There’s an idea that’s been floating around PUA circles a long time, the crux of which is that chasing women is low value. The idea takes many forms. Anti-Game types will usually give it a moral flavour, to say that sleeping around is ‘degenerate’. Married men may tell you it’s more ‘alpha’ to marry a mediocre woman and have sex with her as she ages. You’ll hear it within the game community too – specifically two variations:
- Just use Tinder. It’s much easier and it gives me more time to focus on my online business, gym, and folding the pocket squares.
- Get a social circle on lockdown then the women come to you.
In both cases, the man making the statement will look to devalue the very idea of proactively chasing women because, obviously, he’s not chasing them himself. These are self-serving reality weaves. Men with significant cold approach experience don’t need me to explain the obvious, but I shall for newer readers. The “don’t chase” lifestyle has these big problems:
1. Grotty girls. Nature has set up the sexual market place very specifically to be that women put themselves on display, men step up and make a pitch, then the women choose whether to be swept along. A key part is making the pitch. The act of making your pitch shows the girl so much about your character, confidence, and offers a window into your personality. If you remove this step then you are trying to reverse SMP rules by expecting the girl to make the pitch. There is only one consistent way to get girls to approach you – drop your quality standards. When someone (male or female) feels they have a shot at someone two or more points higher in SMV then they lose all shame [1]. Most “no approach” systems of Game boil down to putting yourself in the vicinity of girls two points below you then acting like James Bond while they hit on you.
Tinder is a weaponised form of this. Every man swipes the girls, then the girls filter for the highest SMV guys on there, knowing casual sex is the price they pay for any kind of sexual access to a guy so far above them in SMV. Social circle game is a less extreme version.
2. Slutty girls. Expecting girls to come to you means the girl must have the drive and comfort with seeking out casual sex. It goes against a girl’s hard-wiring to give herself away so cheaply and thus such an approach filters heavily for r-selected girls. Some social scenes are by nature extremely r-selected and thus ‘make-em-come’ will work fairly well there. For example, the USA is the most r-selected country in the Northern hemisphere, New York its most r-selected city, and Brooklyn its most r-selected area. If you then focus on rock or hipster scenes you are in the most r-selected of this filter. This is a massive filter. There are lots of girls in this scene who are going out looking for casual sex and a smart player can figure out how to be the guy they choose. Great. Just know that’s what you’re getting and don’t expect it to work as well in an environment with different filters [2] Also note, r-select girls are rarely as attractive as k-selects. Banging sluts is great fun at first but you soon lose all respect for the women you sleep with and that ruins your inner game. It also puts you in your head over whether you can actually get one of the normal hot girls who doesn’t sleep around.
There is one way the ‘make-them-come’ method can get you decent quality girls who aren’t sluts. It’s the Holy Grail of that type of game, so let’s look at that.
First you must build up tremendous social value and occupy a powerful position within a chosen environment. For example you may start as a bartender in a hip bar then start a popular band, so you have a rep in your area. Perhaps you buy a strip club and hold hire-fire power over dancers. Perhaps you set up weekly house parties and become the ‘connected’ guy who can subtly value-tap every male in the room because you hold the invites. Girls will notice you are the top dog and gravitate towards you. Some of them will be hot [3]
That’s great. It’s getting you laid with hot girls. So the upside to this strategy is obvious. But rather than pretend it’s a panacea, let’s look in detail.
1. Fundamentally, this method is a status play and thus you filter for girls who highly value status. You are wrapping yourself in the clothing of external status and pulling based on that, rather than your character. Of course in that environment you can still show charisma (but you’d have to develop it, and thus include other activities in your strategy). This means you are actively selecting for girls who are impressed with social status. Despite what Red Pillers would have you believe, such girls are a subset of the female population. Most girls do not just seek casual sex with the top dog [4]
The extreme end of girls who value status
However, some of the girls who do are hot so it’s a valid strategy. How do you recognise such girls? brand name fashion, active Instagram accounts, time-consuming make-up and grooming regime. Personally I can’t stand such vacuous girls (nor they me) but plenty of them are hot so if that’s your thing, go for it.
2. This is not a low-effort strategy. You are literally changing your entire life-pattern to create a net to catch girls. That’s no different to what daygamers do, so don’t pretend it’s low value when we do it but high value when you do.
3. It’s not portable. It’s an effective strategy for a man who lives in one city and intends to stay there. It falls apart when he travels. So pick the one which fits your future plans.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying this higher-level version of ‘build-it-and-they-come’ is bad. Done well it’s highly effective. Just don’t fall for the self-serving spiel of its proponents that chasing girls is pussy begging in comparison. Chasing girls across different countries using a charisma-based game will suit men with certain personality types, certain goals, and a certain preferred type of woman. Make-them-come strategies will suit men with a different set of variables and priorities.
Have a look at this video of lions hunting and killing buffalo. Afterwards, pop over to the National Park and explain to them that they are “buffalo begging” and ought to just sit in the zoo and let the zoo-keeper bring them food.
[1] – Just think of your office workmates at the company Christmas party when they are suddenly standing next to the “hot girl” from Marketing. They’ll embarrass themselves. Conversely, if a man has very high SMV then two points below is still pretty. But why isn’t he chasing girls two points above him?
[2] – I suspect many game theory arguments come from applying a model that works well in one highly-filtered environment with a model for a completely different environment
[3] – This is subtly different to being simply a bit shiny in a location full of sluts. Now we mean normal girls who don’t sleep around who are on the look-out for a man who exemplifies the things they value. That’s not the same as a slut coming out to get fucked and choosing the best option that night.
[4] – The PUAsphere gets this badly wrong because most of them are engaged in world-creation. They go to places full of status-chasing girls, in a country known for it, and then try to display status. What a surprise that the only women they succeed with happen to be the status-chasers. They falsely generalise from this to think all girls chase status, because the ones who don’t are outside of the filter.
If you thought this post outlined a case for why chasing skirt is a worthwhile activity, you might like my book. It’s about how I chase skirt.
