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The Five Stages Of Cougar Grief

CH
August 5, 2008

Denial

“I’ve still got it, baby!”
“I’ve never looked or felt better.”
“These are the best years of my life.”
“30 is the new 20!” [editor’s note: actually, in woman years, 30 is the new 40]
“My sex drive is higher.”
“I will age gracefully.”
“I’ve really grown into my skin.”

Anger

“No self-respecting man dates some 20 year old floozy.”
“Men who date younger women can’t date women their own age.” [editor’s note: replace can’t with won’t]
“It’s the patriarchal misogynistic culture that devalues older women.”
“Who needs them!”
“Pigs!”

Bargaining

“Once I apply this new tangerine-emu oil antioxidant exfoliating facial cream predigested and squeezed through the anus of a bird of paradise, I’ll look ten years younger.”
“I’ve got a great personality.” [editor’s note: no, you don’t]

Depression

“Wow, I guess it’s all over. I’ll never find a man now.”
“It’s just me and you, Fluffy. Come here, mommy needs a kitty cuddle.”

Acceptance

“Maybe settling isn’t so bad. That homeless guy outside Whole Foods has nice hair.”

***

I suppose I should feel guilty for robbing so many single older women of exciting and fulfilling dating lives and leaving them stranded in favor of dating younger women, but then I squeeze that supple flesh and smell that enticing natural aroma and I remember why I don’t.

You will too.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Heartiste.

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Post Information
Title The Five Stages Of Cougar Grief
Author CH
Date August 5, 2008 7:18 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Blog Heartiste
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Heartiste/the-five-stages-of-cougar-grief.11840
https://theredarchive.com/blog/11840
Original Link https://heartiste.org/2008/08/05/the-five-stages-of-cougar-grief/
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