City Review: Pattaya, Thailand

Rel’s International Travel Guides (see more)
Pattaya, Thailand
Relampago’s City Rating:

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• Nightlife: Excellent
• Chance to score: Excellent
• Beer prices: About 70 baht, or $2
• Food prices: Can’t afford NOT to eat out, from $5 for a quality meal
• Lodging: From $15/night
• Things to do besides chase women: Many options

Las Vegas uses the marketing slogan “Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” That city should be so lucky as to be Pattaya, Thailand where there is far more to do than piss money away at casinos, shop, and eat out. “Whatever happens in Pattaya, stays in Pattaya” is a loftier ambition for the single Red Pill man.

Quite frankly, as someone who has been to Bourbon Street in New Orleans numerous times, that famous venue also has nothing on Walking Street in Pattaya. Bourbon Street should aspire to be the balls-out good time that Walking Street is.

Incidentally, if you’re into gambling there are casinos here. But who has time for that nonsense when this is a city crawling with hot chicks? I’m talking naked Asian women in every GoGo club, plenty of beer bars with hot chicks hanging around, and plenty of places for men to practice day game. There are even a few bars where you can meet up with and have a beer with some African chicks if dark skinned women are your bag. I won’t even detail the infamous “soapy massage parlors” some men swear by down around Soi 2.

This is sin city central. There are few things that compare to a voyage to Pattaya for the single man. A PUA will have no problems scoring with top-quality women. Thailand is often called the Land of a Million Smiles. I guess it’s hard not to smile when so many thin and feminine women are available to any almost any charming farang who takes the time to get to know them.

Other than the top-notch nightlife, there are many interesting ways to spend your day in and around Pattaya. My top five would be:

• Getting wet at Ramanaya Water Park
• Touring The Big Buddha at Big Buddha Mountain
• Visiting The Temple of Truth
• Taking a boat trip to Koh Larn
• Visiting either Nong Nooch Tropical Gardens or Sriracha Tiger Zoo

Beaches are okay on the mainland, but if you take the boat trip to Koh Larn you’ll find much better looking water and scenery.

If you’ve never had Asian food in Asia, you’re really missing out. The ersatz food that passes for “Asian” food back in the States can’t hold a candle to the culinary delights that cost $5 for a meal here, versus $30 or more at the craptastic American chains like P.F. Chang. One of the best things about Pattaya is the fact there are also many excellent Indian restaurants (Taste of India is highly recommended by Rel) and many excellent Turkish Kebab houses.

I can also recommend Thai barbecue. It’s a real treat. Most Thai barbecue places are all you can eat. The best part is your new Thai girlfriend will cook the barbecue for you (and likely feed it to you) at the table. That’s an experience that’s hard to forget for men who regularly have to slop the American hogs on dinnerviews back home.

This place would be a fatty’s dream. (Incidentally, speaking of fatties have you read my article detailing the hilarities I saw on Walking Street?)

Another must see is the Turkish Ice Cream guy on Walking Street, who has been featured on World’s Most Amazing videos because of all the tricks he performs as he serves ice cream. The Snowcap Bingsoo Korean Dessert Cafe is also a worthwhile stop.

As alluded to above, beers are dirt cheap. Chang, Singha and Tiger beers are the staples, but there are many bars that carry Heineken and a couple of other Eurocentric brands. Thankfully, there’s no Budweiser in sight. The Singapore Sling cocktail is also worth a try. Quality of ingredients in this cocktail varies from bar to bar, but The Windy Inn on Walking Street makes top notch Slings.

Hotels range in price, but I normally stay in quality guest houses that cost me around $15 a night. I’ve always had excellent service at guest houses in Pattaya with clean rooms, good air conditioning, and comfortable beds.

Scooters rent for around $10 a day, but the police like to give tourists a hard time when they’re driving around town. I personally got pulled over and had my license yanked out of my hand on the spot. What was my license yanked for? Not having some bullshit AAA International Driving Permit. What a crock. That was the one dark moment in what was otherwise a very sunny trip. I had to go pay a 400 baht bullshit fine to get my CDL back. That’s less than $15, but it seems to me the police could work out a deal with the guys renting these scooters.

At just over an hour south of Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi Airport, a trek to this tropical paradise is a must for every TNMM reader. I would recommend a bare minimum of 2 weeks here to even begin to take in all the city has to offer. Best option would be to spend a full 30 days here, budgeting $50 a day for entertainment and food. Want personalized travel advice from Rel? It’s available through the RF Life Coaching Service.

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