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Are relationships improved more by how we support people in bad times or good times?

Eric Barker
April 3, 2012

Good times.

Via The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work:

We all know that an important part of maintaining a social bond is being there, both physically and emotionally, when someone is in need. But an interesting new body of research suggests that how we support people during good times, more than bad times, affects the quality of a relationship. Sharing upbeat news with someone is called âcapitalization,â and it helps multiply the benefits of the positive event as well as strengthen the bond between the two people involved. The key to gaining these benefits is how you respond to someoneâs good news.

Shelly Gable, a leading psychologist at the University of California, has found that there are four different types of responses we can give to someoneâs good news, and only one of them contributes positively to the relationship. The winning response is both active and constructive; it offers enthusiastic support, as well as specific comments and follow-up questions. (âThatâs wonderful! Iâm glad your boss noticed how hard youâve been working. When does your promotion go into effect?â) Interestingly, her research shows passive responses to good news (âThatâs nice.â) can be just as harmful to the relationship as blatantly negative ones (âYou got the promotion? Iâm surprised they didnât give it to Sally, she seems more suited to the job.â) Ouch. Perhaps the most destructive, though, is ignoring the news entirely. (âHave you seen my keys?â) Gableâs studies have shown that active-constructive responding enhances relationship commitment and satisfaction, and fuels the degree to which people feel understood, validated, and cared for during a discussionâall of which contribute to the Happiness Advantage.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog bakadesuyo.

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Post Information
Title Are relationships improved more by how we support people in bad times or good times?
Author Eric Barker
Date April 3, 2012 5:29 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Blog bakadesuyo
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/bakadesuyo/are-relationships-improved-more-by-how-we-support.14445
https://theredarchive.com/blog/14445
Original Link https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/are-relationships-improved-more-by-how-we-sup/
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