How can you be Outcome Independent, yet still want what you want?
How do you have a true, donât-give-a-shit attitude while still having goals, objectives and/or a Mission that you are deeply passionate about?
As I describe in detail in my book, Outcome Independence doesnât mean you donât care about any outcomes in your life. If that were the case, youâd simply stay in bed all day and waste away until you died of starvation.
Instead, OI means you donât care about the outcome of any individual scenario.
For example, when Iâm in full-on dating/sarging mode (which Iâm usually not these days), my objective is always the same: to bring in 1-3 new women into my FB / MLTR roster. This is my desired outcome. I want this outcome.
To achieve this outcome, I go on the dating sites, run through that process, go on a few first dates, and run through that process. As always, Iâm dealing with multiple women at a time, never just one woman at a time, since that would be horrible time management.
When Iâm on any one particular date, or talking to any one particular woman, Iâm completely Outcome Independent. I literally do not care how the interaction ends up. If she works out, great. If she doesnât, great. Since Iâm using a process that works every time, and since Iâm dealing with multiple women, Iâm Outcome Independent regarding the outcome of any one woman or one date.
Since OI is an extremely attractive quality to women, this helps my results with women. It also keeps me happy and upbeat regardless of what happens. Win / win.
Yet, during the entire time, Iâm still desirous of the endgame goal; to get 1-3 new women on rotation. Iâm outcome âdependentâ about the goal, but not about the process or any individual woman. I donât need to stress about the goal, since I know the goal will come.
This extends to every other area of my life, such as in my businesses, my financial life, my fitness life, and every other area of my life where I have goals, of which I have many. My goals are very important to me, but I absolutely donât give a shit about the outcomes regarding any one individual person, prospect, customer, client, interaction, meeting, investment, or whatever. Iâm Outcome Independent.
Just like with women, men in business are also naturally drawn to other men in business who demonstrate OI. Think about it. Who are you more likely to buy from? A salesman who is clearly desperate to make the sale and is pressuring you hard to do so, or the salesman who is polite and personable but clearly doesnât give a shit about the sale because he doesnât need the money?
Thereâs no contest. More people are going to buy from second guy, even if heâs charging more money for same thing.
Outcome Independence is immensely powerful.
Positive About the Goal, Pessimistic About the Details
A similar and equally effective way of looking at this is to be positive about your goal, but be very pessimistic on the details and the process of getting to it. Iâve practiced this most of my life and itâs worked very well for me.
One of my mentors, Dan Kennedy, explains it best with this example:
I fly often. Whenever I go on a plane, I know the plane will get me to where I want to go. If Iâm going to New York, I know the plane wonât crash, and I know the plane wonât go to Mexico City. It will go to New York. Iâm 100% positive, happy, and expectant about the goal: getting to New York.
However, Iâm 100% pessimistic about all the aspects of getting there.
1. I expect delays getting through security.
2. I expect the airline to screw up the flight and leave late.
3. I expect the airline staff to be uncooperative if I encounter any problems.
4. I expect to be uncomfortable with the seating arrangements.
5. I expect them to poison me with the food.
6. I expect poor weather conditions when we arrive, causing even more lateness.
7. Etc.
So while Iâm positive about the goal, Iâm a huge Murphyâs Law pessimist regarding all the steps necessary to get to the goal. Therefore, I make contingency plans to account for all of these things, and I donât freak out if and when they happen.
This is a good way to look at any complicated process or goal. So many men go into business expecting smooth sailing, when in fact your first year or two in a new business will often be one of the most difficult times of your life. They get stressed out by all the very foreseeable problems that they didnât plan on, and bail out before theyâre successful.
As Iâve discussed at great length, men are constantly meeting, dating and/or getting into relationships with women and expect no major problems, assuming these women will always act rationally and logically. These men are always confounded and infuriated, and I mean infuriated, when these women act like the wonderful but irrational creatures they are.
Here’s a common exchange when I talk to men about women:
Guy asking for advice: WHY DID SHE DO THAT?!? IT MAKES NO SENSE!
Me: Because sheâs a girl.
So, want your bottom-line goal, but be Outcome Independent about literally everything else in your life. Expect problems and establish safeguards and contingencies for when these likely problems occur, because they will.
Youâll be a more attractive man and a much happier dude.
