Why do our mothers lie to us and tell us the exact opposite of what women really want?

fnordsnord · 2018-03-08T15:38:26+00:00

They not lying. What the don't understand about themselves is that while the DO want those things, they want them from a man THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO. They don't find those things attractive.

And they don't get that about themselves.

JourneyofDoves · 2018-03-08T03:09:39+00:00

It's the same reason why their children are the best at what they do no matter how removed from reality it is. This is actually a good thing for rearing very young children, but it's a bad thing for turning boys into men.

Women want their children to be innocent, and to not know the sheer brutality of this world, this is a good trait for rearing very young children, but it's a terrible trait for turning teenage boys into men.

But that's why Father/Mother compliment each other so well. Mother has a thing that everyone needs when they are extremely young and useless -- unconditional love. Children are SHIT AT EVERYTHING that they do, and they shit themselves on top of that, so women need to be somewhat removed from reality in order to nurture the things that children like to do.

I mean, it would do civilization no good if everyone looked at a 5 year old childs shitty drawing and straight up mocked the child for their awful attempt at art. Women being able to gasp and say "this is amazing" cultivates confidence in very young children.

Basically you are her child, no matter how 'grown up' you are.

anonswede · 2018-03-08T08:51:35+00:00

Remembering my first teenage girlfriend, we were both shy as hell. When my mom found out I had a girlfriend, her first reaction was "don't pressure her to do something she doesn't want". That sentence fucked me up for years. Never got any further than hugging with my girlfriend, told myself she was equally as shy.

After I broke up with her she called a few months later to let me know she lost her virginity with some other dude.

RunawayGrain · 2018-03-08T02:02:17+00:00

Because mom had a thing for Chad, and invariably Chad pissed her off / hurt her. So she doesn't want her boy to be like Chad. Even though she would still unquestioningly prefer Chad herself.

chazthundergut · 2018-03-08T05:08:36+00:00

They don't mean to lie about it.

Most chicks are completely clueless about what they actually want, or what drives their sexual desire.

cdogg75 · 2018-03-08T03:32:58+00:00

It’s not just what our mothers told us that made us this way. It’s life, it’s the world we live. Don’t resent your mother when she had good intentions.

Instead just resent life and then deal with it. You can’t choose your parents or how you were raised

mortalcoil1 · 2018-03-08T07:46:05+00:00

Read the side bar. Hamsters, cognitive dissonance. Women can't accept the things they actually want because it would make them "worse people," and that would destroy their universe.

[deleted] · 2018-03-08T08:12:54+00:00

Most people dont know what the fuck they are doing or why. Your mom wasnt a liar most likely. She was just a person who was likely clueless.

Benny757 · 2018-03-08T12:19:31+00:00

Here’s why. Because they want you to always be “their little boy.” It’s a control thing. They want you devoted to them. To be a true man, you must point yourself away from the womb. That’s where a father comes in. That’s his natural job to get his son pointed in the right direction. Unfortunately, the family climate of western men today is fucked, boys. And so you see the precise answer to OPs question.

[deleted] · 2018-03-08T14:06:31+00:00

My mom told me not to make women cry because that’s what all the men in her life did. Every guy she brought home was a dirt bag. She turns down doctors, successful businessmen or anyone in general who is successful because guys who ride Harley’s don’t give a shit about her and that’s why she goes for them. It’s so fucked up but women are slaves to their emotions. They’re attracted to instability and emotional roller coasters but when questioned they will adamantly deny it. That’s why it’s important for us men to be stoic because making decisions based on emotions is a recipe for disaster.

NJA4242 · 2018-03-08T15:05:11+00:00

"Just be yourself" is correct though. I've heard the chad hurting her a million times and in a lot of cases there probably is truth to it.

The theory I work from is that your mother never had the journey. Women are just themselves, they're allowed to be overly emotional and work based on how they feel in that moment. They are very in tune with gut instincts (woman's intuition)

From a male perspective you are yourself and lean that that doesn't work. Then you grow and are your new self and so on until you just DGAF. What is a mission someone could have? Climbing Everest or their mission could be to be the best knitter and run a successful business. It doesn't matter if you're into mountaineering or knitting you do it for you.

tslextslex · 2018-03-08T16:16:57+00:00

Because AWALT. Even your mom.

Nothing nefarious in it. It's just that AWALT.

Icepickthegod · 2018-03-08T06:25:54+00:00

to give us hope/to bluepill us.

mushroom_overlord · 2018-03-08T07:59:35+00:00

they are truly delusional about themselves, and have no idea how they or other's think.

Kempiet · 2018-03-08T08:21:10+00:00

They tell their daughters. One day you’ll meet a great man and have children, their life focuses around the point of finding someone they’re raising kids with and the guy just takes care of the rest. Never mind about being a provider themselves or standing on their own two feet. Naturally they get with the most arrogant dick heads or beta providers that don’t match up with every aspect of the false fairytale hero personality they’re looking for.

jm51 · 2018-03-08T14:15:48+00:00

It's not a lie if they believe it.

AWLT_3487 · 2018-03-08T14:24:37+00:00

Very interesting. I grew up a black guy in a mostly white neighborhood and my mom's talk was basically "don't have sex with girls other than black ones because non-black girls can always scream rape and no one will believe you". Also - - "wear a condom". But she didn't teach me anything about hypergamy at all.

Which brings up an interesting point about the older women in our family teaching us. I have an older sister and I know for sure she knows the game, but she didn't really educate me either.

MattyAnon · 2018-03-08T14:50:48+00:00

or they are truly delusional about themselves, and have no idea how they or other's think. Either that or it's some conspiracy,

It's a soft conspiracy. Women use the same words, men use the same words, but women mean them differently. Women communicate in a way in which women understand and men misinterpret.

So why is it that our mothers tell us basically the exact opposite of what women want?

Female instinct is always to either fuck men or beta them. As your mother doesn't want to fuck you (probably), her instinct is "make him a beta". She applies this the same to all men she doesn't want to fuck: betas, husband, providers, government, family.

It's a glitch in the female reproductive strategy - the misleading of male children. This goes against her (long term) genetic best interests, but the instinct to beta all men prevails (in the same way that short term instincts [stuff food into mouth] usually prevail over long term ones [look slim])... this maximises her genetic returns by eliciting maximum male support in the short term. Women who have a "men should be fucked and not exploited" strategy do less well than women who try to beta everything in sight with a penis.

For the most part, women are not able to see a completely different set of rules when applied to their sons. There are exceptions, but for the most part they just can't see past their "betafy all men" instincts.

"Just be yourself" "You'll find the right one" "The right girl is out there for you"

She doesn't know any better. She's a victim of BP/Disney thinking just as you are, except it worked for her and it works against you. Like a child can say "the government should pay for everything", a woman can say "just be yourself". After all, it's what she did and it worked just fine. Solipsism means she just can't see past the female experience to the male. No ability, no interest in doing so. She is not able to see or articulate the benefit of you being selfish, because it goes so far against her "men should provide for me/women" instincts.

Joehogans · 2018-03-08T14:58:18+00:00

My buddy’s mom gives him advice on how to see thru women’s bullshit to this day. She’s the only mother I’ve ever seen tell her son the truth about the women in his life, the ones that aren’t worth having around, and how to finesse the rest.

Thizzlebot · 2018-03-08T08:01:49+00:00

Women aren't logical.

Ambiguousdude · 2018-03-08T11:22:34+00:00

Be yourself means be confident in who you are and what you want. It doesn't mean 'if you're scared to do anything that's fine'

linkster396 · 2018-03-08T14:01:32+00:00

Damn, a lot of angry answers here. What I believe is that what they say comes from a place of real love (hopefully). They think that since they can wholeheartedly love their baby boy as he is, anyone else can as well. So if he just be's himself, he'll find the right girl. Now obviously this doesn't work, but it's important to note that mothers don't say this with malicious intent.

Irishminer93 · 2018-03-08T15:55:35+00:00

A very good question. There are three main things at play here, one of which you've already covered (women don't really know what they want). The second would be that mothers have a tendency to think their sons will grow up to be perfect. The third being the fact that people have a selective memory, basically they remember what they want to remember. While it could have been your father acting like a complete asshole that got your mother attention, she will remember the good things when she thinks back on what attracted her to him. Memory is weird like that. It's one of the reasons we tell people to judge people by their actions, not their words. There may even be more to it then that but at that point you get into very specific situations. Regardless, keep to the sidebar, read posts on /r/TheRedPill and continue asking questions here on /r/asktrp.

4angrydragons · 2018-03-08T16:56:15+00:00

Being yourself is fine. I learned the hard way that sacrificing a part of who I am to obtain a relationship is garbage.

The lying part comes from being told “just be nice to the girls” and “be a gentleman”. Ugh, way to create mr. Nice Guy

kemchik · 2018-03-09T01:48:04+00:00

Because it's like asking your mom: how to make money?

They'll only tell you what they know safe for you which is shitty general advice

jimmyboy111 · 2018-03-12T06:31:23+00:00

You need to understand your mother is in a different stage of her life and was not always that way .. women's taste in men change over time .. the older they get the more they will prefer beta soy boys .. it will shift from dangerous exciting men to rich and stable men who own a nice house .. of course each woman is different so this is just on average

.. hence "be courteous" "wait your turn" "open the door" and all the chivalry white knight hogwash you hear from mama san

Joehogans · 2018-03-18T10:55:47+00:00

My father has been out with me in public and noticed the attention I would get from girls. He said this to my mother and instead of being proud of her son or happy for me, she tells him that "he shouldn't be filling my head with that kind of crap" and that I'll end up like his cousin (a guy with an Ncount in the 100s who is basically a gigolo and spends his life living off the money of attractive middle aged women)

Then she went on to say :

He's too arrogant with women, he'll think there's no woman good enough for him, women won't take the way he behaves, he should learn how to cook and how to wash his own clothes, women today aren't the same as they were before.

It's like she actively doesn't want me to know that I have options, that I'm attractive to girls, that I should be of the mentality that I'm lucky to have the opportunity to go out with a girl, instead of believing they are lucky to go out with me.

This is from a woman who starts work at 9.30am and finishes at 1pm, at a cushy job where she spends her time chatting with her female coworkers. Our house is a mess, never cleaned properly, her dinners are pretty much exclusively terrible, she has zero responsibility at home while my father works himself to the bone and comes home to have her nag at him all evening, complain that he doesn't help out at home, he doesn't even bother get a dinner at home anymore most of the time, she also sleeps in a separate room now.

I'll be honest, I have zero time or respect for my mother as a person. She is lazy, selfish, spiteful, resentful and full of anger. I feel shitty for my dad having to put up with her.

It's zero surprise I was a loser until I was 19 with that kind of negative toxic shit around me all the time. She never praised me or encouraged me when I did well in school, never comforted me when I was sad or upset, she basically hasn't done one fucking thing that a mother is meant to do when raising a child.

TheRedKeepx · 2018-03-08T02:26:09+00:00

Because she never wants to share her little boy...so gross!