time to think. Let her mind play games on her and dread the idea you might be busy. Then when you say you're free she becomes more excited.

I know it sounds like extra work but you gotta every tool in your arsenal to stay ahead of the game, even if you're bluffing. She won't know that of course. The goal is to make it seem like you have a busy lifestyle. You don't wanna appear too available or she won't appreciate your time.

[–]Ananonguy8827 points28 points  (10 children) | Copy

I have it same with my palate currently, except, when I regain strength and drop her, she starts crawling back, calling me, etc. I get soft on her and the circle repeats.

I go every time and everywhere she leads me on. Then she goes cold on me, I cut contact, she comes back.

Shit's tiresome, that's the price of oneitis.

[–]Mellyanish 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I have played this game. It is not worth the repeated heartbreak.

Decide to stop, and then stop.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 7 points8 points  (8 children) | Copy

That’s a good point. On the off chance she comes crawling back, I haven’t decided if I’d ignore her or open the door again. The self respecting version of myself says ignore her. The beta / oneitis version says open the door but refuse to fall into the same pattern as before. That sounds good in theory but not so sure in practice.

[–]PhaedrusHunt4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

Probably early enough to regain frame. Also she's probably fucking other dudes.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] -2 points-1 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah I know she is. Saw a condom in her trash can once. Thing is I’m not the jealous type. But she’s been disrespectful of my time which actually bothers me. And I made the mistake of showing her I was angered by that lack of respect for my time. Should’ve just withdrawn instead.

[–]PhaedrusHunt4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah. Probably ghost or break contact for a while. But if she's not that hot and is acting like this hell. No.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

She has a great body and a great personality (when in person). I’m a pretty good looking guy no homo. Lift a lot, less than 10% body fat. But my game and relationship intelligence could not have been more blue pill up until recently. Way too needy. Way too emotional. Using women for validation seeking, etc. All pretty pathetic behavior but starting to turn the corner. I lost frame pretty quickly with this one but I think she gave me some slack based on looks. Going no contact and I’ve come to terms with never seeing her again. I know the cure to my behavior is abundance, setting boundaries and not being afraid to walk away. Reading about this stuff is one thing, but sometimes you just need to experience it first hand to learn.

[–]PhaedrusHunt1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

How many other women are you fucking and how old are you? Spin more plates.

It sounds crazy, but it's not that hard to have four or five plates going at once. If you decide you want to make one of them your girlfriend, that's where you'll choose from.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve fucked 4 other girls since I met this one but never converted them to plates. Part of that is my fault for not pushing harder. I didn’t like them as much as I liked this one, but now I realize the folly in that thinking.

Problem is I’m 29 and live with my parents. Moving out next month thank god. Once that happens I’ll be able to cultivate abundance much more easily. I’ve just gotten to the point where I feel comfortable cold approaching. I’m excited to keep practicing over the next month so I can hit the ground running next month. My biggest problem is certainly lack of abundance. That will fix most of my issues.

[–]Witch-Doctor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck man I totally relate to that. I’ve gone through a massive realisation recently and it’s been difficult but awareness is the first step I think!

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (2 children) | Copy


My wife loves church and every now and then she tries to get me to go. Last Sunday she asked me if I would go with her. I asked myself is church in my mission? Immediately I thought no that’s her mission. I told her no thanks and instead did things I wanted to do that were part of my mission.

I worked on the car, did some house work, got some studying done and relaxed. I could have lost 4 hours doing something I know I wouldn’t be happy doing. I could have complained the entire time and turned her pussy into a desert. Time is very precious. Do not waste it doing things you would rather not be doing.

[–]1AuspexAO33 points34 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was dating this cute Mormon girl who was doing her damnedest to get me into church. I told her, "I did want to talk to some of your church friends about your behavior last night." And she got beet red and started giggling. I never got invited again after that, ha ha.

[–]WesternStoic-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Consider going to church with your wife every now and then.

[–]TunedtoPerfection11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Decide now, how many chances you give a woman, for me it is 3. I will send out 3 lines for them to hook on, that's it. After that if she wants my attention she is doing all the work and probably more. When it gets to this point, unless the message is akin to "you dick my pussy tonight", I literally have to go through 5 other options before I even consider seeing her.

That's my limit on expending non responsive effort, 3.

Hit them up, try for a date, if they flake the 3rd message is usually along the lines of:

"Hey we never reconnected after meeting, had a crazy week myself what you been up to?"

No pushing for an instant reschedule, no blaming or interrogating, no making her feel bad.

No response to that and the girl is out of sight out of mind. When they do respond to that continue like the flake didn't happen and keep going. Again, no blaming, no anger, no "figuring it out", you don't even remember it happened because you had other shit to do anyway and it did not effect you one bit. Just another flaky girl in the sea of 1 million you meet every weekend. No harm(because you weren't sitting by the phone all night crying waiting for her call), no foul, that's just life sometimes you don't reconnect with people you meet.

Best part about this is every few months I will get an out of the blue text from some chick that ghosted me. Usually it's a BS excuse(I'm bad at texting, meteor hit my dog, was in the 2nd holocaust). Push right for a meet up to "reconnect", end up banging about 75% of those random text backs.

[–]CanuckinFL0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do this too. I find it keeps me motivated to look forward, and not to settle for bad behavior or behavior my monkey brain will hash into "suppressed interest".

I've been around enough to know when a girl has the interest or doesn't. There's no shame in that, girls try to be polite for the most part about putting you off.

If I don't get the message/vibe of "fuck yes" (M Manson) it's out the door I go.

[–]1AuspexAO0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ha ha, fucking dog-killing meteors.

You have a good "I don't give a shit" style. I have a feeling that's pretty successful.

[–]Atheist_Utopia5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

If only you would have posted this earlier, I wouldn’t have lost my HB7.5 due to stupidity.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup that’s why I posted. This is really beginner stuff. It was my first regular plate since swallowing trp - was kinda bound to fuck it up. Oh well. At least I learned one thing not to do in the future. Hopefully a couple other people see this and don’t make the same mistake I did.

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sleeping together a little less than once a week for 4 months when both schedules align? That sounds par for the course for a third-tier plate. I'm surprised you seem to be reframing the whole affair as a failure.

It sounds like the main problem is creeping oneitis. Check out "There's this one girl..." in the sidebar at AskTRP. Spinning multiple plates at the same time, even for one time period in your life, totally recalibrates your thirst for pussy, and your susceptibility toward giving off thirsty "beta" tells.

As a more experienced plate spinner, if the sex and camaraderie was good, I would allow her to soft next herself, stay busy with other plates, and eventually get a call that she wants to pick things back up where they left off.

The key thing about this situation was... she was coming through with the sex! If she rejects your proposed without a reschedule, or is otherwise leading you on without sex, then be a little more proactive about initiating soft nexting. In this case, it sounds like a decent 4-month run.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah oneitis was the issue for sure. My living situation is rough right now (with parents) so I’m having more difficulty cultivating abundance than I should. Started practicing outer game before I got my inner game in order. I know getting my inner game straightened out will go a long way.

In the meantime I was still getting sex from this girl, so I didn’t soft next. But in hindsight I should’ve spent more time trying to spin up other, more reliable plates. Every time I’d go out with a different girl I wouldn’t like her as much. So I reluctantly settled into a semi-oneitis relationship thinking I’d eventually get around to grabbing some better plates. Didn’t happen and my beta thirst started to show. Did a decent job of faking it but can’t keep that up forever.

That’s why I said you should voluntarily cut yourself off from a girl and work on abundance if you sense yourself catching oneitis. I knew what was happening at the time but didn’t take the necessary action. Next time.

[–]Mitch_McDeer4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

What do you mean by "mixed signals are the message"? Have not heard this one before.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy


Don’t try to rationalize her words/actions. In other words, just the other day she asked me what time I planned on doing X Monday. I assumed that meant she wanted to hang out. I told her what time I was going and to come. She said she couldn’t. Previously I would’ve tried to rationalize away that behavior. Maybe something came up. Maybe she’s on her period. Maybe this. Maybe that. Now I realize her actions are the message.

I know it seems like she wanted to hang. But turns out she didn’t. At least not that badly. That’s the take away message right there.

[–]RandyBumgardner854 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is very true. My current LTR says she doesn't want to break up and if she did she just tell me cos, you know "I'm not an idiot"

She makes zero attempts to see me and when I try to make plans (when I know she's not busy) I get, "maybe" "probably" and "I don't know" without fail.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I need to ditch her. I will. Plan is just to leave her stuff outside her house and text "This isn't working, your stuff is by the gate. Take care" Then block.

[–]TruthSeekaaaaa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I done that once and it worked pretty well. You are sending a very clear message and everything is going to be fine. You probably haven't decide yet but you'll do. Best of luck though

[–]1AuspexAO0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Yes. Yes. I get that a lot from my dumbass friends. "She didn't want to hang out with me when I was seeing her, but she sure jumps to fuck that new guy she's with." Yeah dude...she wants that guy and didn't want you. It's not fucking rocket science. If she starts getting wishy-washy tell her that she's welcome to tag along, but you're going to go out and have a shit ton of fun whether she's there or not. Outcome independence. You're not going to live forever so you should keep looking forward, having fun, and meeting new women. You don't want to die tomorrow thinking about some excuse-making plate.

[–]Endorsed Contributorex_addict_bro4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trp saving relationships. One “no” at a time

[–]SpinPlates2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I learned this when I was about 21. I had scheduled a date when I was working (bartending) so I had someone pick up my shift for me.

Her and I were going to cook at my place. Went and bought all the groceries. Started cooking and she ghosted. The dude who picked up my shift made over $300 and I sat at in my apartment eating homemade Chicken Alfredo. That was a huge turning point in my self learned TRP schooling. 6 years later and I couldn't imagine changing my plans for a first date.

[–]noobonyoutube_2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would like to add an addendum to this, and it may only affect younger guys like me, idk how the field is outside of high school, but this also applies to text/Snapchat! If you can afford to stay up till 2 AM snapchatting a girl YOU ARE BETA. I was trying to find a way to make a full post out of this but I think it’s far better as an added idea to yours, as it fits the theme.

[–]ZeonusBDO1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This hits home. It is often the most common and obvious advice that we need to take the most seriously. I am in an incredibly similar situation and made the same mistakes you did. I'm really glad to have your post to look back on from time to time, so that I don't repeat this mistake further.

Granted, some of the times I made this mistake weren't out of being thirsty for sex; but due to the whole pair-bonding garbage that I seem to be naturally prone to participating in. I have a lot of work to do man.

[–]AnthonyDLC3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You said hotter than her. Shivers down my spine.

[–]tall_bacon2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Same thing happened to me recently. Super busy girl, several jobs, traveler, impossible to organize time. The woman needs a fucking secretary.

We went out a few times and then had sex on the fourth hangout. She exhibited some controlling behavior and some shit tests (almost immediately after sex), so I dropped all communication with her unless she initiates, and when she does, I set up the time and place.

Women will always make time for the guy they want. Don’t let their busy schedules intimidate you. Hold frame and they will make the time to honor your choice of hangout and when.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah I wish I did this. That would’ve gone a long way. I knew I was breaking frame but didn’t fully buy into that concept until now. I thought the more I got her in person, I could get her to start playing on my terms because she would like me more. Wrong. Didn’t realize how self sabotaging constantly catering to her schedule was. She knew she had me whipped, which is a surefire way to kill attraction.

[–]tall_bacon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No worries. Live and learn! You’ll handle it fine next time I’m sure

[–]trp_nofap_rewire20180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is not earth shattering but a decent friendly reminder. A lot of newcomers here ponders about complex matters and scenarios while neglecting 101 theory. It’s nonsense.

Anyways, congrats for taking notice of this pattern and assuming your mistake.

It’s nice fucking a wet warm pussy but having self-respect and working on your mission is better :)

Also if she’s not making an effort to meet up with you then yeah ... next

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You made bp mistakes and you are unhappy because your bp dreams are nlt happening now. Why are you butthurt for losing a plate? Thats the real problem.

[–]solstone1090 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Only read the title and I already agree. I'll read the post when I can, I've just started to learn that its a signing of showing you want her more than she wants you when you work around her schedule or you drive to her. It needs to be the other way around if you want to be the one in "control". The one "buying" if you will

[–]BornShook0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If a girl says shes busy or something, I just say "Ah damn" and then text another plate. I dont try to figure out her schedule and work something out. But my reasoning for this is that I only have 2 days a week that I have enough free time for a date. So if one of my bitches cant chill on friday or saturday, I just say "Damn...", then I might text them the next week and ask if they want to chill until it eventually happens.

[–]cyanidez0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Needed every word of this today, thank you sir!

[–]CAPIreland0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck man, literally same situation here, but I agreed to exclusivity, and the mixed signals I get are insane (examples from the last day of chat: ''I want to spend as much time with you as possible with you when I'm back'' to ''I have a project due Monday, so can't see you until then''.) Any advice?

[–]womans_algorithm 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Always be ok with plates dropping.

You had sex one time with her, she isn't your plate, but ONS. Check sidebar "Managing your bitches" by HumanSockPuppet. Not trying to be a dick, but want you to learn proper definitions.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I didn’t have sex with her one time. We were sleeping with each other a little less than once a week for four months. But every time it would always be on her terms and I’d lap it up like a sad puppy. Not anymore.

[–]womans_algorithm-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

My bad, I didn't read your text thoughtfully.

[–]LeavingHumanityBehin 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I think if I was less thirsty for sex and refused to reschedule on her terms, she’d probably still be attracted to me.

Your face and body determines if she is attracted to you.

[–]bluefingerblue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Worst comment ever. Fucked her the night I met her and many other times. Thanks for the valuable input tho.