I don’t like ONS or Plates. What’s wrong with me? What do I do?

boundarychimps · 2018-11-28T13:51:23+00:00

Are you using the correct size condoms? Too-small condoms will cut down on feeling way more than correct-size ones.
Nothing is wrong with you. Different people prefer different lifestyles.
1. If some of the guys here are too insecure to admit that men can enjoy emotional connections, well that's their problem. Connections like that really do make sex better, and are also enjoyable on their own.
Remember that TRP is supposed to be about how to get what you want, and not about what you "should" want.
Finding someone who's good for a stable relationship is very different from finding someone who'll be fun for a fling / ONS. Most of the tactics here are meant for ONS, and can actually be harmful if you want something that will last.
1. This does not include the self-improvement ones, like lifting and dressing well.
I'd suggest finding social activities that (1) you enjoy, and (2) a lot of unattached women do. Go there to enjoy the activity and meeting new people and be attractive and friendly, and make sure you show that you want more than just sex (very different from BP / niceguy bullshit where you pretend you're not interested in sex at all).

Poutvora · 2018-11-28T14:11:04+00:00

Don't delete this in the future OP. I would like to return to it from time to time to read the replies.

red_dread_redemption · 2018-11-28T14:12:15+00:00

It's a conundrum that I find myself in as well. So, nothing is wrong with you. Quite honestly, I really enjoy a quality LTR. I've had various opportunities for short terms, but never closed, b/c I lacked true attraction/connection/wtf you want to call it (many times girls slept over only to be frustrated by lack of advances). The problem we both face, is the escalated risk when shit goes south, in this gynocentric feminine biased societal structure. And holy shit does a women lose her fucking mind when her expectations aren't met.

Sorry, no answers for you, been wondering it myself. I still miss one of my LTRs. All I can say is I'll ride out the current LTR (no cohabitation, no marriage) until the wheels fall off.

faustian_talos · 2018-11-28T13:08:21+00:00

How old are you?

sixtyearths · 2018-11-28T13:47:06+00:00

What's the value of frame/abundance if you don't enjoy it? Unless your goal is to impress the members of this forum, the only reason you should do anything is because it makes you happy and fulfilled.

There are people in this sub who will call "beta" the second they hear you want to see a girl more than once, but if those opinions don't match your experience, they're useless to you. "Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless"

trp is a methodology for getting sex, not a methodology for living a happy life.

Turkerthelurker · 2018-11-28T14:11:31+00:00

Idk about anyone else but I love the phrase "the juice aint worth the squeeze". Just sayin.

Maybe try going no sex with women while determining their LTR capacity. Also, try to meet women in more wholesome environments than bars/clubs or coffeeshops. One of my own personal favorite places to find higher quality women is Rec sports leagues/events such as triathlons, trail runs, bjj tournaments, Ultimate Frisbee leagues...much more my style and they tend to attract a healthier, more wholesome kind of person than anything in the party scene.

Ohboohoolittlegirl · 2018-11-28T14:09:15+00:00

Same here, I've spun plates, picked up girls and had lots of FWB. However, it's just not the same.. problem is that I'm no longer willing to risk a lot for an LTR and I cannot deny female nature... I stopped chasing pussy. I'll take a girl home whose obviously into me and have sex and that's it

TheRedPillMonkey · 2018-11-28T13:34:22+00:00

Should I just keep jumping from LTR to LTR knowing eventually I’ll lose frame and abundance and it will fall apart?

This is your problem. Never drop frame and never lose abundance. Especially in a LTR. It sounds like you don't know how to properly be in one or vet. A plate and a good LTR can be awesome if the chick is awesome.

SixtySecondJeep · 2018-11-28T22:44:10+00:00

Glad to see a lot of good answers here. I'm also LTR-oriented despite being RP'd and having a decent notch count.

You have no problem. Some people invest in quantity while some in quality. As someone who recently fucked up their LTR with a beautiful girl who checked all the right green flags, I only have this advice:

Keep yourself in check.

In the beginning, I followed everything TRP to a T. She followed suit perfectly. It also was just me being natural, since I naturally act pretty RP after dumping my beta conditioning. She adored me for my authenticity and the connection we had.

Over time, though, I saw what power I had and started to abuse it. It was a one-way open relationship, and I was far too careless both in who I fucked and how I told her. I also tried to restrict what she could do far too much and put too much pressure on her. While she abided, resentment built and her mental health deteriorated. A once happy, care-free, sexy-but-good girl had to go to therapy to seek counseling because I destroyed her. She also hooked up with someone else as soon as we ended because she was just absolutely shattered that I ended things with her despite what I put her through.

So, as someone who obtained what I used to call the dream TRP LTR only to then ruin it and the girl in the process (and feel terrible about myself for having done so), I say to watch yourself. Apply TRP, internalize it, let a chick hang on your every word. But do not abuse that power--it will blow up in your face.

Essentially, what it comes down to is that most people here will tell you to be Alpha in a relationship. You need to be more than just that. There's essentially two types of Alphas--an evil, dark triad Alpha, and a nice Alpha. I was far too much the former. So, I will give advice I wish I had and that's to focus on more than just being Alpha. Girls will stick like glue to either Alpha, but the dark triad Alpha will decimate their sanity. You have to be nice and caring too, for an LTR to work. I'm currently working on those traits in myself. You are a Christian, so you will certainly not openly fuck other girls in your LTR, but I am giving you the advice both because I wish I had it and for any others who may read this. An LTR goes beyond just getting a high quality chick hooked to you, which is not the problem most face--but I wish someone had warned me anyways. It also can happen in any situation. My LTR was more physically attractive than I am, so one would think this wouldn't happen. If you abuse TRP, it still can. (By abuse TRP, I mean things like overdoing 'idgaf,' 'dread,' 'boundaries,' 'pre-selection,' even 'leadership,' etc. I basically took a HB4 plate, trained her in the gym to be a HB8, showed I could get real HB8s, showed I had high social value and am seriously talented enough at several things to potentially warrant future fame, set many boundaries enforced by ruthless dread such as just fucking hot chicks, showed pre-selection by the amount of dudes irl who ask me how I get the chicks I do despite looking pretty average, was fun to be around with top-notch humor and wit, and was bi-polar as fuck and often insulted her. All this resulted in her seeing me as invaluable to her life, clearly leagues ahead of what she deserved as a former chubby girl, and a capable leader who could steer us both in the right direction. On the flip side, she basically constantly feared losing me and it quite literally drove her to insanity. There's both good and bad to be taken from this, and no, I'm not proud, so learn from my mistakes.)

BusterVadge · 2018-11-28T13:53:09+00:00

There's nothing wrong with preferring LTR to Plate/ONS. There's a certain level of closeness that can't be had unless you're in a LTR.

I do find pleasure in LTRs and longer term plates that I’m investing in a bit more than usual and vetting for LTR basically. However, there’s inherently problems with this due to the lack of abundance and all of the other usual problems that come with LTRs.

Why can't you be in a LTR and still have abundance? Flirt with other women, just don't sleep with them. Abundance doesn't always have to mean sleeping with other women, it can simply mean that if your LTR ends you have your pick.

That's exactly what happened with me. My LTR ended, and I got to sleep with a few girls I was gaming during my LTR. It took some of the sting off of the break up.

Flintblood · 2018-11-28T15:04:01+00:00

I’m with you. I have about half a dozen potential tinder matches who want to have long text sessions (i’m really trying to keep it to just logistics, but they want to have long chatty text sessions). However, I’m finding myself increasingly disenchanted. There is something kind of depressing about the dating app method, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

I would prefer to focus on one person at a time, and someone I get to know through work, or through a common interest. I still feel some of the longings for an LTR or oneitis from when I used to live exclusively from the blue pill mindset.

muddynips · 2018-11-28T17:47:09+00:00

Masturbate less. Fishing is better when you're hungry.

Musicgoon · 2018-11-28T17:53:13+00:00

There's no hard rules for how you live your life. You can always upgrade a plate to a FWB. Or if you vet her better a LTR. It can change constantly and how far you go depends on your own rules.

From reading more it sounds like you haven't connected on a more personal level with women. It will drain you mentally. I've said it before.... Don't be all cock and no heart. You have to have passion or this shit becomes utility. Terry taking some chicks out on dates doing stuff that YOU want to do.

Just remember to control the frame. Now if things progress to LTR status. (I would recommend open LTR) make sure you keep control of the two major pitfalls. Don't cohabitate, you will lose all of your power and don't knock her up. Another losing venture and loss of power.

I think condom sex sucks. I went to the doc and got snipped. Most STI's are curable and you can always get on TRUVADA if you're worried about the big bad one...

At the end of the day, it's your life and your happiness. If you're nit happy make some adjustments. You've got this. Pilot your ship!

z2a1-9 · 2018-11-28T17:56:03+00:00

Do you bro!

deltron80 · 2018-11-28T20:22:35+00:00

Sounds like you're K-selected, which is actually better than being r-selected. Try finding a conservative girl and make some babies.

downvotesanimals · 2018-11-28T20:44:17+00:00

Unlike some of the folks here, I don't think the crux of your issue is condom usage... or at least, that's not what I'll focus on.

I've had moments where hookups get boring as well... just going through the motions (no pun intended). Banging lots of randos is nice from time to time, but certainly gets boring and... well... time spent with a higher quality woman is time better spent than with whichever local pub skank happens to want to fuck you at the moment.

Use this to your advantage. Most guys are obsessed with how much they hook up. You're in a better position if you don't care. Focus on yourself and wait for the quality chicks to come around.

Eldudearino89 · 2018-11-28T15:08:09+00:00

Im going to go against the grain here. Taking it a bit further than just flirting. Why not if you have a plate that you've been seeing for a while 6+ months plus bump her up to a meaningful love filled relationship while continuing to see someone on the side. (I.E. Open Relationship) That way you don't lose your abundance mentality, or the frame you're worried about. There are women out there that you can do this with. That way if/when it ends you're a step ahead. Just a suggestion. May your decision come peacefully to you.

CainPrice · 2018-11-28T14:57:46+00:00

It sounds like your problem is that you're not connecting with your plates. Maybe you're not letting yourself.

Sex isn't just friction. If it were, you could just use your hand and avoid dealing with women altogether and it would be just as good.

Sex is about connecting with another person. It's about the involvement of another human. That's what makes it good, and not just friction. If you're just picking up girls, without really knowing or connecting with them or appreciating what they're like as humans in any way, primarily just to enjoy the sense of power and validation and the friction on your penis, you're missing the point of sex. You're supposed to like the people you have sex with.

I'm not saying you have to be madly in love, deeply emotionally involved, or on the path to marriage with a woman. You just have to connect a little. Let yourself actually know the woman, like her, appreciate things about her. Really notice and enjoy things about her, specifically, that make her who she is. Connect. You don't have to fall in love. You don't have to have a relationship if you don't want one. But you should be meeting people you like and choosing them for sex because you like them, and enjoying what makes them likeable and fun.

ThreeEyez · 2018-11-28T18:29:16+00:00

Hey man absolutely nothing wrong with that. LTR’s are awesome and can be more fulfilling if done right. All I can say is make sure you’re fucking solid as a man and a human being before you enter a LTR. Basically what I mean is actively keep your shit together, keep your insecurities and negative thoughts in check, and fuck her good. Another big thing is don’t sell yourself short when it comes to picking the right girl for a relationship. Make sure she’s worth it. It’s a big investment! Date around, enjoy life, have fun, and the right girl who’s on the same wavelength as you will come around.

[deleted] · 2018-11-29T01:54:57+00:00

Don't have one night stands or plates. Cultivate long-term FWBs and LTRs. Just learn how to manage them better.

[deleted] · 2018-11-29T04:53:06+00:00

Spinning plates is a tool to keep an abundance mindset. If you're able to hold that when dating one girl then you don't need to spin plates. The problem that a lot of guys have is they catch oneitis and overlook the red flags they would have seen if they were seeing multiple women.

Spinning plates isn't necessary. It's also not wrong to seek and LTR. The end goal of most of us is an LTR. Just recognize the red flags and stay in your frame.

[deleted] · 2018-11-29T14:08:53+00:00

Do whatever feels right to you.

icarebot · 2018-11-28T19:51:00+00:00

I'm the same way too, and there's nothing wrong with that. Plates can be fun and all, but I have the most sociosexual fun when I'm in some form of a relationship. It may be an LTR, may be an MLTR, may be an OLTR. The point is to have fun and do what you want. A lot of the advice on asktrp and on the main sub can be geared towards ONS/Plates and Tinder game/night game. I find myself most comfortable running day game, and attracting and being with more substantial women, even if they're one peg hotter sometimes. An 8 I enjoy being with is, ceteris paribus, better than a 9 I don't, and a 10 who I don't care about. I would recommend checking out blackdragon's blog, a reliable source for guys like you and me, that a lot of Red pill theory comes out of and is well applied.

One thing though that I feel others aren't mentioning. Ask yourself why you prefer LTRs over ONS/Plates. There is no right answer except the right answer for you, but it would be valuable for you to understand why. For example, in my case I found it to be because of incorrect bluepill pre-conceived notions I had about myself and my masculinity and an aspect of unresolved emotions related to my emotional security. I was using LTRs as a way to justify to myself that I was in an emotionally secure and happy place, as many blue pill and some red pill men may still do. So make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Women, whether ONS, Plates or LTRs, are only ever along for the ride, they are not the ride, you're the main attraction and the prize, it was only your turn and having an LTR, and women in general, will not make you happy, you are responsible for your own personal happiness. As long as you're clear with these important mental paradigms and clear and have good reasons on why you prefer LTRs, use the tools red pill gives you to go after what you want, and not an idea of what you should want. The latter destroys the soul faster than anything.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2018-11-28T19:50:35+00:00

You have not tried either enough to judge.

Internet-Troll · 2018-11-29T06:34:24+00:00

Are you a guy or girl? What do you mean the power is in their hand when you guys don't use condoms?

I thought you have the power because in or out it up to you?

phareux · 2018-11-28T18:37:00+00:00

Maybe u like men

Prysefighter · 2018-11-28T19:57:14+00:00

You're gay