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Tuesday Tips #6 Stay In Control Or Get Out

Donal Graeme
February 28, 2017

The series continues. As always, these do not necessarily represent my opinion.

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Tuesday Tips was started for a singular reason. I presumed (rightly or wrongly) that Donal was weary of blogging and might close up shop. Tuesday Tips was an attempt to give him a breather.

My motive was and is entirely selfish. As a father (many time over, from âmoved outâ to newborn) I unfortunately canât just ignore the modern ‘religious’ SMP. I may not be interested in it, but it sure as hell is interested in me! So Iâm doing my small part to help keep this blog alive in order to keep up with what’s going on out there.

For this tip, Iâm going to tell a personal story reinforcing the need for a man to maintain his balance in a relationship. It’s a bit dated, but still applicable to today I think.

I was about 21 (early â90s). I had a kinda âgirlfriendâ I had met in my former coed dorm. Blond. Total ditz. I found her addictive, but honestly have no idea why. She was at best a 6. My friends found her ridiculous. But she âclickedâ something deep and primordial in me. Beauty or personality certainly had nothing to do with it.

Anyway, we were out on a Friday night playing a sport with friends. She did something clumsy (not uncommon) and broke her nose. Blood everywhere. I wasnât involved in the accident itself but as the informal âboyfriendâ I took her to the emergency room.

Guys, you know where this is going. She called her mom for the insurance number, got her nose taped up, and everyone closed out the ruined night with cards and beer. Or so we thought.

Within hours, cops were banging on the door. Why? Her mom had âintuitedâ I smacked her around and requested the cops investigate.

I will never forget those cops. They flanked me, armed, visibly threatening, while I stood gaping incredulously. They didnât even seem to want information, just an excuse to bash somebodyâs head. Specifically, mine. They wouldnât let it go, no matter what I (or she) said. Eventually, a roommate corralled a few people who had personally witnessed the injury. The cops finally left. Grudgingly.

I was inflamed, to put It mildly. I remember thinking: what if we had been alone when she broke her nose? What if she wanted to get even with me for something? I demanded answers. She actually had the nerve to kind-of/sort-of defend her momâs behavior. I was aghast and stated flatly we were over, it was her mom or me; I wasnât going to keep dodging cops. She burst into tears. I should have just walked, but I was obsessed. And thus a fool.

Iâm humiliated to admit that this ârelationshipâ lingered for years after this event. I didnât actively pursue her, but I couldnât move on. I remained infatuated. In fact, she was the one who finally âmanned upâ to initiate a formal breakup. Thank God.

So where did I go wrong? Where to start?

1)      Never answer your door to cops, period. Set up a door microphone (I have one now) and donât be afraid to ignore the bell. If they threaten to break in (in supposed DV cases like this one they may) just send out the required parties one by one. But never talk. Record everything. Keep control.

2)      Never date women from bad/broken homes who havenât dealt with their dysfunctional parents. I know this flies in the face of many peopleâs interpretation of âhonor your father and motherâ but they forget the second part of the commandment, which helps to explain its proper interpretation and application. In this case, her mom was divorced (natch) and I must wonder with chuckle what her father would have said about the situation. Regardless, I should have been far, far more careful. And critical. The danger signs with that woman were everywhere.

3)      Get control of your emotions regarding women, or prepare to reap the whirlwind. Itâs better to just not get involved with any woman who pickles your emotions to idiocy. Lose control and command of the relationship? It will likely end badly. Get out long before then.

4)      Try to date various women. Never get oneitis like I did. There is no âoneâ.

5)      Pay close attention to what others think about your girlfriends (spoken or unspoken). Do so with an open mind; you may have lost your head. I certainly did, and I’m not the type to do so.

This tip is so obvious I’m skeptical it’s even worth sharing. And a lot has changed since then; today I’m not sure the cops would have even came by, don’t most places have mandatory arrests in DV callouts and this was just a hysterical mother?). But regardless, if I can prevent even one man from being the fool I was, itâs worth the pixels and the time. Be careful out there, guys.

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Post Information
Title Tuesday Tips #6 Stay In Control Or Get Out
Author Donal Graeme
Date February 28, 2017 6:00 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Blog Donal Graeme
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Donal-Graeme/tuesday-tips-6-stay-in-control-or-getout.24813
https://theredarchive.com/blog/24813
Original Link https://donalgraeme.wordpress.com/2017/02/28/tuesday-tips-6-stay-in-control-or-get-out/
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