How would you remedy self hatred?

UpTanks · 2020-06-04T05:41:51+00:00

I've actually been going to a Psychologist for Anxiety for a few weeks now. In our first session it only took about 10 minutes for the Psych to figure out that it mostly stems from perfectionism and a subsequent low self-esteem.

Here's what helped me the most:

I'm much more forgiving in how I view other people I look up to. They're not perfect but I look at certain guys like they've got everything together: job, girlfriend etc. When I see them swear, watch porn or drink heaps of beers sometimes. I forgive them for those minor shortcomings and focus on the overall great blokes that they are.

The Psychologist blew my mind when she said: "Why don't you view yourself like that?"

We Christians tend to have a laser-like focus on our sin and weaknesses. While ignoring the other 90% of who we are that is awesome. This is what creates self-hatred.

Once I gave myself more leeway or 'slack in the rope', it freed me so much. And guess what? I still lift, read the word and strive for excellence. But now it's just so much more healthier because when I fail: I forgive myself and focus on the good in me.

I think this is what Jesus was referring to with: "My burden is light". I feel light in my chest, I feel alive. Heh, perhaps I feel alive in Christ.

If you excised my brain and replaced my personality with a computer program, you would have a wildly successful individual.

Orlando, the best that we can be is human. We are not robots. And we sure as hell aren't gods!

You need to accept who you are. All of it. Failures, weaknesses, flaws or whatever you want to call them. u/rocknrollchuck once said to me that: it's actually our weaknesses that other people connect with the most. (You also need to realize that God loves you (in a fatherly way) regardless of your weaknesses: Romans 5:8).

NMMNG goes into this explicitly. Not being a Nice Guy TM is not about becoming the perfect Chad. It's about drawing out who you are, being authentic and not being afraid of what other people might think or feel because of it.

Awakening the alpha within is not imitating someone else's skin/life path/game. This is a cliche, but it actually is simply accepting and being yourself without apology. Those who are truly congruent are the most powerful and attractive people in the world.

Deep_Strength · 2020-06-05T03:06:46+00:00

Paul has a similar thought pattern in Romans

Romans 7:14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

It's important to understand this is not something we can do ourselves. No amount of self discipline will fix anything.

The only thing that helps to take off the old nature and put on the new nature: Asking the Holy Spirit (helper and comforter) in our weakest movements to flee temptation and do other things that help us grow in our Christian walk.

Willow-girl · 2020-06-04T04:10:32+00:00

Do the next right thing.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

AlexeiFKaramazov · 2020-06-04T22:14:24+00:00

I've been in that same place, dealing with self-hatred. This passage helped me a lot (The Brothers Karamazov):

"Above all, avoid falsehood, every kind of falsehood, especially falseness to yourself. Watch over your own deceitfulness and look into it every hour, every minute. Avoid being scornful, both to others and to yourself. What seems to you bad within you will grow purer from the very fact of your observing it in yourself. Avoid fear, too, though fear is only the consequence of every sort of falsehood. Never be frightened at your own faint-heartedness in attaining love. Don't be frightened overmuch even at your evil actions. I am sorry I can say nothing more consoling to you, for love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labor and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting farther from your goal instead of nearer to it—at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding you."

I have three encouragements for you in light of this passage:

You are right to not want tactics that are self-delusional. Strive to identify every single lie you tell yourself. I'd suggest how I did this, and take this to the extreme: calculate every single lie you've told yourself, why you believe it, and why that failed for you. Take your inner self-critic and totally exhaust him with these calculations. As you say, replace your brain with that computer and see it all the way through. Make an end of him. Once completely exhausted, you will find that you no longer need this inner-critic; he has done his job in full.
Only once you let him die can God take his place. I think that's the meaning of faith. You know well that you are thoroughly unregenerate. So let yourself die! This is the only way to be born again. Every moment you avoid doing so, you will only be living "skin deep," as you say.
Like the author says, I don't really have any consolation for you either. I think active love is the only way to be convinced that faith is real. As with your self-critic, make an effort to pursue active love of your neighbor as yourself in an exhaustive way. If you do this with all your strength, soul, and might, then there will be no more space for self-hatred, which was taking away these things from you!

ENTPunisher · 2020-06-04T05:56:37+00:00

Self hatred is a symptom of the sin of pride. When you think you're better than everyone else, you get discouraged when you find out otherwise.

agoodcrayon · 2020-06-04T20:39:08+00:00

You don’t love yourself because you are comparing yourself to those you perceive as cooler or better than you.

Stop looking at the other dogs plate and start looking at your own.

You’re not attractive? Fix that.

You don’t make enough money? Fix that.

You don’t get girls? Fix that.

You don’t like your personality? Fix that.

You’re unaware of your own strengths and also unaware of what God thinks of you and how much you matter to Him. You are his creation. Adopt a standard of excellence that God would approve of.

“It is a disgrace to grow old through sheer carelessness before seeing what manner of man you may become by developing your bodily strength and beauty to their highest limit." -Socrates