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So I (20m) have been matching and talking to women (christian/non-christian) through online dating. The majority have been great and some have turned into plates. However when the questions of faith come up (for the Christians I talk to) all of them so far have very liberal BP views (equality etc... the usual liberal stuff) which is fed to them by secular society and modern church groups. It’s probably a lost cause trying to change their views to RP, as my focus is my life plan and mission anyway. I’m thinking that this might just be isolated to online dating.

How do I go about finding someone with views more inline with RP? Are they really that difficult to come across for young RP men like me? Or am I looking in the wrong places?


[–]Deep_Strength10 points11 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

The majority have been great and some have turned into plates.

You're having sex with them? If yes then stop and repent.

However when the questions of faith come up (for the Christians I talk to) all of them so far have very liberal BP views (equality etc... the usual liberal stuff) which is fed to them by secular society and modern church groups. It’s probably a lost cause trying to change their views to RP, as my focus is my life plan and mission anyway.

That's exactly what you should try to do. Those who are worth continuing a relationship with are those who can admit they are wrong and change their behavior accordingly, much like Christians do when we sin and repent.

Ephesians 5 is about Christ's sacrificial love to sanctify the Church, which husbands should emulate with their wives. A husband must help sanctify his wife which means getting her onboard with correct Christian stances and to be less polluted by the world.

How do I go about finding someone with views more inline with RP? Are they really that difficult to come across for young RP men like me? Or am I looking in the wrong places?

Churches are generally a better place than online from what I've seen in person, but you're never going to meet any type of woman who is totally perfect in every way. You still need to teach her in various aspects.

[–]operationveritas[S] 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

No sex sir.

Thanks for the insight. But is it worth continuing with someone who is so deep in the collective liberal ideology? I understand that husbands are responsible for leading/helping their wives to sanctification but is there a line?

[–]ENTPunisher16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Attaboy, keep spinning those Christian plates champ. Invite them over for Bible study, start at Genesis, and escalate to Revelations.

[–]operationveritas[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This made my day 🤣

[–]ENTPunisher11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nebakanezer and chill 👌

[–]Deep_Strength2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

But is it worth continuing with someone who is so deep in the collective liberal ideology?

Why wouldn't it be, if they are responding to the gospel? (and not social justice).

Christians are to help each other onto the right path when they are in error.

It it's bad soil and they're not responding then maybe it's not worth your time.

[–]operationveritas[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree, is it a case of drip feeding the information over time to see what the response is? Eg. Tackle topics in casual conversation.

Maybe I’m reading into this too much.

P.s I just bought your book 👌🏽

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I like to lead off topics like this

  • "I was recently reading an article online (or book) that had some interesting analysis about [topic]. They asserted [insert controversial topic here]. I admit they had some compelling arguments. What do you think?"

  • "I was studying the Scripture and came across [topic]. I dug into the commentaries and it looks like this was interpreted a certain way until now, but it seems like recently the Church has changed on the stance and maybe went the way of culture. Have you heard of this before?"

  • Or just talk about family and church upbringing and see how it has affected their views and such.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As you plant that seed, start to look for a harvest. Give it a reasonable amount of time. Some ground is just too hard to do anything with - in that case move on to a different field, plant some seed and see what grows. But at some point there MUST be growth or you're wasting your time. The best way to tell is to observe her day-to-day actions as you spend time with her.

  • Does she read her Bible?

  • Is she becoming active in church?

  • Does she talk about Christ?

  • Does she evangelize? (DO YOU?)

  • Does she generally hold to biblical ideals, and is she actively seeking them out for herself?

  • If she is in error on biblical matters, is she willing to accept correction, then repent and change?

  • Are her speech and actions consistent with what a Christian should be, or is she at least moving in that direction?

  • When she does something sinful, does she go to God in true repentance?

There are many other things, but you get the idea. As you spend time with her she should begin to live a life that is different from those around her who are not Christians. That difference should be noticeable and sustained for as long as it takes for you to be sure.

[–]IsAllThisReal6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't see any point in 'spinning plates' as a christian. After a few dates you should be be fairly confident if they are worth spending any time and effort on. Most women have very stupid political and social opinions informed by the company they keep and given very little thought, except how to make those opinions blend into their social circle. So if you inject a strong opinion into their circle, there is a good chance you can influence them. Some women will respond and others will not.

My political and social opinions are pretty extreme. What I've found the most common response to be is the girl will wildly rationalize my opinions to make themselves feel like they are compatible with their own social circle. The more attracted they are to you, the more they will do this. So even when you are telling them flat-out "I think abortion is evil, and those who support and participate in it are a manifestation of the concept of metaphysical evil", they will twist that to mean "Oh he just doesn't like late-term abortion" or "he still support's women's right to choose, but not for all reasons".

When this is the case, it is very difficult to change their opinions, because 5 minutes later they will rationalize away anything in your opinion they deem unacceptable. Additionally, the more time they spend with friends, family, and co-workers who have retarded opinions, the less likely it is that you will be able direct or persuade her.

Men do something similar with women: the hotter they are, the worse the BS we will swallow, and rationalize away. This behavior is just complete weakness of character for both men and women.

[–]operationveritas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I totally see where you’re coming from with this. And yes, to some degree I have experienced that same thing about influence. The trick I guess is distinguishing whether they are doing it simply because they are attracted to you or because they genuinely hold those opinions or similar.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Find older eldrly women in the church, see what young girls they're discipling. Also don't go to modern churches, you will find nothing by egalitarianism there.

[–]agoodcrayon5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’ve never been nor heard of a church where young women are discipled by older women.

I’ve never even been to a church where men were discipled by older men and I live in the Bible Belt.

People are growing out of touch.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

For me it's never this formal thing where I meet with the older women in my church for weekly Bible study, but through the time at my church I've befriended them and they can speak to me through whatever life circumstance I'm going through at the time. See what young women are talking and befriending the older women at church.

[–]Billy_King1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

As a 20m, I don’t plan on doing online dating until I’m at least 24. There’s too many attractive Christian girls at college and in my communities for me to consider online dating, at least right now.

I don’t think you’re wrong for trying online dating, but do you have communities with Christian women your age? What reasons did you have for starting online dating?

[–]operationveritas[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

There are some and probably there are more out there, but obviously corona limits that somewhat as everywhere is closed here (UK). So I switched to online for some practice and to see if anything came from them.

[–]Billy_King1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I get what you mean about dating during covid. Honestly I’m not interested in dating this summer. I think it’s important to spend time together when you’re getting to know someone and I feel like you wouldn’t get to know someone well during this time. Also it could be pretty easy to create expectations about the person or a relationship with the person that aren’t necessarily accurate.

[–]operationveritas[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I mean I’ve been FaceTime-ing these people every now and then but this period for me is more about practice and generally getting back into the game a bit after a breakup (see OYS history) to be honest. So I’m not holding anything out for serious things at the moment.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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