5 possible reasons why:
1. She wants to keep you around while she moves on behind your back
Sometimes, a womanâs ego canât stand the idea of her ex moving on before she does, especially if sheâs the one who dumped him.
In her mind, she might see him finding a replacement woman before she finds a new man as a sign that heâs actually more desirable than her and her confidence canât take that kind of knock.
So, rather than risk that happening, she might keep him interested by saying that she wants to be part of his life, but not as his girlfriend.
This will hopefully make him think things like, âIf I stick around long enough, she could realize her mistake and come back to me.â
Then, while heâs hanging around being a nice, useful, reliable friend to her (e.g. he makes himself available to her when she needs him, he helps her out when she needs a favor, runs errands for her, is her plus one to parties or weddings when she doesnât have a date), she secretly focuses on finding herself a new man.
When she finally does, she will then be able to fully drop her ex, because she no longer needs him hanging around her.
She will then likely say something along the lines of, âLook, I know I said that I want to be part of your life, but I donât think I can do that anymore. Iâve met someone else and it wouldnât be fair to him if I hung out with you like Iâve been doing up to now. I will always care for you, but maybe itâs time we went our separate ways now.â
She can then move on, knowing that she wasnât the one left behind.
Donât let that happen to you.
If you accept your girlfriendâs request to be part of your life but not as your girlfriend, make sure you use interactions with her to spark her feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you, showing her that youâve changed and improved in some of the ways that are important to her, by changing your approach to attraction with her).
The more respect and attraction you make her feel for you again, the less motivated she will feel to move on with another guy.
Instead, she will slowly change her mind about not wanting to be your girlfriend anymore and realize that losing you will be a big mistake.
So, donât play it safe.
If you do, donât be surprised if she eventually does move on with another guy.
Another possible reason why your girlfriend wants to be a part of your life but not as your girlfriend isâ¦
2. She loves you and appreciates you as a person, but just doesnât feel sexually and romantically attracted to you at the moment
Sometimes, a womanâs feelings for her guy will begin to change and she will go from being in love with him and feeling sexually attracted to him, to no longer wanting to be in a committed, romantic relationship with him.
For example: Some of the reasons why that might happen areâ¦
- He stops treating her like a sexy, desirable woman and instead treats her more like a buddy or a roommate.
- He doesnât have much of a purpose and direction in life so she no longer feels safe in the relationship with him.
- He doesnât lead in the relationship and instead expects her to call the shots and make all the decisions for the both of them, which she doesnât want.
- The sex has become boring or has even dried up altogether.
- Heâs too nice to her (even when sheâs behaving badly) so she feels like she has power over him.
So, to get out of the relationship without really having to get into long discussions with her guy about how she no longer feels attracted to him (i.e. in case he tries to talk her out of her decision), a woman might just say something along the lines of, âI want to be part of your life, just not as your girlfriend.â
This may leave a guy feeling confused and wondering things like, âWhat does she mean by that? Does she just want some space? Will she change her mind and want to get back with me if we take a break?â
Yet, hereâs the thingâ¦
A woman will rarely get back with a boyfriend who she no longer has sexual feelings for.
Instead, she will usually stick to being friends (in some cases, text friends only), while she actively focuses on finding herself a replacement guy to move on with.
So, if you want to prevent that kind of thing from happening, you need to take control of the situation.
Hereâs howâ¦
Firstly, accept her decision to break up and tell her you can just be friends.
However, donât act like a neutral friend who isnât sexually and romantically interested in her anymore.
Instead, use a new approach with her from now on, over the phone and especially in person, to re-spark her feelings for you.
You need to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you, so that when youâre apart, she canât stop thinking about you and wanting you back.
That is what works on women.
The more you make her feel sexually attracted and aroused by your new approach to conversations and interactions, the more she will want to be your girlfriend again.
Another possible reason why your girlfriend wants to be a part of your life but not as your girlfriend isâ¦
3. She is afraid that if she opened up to be your girlfriend, the relationship would be the same as before
Sometimes, a woman might still care for her guy, but she may also feel that she just canât live with certain aspects of his thinking and behavior.
For example: Some of the things that can cause a woman to feel that being in a relationship with a guy is impossible for her, even though she does still care for him areâ¦
- Heâs too submissive around her so she feels like she has power over him.
- Heâs clingy and needy.
- He takes her for granted.
- Heâs not affectionate enough.
- He doesnât make her feel appreciated.
- He has no focus or direction in life and is just drifting along. In her eyes, he is being irresponsible.
- He doesnât make her feel like a desirable, sexy woman and instead, makes her feel like more a good friend.
- He doesnât put much or any effort into the relationship anymore.
- He is emotionally closed off from her.
- He expects way too much of her, without giving much in return.
So, if a woman breaks up with her guy because of some of these reasons, sheâs naturally going to be afraid of the same thing happening again if she gives him another chance.
If he then tries to get her back, she might say something like, âSorry. I really do want to be part of your life, but just not as your girlfriend.â
Essentially, what sheâs not saying is, âYour approach to the relationship no longer makes me feel the way I want to feel. I do care for you, but I canât risk getting back with you and finding that nothing has really changed. Iâd probably be better off trying to get over you and finding myself another guy who will give me the attraction experience I really want, rather than hoping you will change.â
So, if you want to convince your ex girlfriend to give you another chance, you need to change your approach to one that will convince her that things will be different this time around.
How can you do that?
Firstly, by taking the pressure off her to commit to a relationship again.
Then, just focus on making her have feelings for you again.
Some of the ways you can do that are byâ¦
Making interactions between you and her fun and enjoyable, rather than tense and stressful.
Using humor to take away the awkwardness and make her feel relaxed and open, rather than being too serious or trying too hard to convince her youâve changed and causing her to put up her guard even more.
Maintaining your confidence around her, even if sheâs insisting that she doesnât want to be your girlfriend anymore, rather than becoming despondent and giving up at the first sign of resistance from her.
Believing in yourself and in your value to her, rather than feeling like youâre no longer good enough for her.
Flirting with her and create some sexual tension between you, rather acting neutral or like just a friend.
Showing her via your attitude, actions, behavior and conversation style that youâre now a new and improved man that she can truly look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, rather than continuing to make the same old attraction mistakes as before.
When she can see for herself that you really are different now, she naturally lowers her guard and opens herself up to the idea of trusting you again.
She then easily and naturally begins to change her mind about not wanting to be your girlfriend anymore, because she can see that things really are different now.
Another possible reason why your girlfriend wants to be a part of your life but not as your girlfriend isâ¦
4. She currently believes that it will be easy for her to find another guy who will be better for her
Sometimes, a woman feels pretty confident in herself and in her attractiveness to men.
That is why, after a break up, she doesnât feel too worried that sheâs going to struggle to find herself a replacement guy almost immediately to move on with.
Additionally, because she no longer has strong feelings of respect, attraction and love for her ex, she doesnât want him holding her back from moving on, by constantly trying to convince her to give him another chance.
So, to avoid that, she says something along the lines of, âI want to be part of your life, but not as your girlfriend.â
In that way, she doesnât completely cut him off, in case she does end up struggling to find a new man, then she has him as a backup.
At the same time, she has the freedom to move on, meet, hook up with and date new guys, without ever having to worry that her ex still thinks thereâs a chance of getting her back.
Of course, if things donât work out as she wants them to (i.e. she doesnât find herself a new man right away), she can always go back to her ex, who is likely waiting in the wings anyway.
Then, if another guy comes along and sparks her sexual and romantic feelings for him, she will dump him again and quickly move on.
So, donât let that happen to you.
Donât let your ex use you as a backup plan while she moves on without you.
So, go ahead and accept her offer to be âfriendsâ from now on rather than a couple.
Then, use every interaction you have with her to reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
The more drawn to you she feels, the less she will feel motivated to replace you with another man.
Suddenly, she will start to feel as though she already has the man she wants and that it would be a mistake to let you go.
You may then notice that she begins talking about being part of your life as more than just a platonic friend.
Itâs then up to you if you want to fully re-spark her feelings for you and get her back, or stick to what she said she wants (i.e. for her not to be your girlfriend anymore).
The choice is yours.
Another possible reason why your girlfriend wants to be a part of your life but not as your girlfriend isâ¦
5. She wants to let you down lightly, to avoid you getting angry or making the break up more dramatic than it needs to be
Even if a guy is a really good man who would never do anything to hurt his ex, a woman has a natural instinct to protect herself from a potentially tense or even explosive situation when breaking up with a guy.
Essentially, she doesnât want him losing control of his emotions and trying to stop her from leaving him (e.g. by getting angry and threatening to hurt her, breaking down and begging, pleading and crying as a way of making her change her mind, refusing to let her go unless she promises to stay with him).
So, rather than saying, âLook, itâs over. Iâm leaving and I want you to accept that and leave me alone. I donât want you anymore,â she instead lets him down easy by saying something like, âI want to be part of your life, but not as your girlfriend, okay?â
Basically, sheâs likely hoping that by saying that to him, it will lessen the chance of him causing a scene and making things uncomfortable, or even scary for her.
Additionally, saying that to him might give him a bit of hope that sheâs at least sticking around and that he might be able to get her back.
This belief can cause him to back off for a little while, giving her the time she needs to find a replacement guy and move on.
Then, by the time her ex realizes that she was just looking for the easy way out of the relationship, she will have moved on and has possibly even fallen in love with a new man.
Hereâs the thing thoughâ¦
You can still turn the situation around if you want to.
Start by accepting her offer to be a part of your life and then use every interaction you have with her (especially over the phone and in person) to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
The more you do that, the more she will want to be your girl again.
5 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Want her to Be Your Girlfriend Again
You can change how she feels if you want to.
However, it canât be about begging, pleading or offering her things that she doesnât want.
Instead, it needs to be about making her have strong feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
Thatâs why, your approach to attraction from this point onwards is very important.
It will either be turning her on and making her want you back, or pushing her away even more.
So, make sure youâre not turning her off by making the following mistakes:
1. Accepting her terms of just being friends and then acting like just a friend
Sometimes a guy will hand all of his power over to his ex woman by allowing her to call the shots (e.g. he accepts her decision to only stay friends and doesnât do anything to reactivate her feelings for him and get her back).
Essentially, heâs being a good little boy who follows her orders in the hope that she will eventually change her mind and give him another chance.
Yet, thatâs not how it works.
If you just accept your exâs decision to be friends and then act like just a friend, not only are you handing your power over to her, youâre also losing more of her respect in the process (i.e. because a woman struggles to respect a man she feels more emotionally dominant to).
Of course, if she canât respect you, she wonât be able to feel sexually attracted to you and without those two all-important feelings, the chances of her wanting to be your girlfriend again simply fade away.
So, if you want to get her back, make sure that you maintain your position of power as the man, rather than thinking she will be impressed if you follow her orders (i.e. accept a friendship with her without making any effort to get her back).
In other words, be her friend if you want to, just make sure youâre not pretending to be an innocent friend who isnât interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.
If you act like just a friend, you will end up in the friend zone.
So, make the feelings sexual, initiate a kiss and then enjoy the great times ahead with her.
Another mistake to avoid making isâ¦
2. Pretending that you just want to be part of her life as a friend, when you really want to be in a sexual, romantic relationship again
When a woman says she wants to be part of a guyâs life but not as his girlfriend, he might begin thinking things like, âWell, at least sheâs not cutting me out completely. Hopefully, if I stick around and act like a good guy and I donât push her for a relationship, she will relax around me. Then over time, when she notices that Iâm always there for her and I do whatever she asks, she will realize that I really love her and that no other guy is as good to her as I am and she will then change her mind and want to be my girl again.â
He will then use interactions with her as a way of convincing her that heâs only interested in being her neutral friend (e.g. he talks in a nice, polite way to her, he doesnât flirt to build up sexual tension, he only uses polite humor, rather than using ballsy humor to make her feel attracted), even though what he really wants is to be her boyfriend
Naturally, this has the opposite effect to the one heâs hoping for.
Essentially, because heâs pretending that heâs not interested in her in a sexual and romantic way, she remains closed off because thereâs no sexual spark between them.
At the same time, she will likely be opening up to another guy who is actively sparking her feelings for him.
This is why, if you want to get your ex back, you canât sit around pretending that all you want is to be her nice, sweet, neutral friend.
Be her friend if you want to, but also make sure you use every interaction you have with her to make her experience strong, sexual feelings for you.
The more you do that, the more she will start wanting to be a part of your life as your girlfriend again.
On the other hand, continue pretending you only want to be her friend and chances are high, thatâs the only thing youâll be to her from now on.
Another mistake to avoid making isâ¦
3. Letting her see that you donât have any other options with women, in the hope that she is impressed by how loyal you are
Sometimes, a guy will deliberately avoid dating, or even just hanging out with other women after a break up, because he doesnât want his ex girlfriend to think that heâs over her, when what her really wants is to get her back.
The thinking behind this approach is that by showing her how loyal heâs being to her, even though theyâve broken up, she will feel flattered by his devotion and she will then change her mind and give him another chance.
Yet, hereâs the thingâ¦
Avoiding other women can actually turn a woman off a guy, rather than make her want to be his girl again. Why?
Essentially because, almost all women (even if they wonât admit it to your face) want to be with the type of man that other women feel attracted to and want.
Women love the thrill of the chase and competing with other women to win a manâs affection is part of that chase.
So, if your ex girlfriend gets the sense that sheâs the best you can do and that no other women are interested in you, she is going to be quite happy to stick to just being your friend.
This is why, itâs important that you make your ex feel as though sheâs going to lose you if she doesnât open back up to being your girl again pretty quickly.
Sheâs going to let a man who is a real ‘catch’ get away (i.e. you) and sheâs likely going to regret it later on.
Of course that doesnât mean you have to go out and hook up with or date other women to make her feel that way.
You also shouldnât pretend youâre dating other women when youâre not.
Instead, you need to show her via your actions, behavior and attitude that youâre now the type of guy that other women want.
She will then naturally start to feel worried that she made a mistake by breaking up with you.
Then getting her back becomes easy, because she wants it too.
Another mistake to avoid making isâ¦
4. Remaining a part of her life, but only via texts, social media messages or emails
Thereâs nothing wrong with staying in contact with your ex via text, social media and email, but that cannot be your main form of communication with her. Why?
Firstly, itâs a lot harder to make a woman feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction when she canât hear the tonality of your voice or see your body language.
Secondly, she might be texting and messaging back and forth with you, while all the while opening herself up to being seduced by guys who she gets to see and interact with personally every day.
Think about it this wayâ¦
If you have a choice between being with a photo of a hot woman or an actual, real life hot woman, which one would you pick?
Itâs pretty obvious that youâd most likely pick the real life woman over the photo any day.
In the same way, if a woman has a choice between a bunch of words written by a guy on a screen and real guy who is in front of her and is making her laugh, smile and feel good to be around him, sheâs almost certainly going to go for the real guy.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend to become your girlfriend again, you need to be the real guy who is making her feel attracted over the phone and in person.
Donât hide behind texts, social media or emails.
If you do, donât get surprised if she eventually tells you sheâs in a new relationship.
Another mistake to avoid making isâ¦
5. Not realizing that you can change her mind very quickly by attracting her in new ways
Right now, your girlfriend only wants to be a part of your life, but not as your girlfriend, because sheâs likely not feeling sexually and romantically attracted to you anymore.
However, if you change your approach and begin sparking her feelings for you in new and exciting ways (e.g. you make her feel like a desirable woman around you rather than a neutral friend, rather than being Mt. Nice Guy with her all the time youâre now a bit more of a challenge so she feels as though she needs to work hard to impress you), sheâs almost certainly going to change her mind.
Sheâs going to feel attracted, sheâs going to feel respectful and sheâs going to want to explore her new feelings for you, rather than let you go and potentially regret it later on.
So, donât waste another minute pretending that youâre okay with being just a friend to her.
Make her feel attracted to you in new and interesting ways, so she feels compelled to at least hook up with you sexually to see how she feels after that.
Then, once she experiences the new you for herself, there will be no turning back for her.
She will want to be your girl again because it feels so good.
