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The Story Of The American Bachelor

Winston Smith
March 18, 2014

An American feminist waited impatiently at her boyfriend’s apartment for him to take her out to their weekly expensive dinner. The boyfriend’s roommate, a single twenty-something man who shared the modest two-bedroom apartment, was hosting a poker game in the living room. As she watched the five friends lounging around the table, smoking cigars and laughing about women, the feminist realized that in all of her trips to the apartment, she could not recall ever seeing the roommate working. She interrupted a hand to ask the roommate how he was able to lead a life of such leisure.

“I started an internet business that pays the bills, so I only need to work a couple hours a day.” The feminist asked why he didn’t work harder to make more money. “I make enough to support my needs. Why do I need to do any more?”

“But,” the feminist wondered aloud, “what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“Well, that’s easy,” the man replied. “I enjoy my spot in the middle of the city, lift weights, read books, go out with my friends, and have flings with girls. I have a full and busy life.”

The feminist scoffed. “It sounds to me like you’re one of these lonely man-boys I’ve read about. I think what you really need is a woman to show you the true meaning of life. I’m a lawyer and I have plenty of strong, independent, attractive friends who you would be lucky to date.”

“Is that so?” The man said with a tinge of a smirk across his face.

“Yes,” she continued. “With my help you could get a girlfriend and start to build a life with someone. She would have a high-paying career, so you could afford to move into a fancy place and actually buy some nice things for a change. She’ll be very sexually experienced and know exactly what she wants, so you know you’re special because she chose you out of all the men she’s been with. Eventually, if you’re good enough to her, you can get married and move to an even bigger house outside of the city. You’ll have children together and take great pride in providing for your wife and family.”

The man asked, “But how long will this all take?”

“Oh, about 20-25 years.” The feminist replied.

“But what then?” asked the man.

“Well,” the feminist began, “since men make a lot of marriages end in divorce, it might not last forever. But even if you get divorced and your wife gets to keep the kids, you’ll at least have the satisfaction that you’ve built something long-lasting and made a man of yourself.”

“So then what?” the man asked glibly.

The feminist hesitated.

“Oh, I know,” the man said. “I’ve read about this on the internet. It means I’ll have the freedom to get my own apartment in the city, lift weights, read books, go out with my friends, and have flings with girls.”

The feminist stared in angry silence while the man returned to his poker game.

Read Next: Don’t Be Ashamed For Being A Bachelor


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Post Information
Title The Story Of The American Bachelor
Author Winston Smith
Date March 18, 2014 8:00 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Blog Return of Kings
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Return-of-Kings/the-story-of-the-american-bachelor.21684
https://theredarchive.com/blog/21684
Original Link https://www.returnofkings.com/30782/the-story-of-the-american-bachelor
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