And yes, most of the problems you will encounter in your relationship life are your fault, in that you probably fucked up one of the Cardinal Rules. Just about every guy who emails me or coaches with me with a relationship problem is guilty of violating one or more of these rules.
That being said, there are times where youâre doing everything more or less correctly, and she breaks one of the rules. What happens then?
As always, we need to get our contexts aligned when we say ârules.â
In FB relationships, there are no rules. She can do pretty much whatever she wants. So a woman in an FB relationship with you canât âbreak a rule.â She can be a bitch, she can give you drama, and so forth (time for an instant soft next if thatâs the case!) but she canât break any rules.
In an MLTR, there arenât any ârulesâ that she needs to follow. Sheâs welcome to have sex with other men and even date other men. The only rules a woman can break in an MLTR is if youâre not using condoms on her and she promises to do the same with other men, and then violates that promise, thereby putting your health at risk. There may be a few other odd scenarios I can think of, but for the most part, itâs pretty hard for a woman to break a rule in an MLTR.
OLTR, now thatâs a different story. Unlike other types of nonmonogamous relationships, in an OLTR there are indeed rules. Not many rules (and if there are, youâre doing it wrong), but some. So yes, a woman in an OLTR can indeed break the rules if sheâs not careful.
So the first way to avoid this problem is to simply never have an OLTR. If you never have an OLTR and just stick with FBs and MLTRs, which is a perfectly fine model, youâll never need to worry about any woman breaking any rules because sheâll never have any.
That being said, most men will want something that at least looks like an OLTR at some point in their older years when theyâre over age 35. What then?
The next way to deal with a woman breaking the rules is to minimize the odds of ever ending up with a woman who will break the rules in the first place. There are three simple ways to do this; simple, but not easy:
1. Donât get into an OLTR with any woman under the age of about 24. The older, the better.
2. Donât get into an OLTR with any woman who isnât low-drama, low-ASD, or is a Dominant. I see way too many of you guys getting into OLTRs with women who are higher drama, higher ASD, Dominants, and so on. Also remember that certain races and nationalities of women are more drama than others (coughRussianscough).
3. Never get into an OLTR unless youâve dated her, consistently and often, for at least 6-12 months as an MLTR and there has been near-zero problems that entire time. Let me be clear about this: âdating consistently and oftenâ means youâve been seeing her once a week for 6-12 months. It does not mean you see her for a while then leave town for a month then start seeing her again then leave town again for three weeks then see her again and so on. Thatâs not consistent, and that doesnât count.
In the two OLTRs Iâve had, Iâve never experienced a woman violate any rules. Do you know why? I followed the above three guidelines to the letter. It took both HBM and Pink Firefly years of me dating them as FBs and then MLTRs before we became an OLTR, so I had plenty of time to verify their low-drama, low-ASD status. They werenât Dominants either. (Dominants usually donât last past about two or three dates with me anyway.) I donât like drama or problems, so I have to make very sure a woman isnât prone to these problems before she becomes my OLTR girlfriend / wife.
Once again, I see a hell of a lot of you bastards leap into OLTR relationships with women well before youâve been dating them consistently and often for at least six months (12+ months is better!). Not smart. Control that oneitis! There is never any rush to get into an OLTR. Never. I don’t care how awesome she is or how she’s Not Like The Restâ¢. Calm the fuck down and take your time.