Two Desires: Sexual Variety or Sexual Newness

What if I told you that sexual variety could mean one of two very different things? Thereâs a lot of confusion about this. Understanding the difference between these two things will clear up a lot of problems you have in your relationships with women and in terms of your own mental clarity regarding what you want (and perhaps, what you donât want).

As Iâve been saying for over a decade here, all men need sexual variety. Itâs the way we are designed at a core biological level. Thatâs one of the many reasons why long-term sexual monogamy doesnât work. Once NRE dies down, men hate being monogamous regardless of how amazing their girlfriend or wife is. (Women hate it too, but womenâs hatred for long-term sexual monogamy manifests in very different ways and is beyond the scope of this article.)

So, if youâre complaining you need sexual variety and you have a penis, congratulations! Youâre normal. Indeed, you would be the oddball exception to the rule if you didnât need any sexual variety at all.

However, there is another condition that is often mistaken for the need for sexual variety, and that is the need for sexual newness. I will define both of them and show you that they are, in fact, two completely different things. 

Sexual Variety 

Sexual variety is the need for having multiple sexual partners over a prolonged period of time. For a while you might be perfectly fine having sex with just one woman over and over again, but since youâre a man, eventually youâre going to want to have sex with a different woman (or women!). That doesnât mean you want to leave the woman youâre currently with; the odds are high you want to stay with her while having sex with one or more other women on the side. 

The word âeventuallyâ in the above paragraph varies based on the man. âEventuallyâ might mean two years for you or two months. The point is that âeventuallyâ always arrives⦠eventually. 

For example, Iâve lived out every sexual fantasy Iâve ever wanted or conceived of and done so many times with many women. That means that today, I donât need to do the crazy stuff anymore. I donât need to do a threesome with two 18 year-olds, or have sex with a minor celebrity, or have sex with several women in the same family. Been there and done all of that, so Iâm good. I never need to do that crazy shit ever again. (I said I didnât need to do that crazy stuff, and I donât. But if it was freely offered, I wouldnât say no either.)

Sexual Newness 

The need for sexual newness is very different than the need for sexual variety.   

Sexual variety means you need multiple women over a period of time. 

Sexual newness means you constantly need new women. 

Thereâs a huge difference between those two things. 

I need sexual variety. I donât need sexual newness at all. I could, in all seriousness, (and Iâve said this before), be married to one woman and have one FB on the side, neither of whom ever left or got fat (they can get older, they can gain a little weight, but they canât get fat) and stick with having sex with just those two women for the rest of my life and Iâd be completely sexually satisfied.

In real life this will never happen since A) women leave and B) most women are âdoneâ having sex at around age 65 or so. Iâm just saying that I would be perfectly okay with having sex with just two women for the rest of my life within those parameters. 

It wouldnât be monogamy, but the two women would never be new, and that would be cool with me (again, if it was possible in the real world and it likely isnât.) 

If you need sexual newness, that means that you not only need to have sex with multiple women, but you need these women to be new all the time.  

That means that if you start having sex with two super hot babes, within a few weeks youâll start getting bored with having sex with those two because they arenât new anymore. If you go out and have sex with a new girl, even if sheâs less hot than your current two women, youâll be âhappyâ again because sheâs new. 

See the difference? 

Itâs not sexual variety thatâs tripping you up, itâs your need for sexual newness, something I really donât have. 

Itâs really important you understand that difference. Just understanding that difference should help you a lot. 

If thereâs demand for it, I will write a follow-up article about how to alleviate the problem of the need for sexual newness. (Though Iâve already hinted at one way to help it; get out there and live your sexual fantasies!)