Here are 5 tips to help you talk to the emotional side of your ex’s brain, so she opens up and wants to be with you againâ¦
1. Stop trying to discuss the relationship with her
To get an ex woman back, you must focus on making her feel positive, enjoyable feelings for you.
That can’t happen if you’re trying to ‘work things out’ by discussing the relationship problems you and her experienced and how you might be able to fix them.
So, don’t try to discuss the relationship or ‘fix things’ between you and her right now.
Instead, just focus on making her experience positive, enjoyable feelings for you as you interact with her (e.g. love, respect, attraction, happiness, excitement, arousal and intrigue).
When you make her feel positive emotions, she will naturally drop her guard and begin to feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
You will be connecting to the emotional side of her brain rather than the analytical side of her brain.
She will enjoy being around you and feel drawn to you.
As a result, she will naturally want to hug you, kiss you, have sex with you and open back up to giving the relationship another chance.
However, if you force her into analytical mode by asking her loads of questions about the relationship, trying to ‘work things out’ or get her to remember the good old times and forget the bad times, she’s just going to close up.
Remember: What matters most is how you make her feel NOW.
Don’t worry about the past.
Yes, you made some mistakes and the relationship fell apart, but that was before.
What matters most is how you make her feel NOW.
So, focus on making her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you NOW.
Don’t make the classic mistake that other guys make and end up turning your ex off and making her not want to interact with you anymore.
For example: Imagine that a guy is on a call with his ex and not talking to the emotional side of her brain.
He’s making the classic mistake of saying things like, âPlease forgive me. I know I stuffed up pretty badly, but Iâm willing to do anything to make it up to you. How about we go away for a holiday to spend some quality time together just the two of us? Or, maybe you’d rather go to counseling together to have a professional help us through this. I’m willing to do whatever you want. Just tell me how to make things right between us and Iâll do it. I promise that you wonât regret it if you give me another chance.â
He hopes that his approach will work, but what he doesn’t realize is that NOTHING about what he’s saying or doing is making her feel re-attracted to him.
Before she would even be interested in going away for a holiday or participating in counseling, she would need to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved him.
He is essentially trying to get her to work on the relationship, even though she doesn’t have much or any feelings for him anymore.
Most women don’t want to do those kind of things if they’ve already broken up with a guy.
So, rather than make her think, âOh, how sweet. Heâs being so honest and open with me. He’s also willing to do whatever I want. He is so dedicated to me!â she will be thinking something like, âThis relationship just seems like too much hard work. He needs me to tell him what to do. He has no idea how to make me feel happy and attracted to him right now. He might feel drawn to me, but I just don’t feel the same way. In fact, his desperation to do whatever I want is actually turning me off even more.”
He was trying to show her that he loved her and cared about her so much that he was willing to do anything.
Yet, that’s just not the way to get a woman back after a serious break up.
You have to make her have feelings for you again, otherwise she’s just not going to feel motivated or inspired to say, “Yes!” and give you another chance when you ask for it.
So, in the example above, when the guy asks her for another chance, she will have already made up her mind and will say something like, âSorry, but Iâm not interested in getting back together again. Itâs over between us and you need to accept that and move on.â
The poor, right?
Definitely.
I feel for him.
He really loves her and wants to do the right thing, but his approach is all wrong.
So, what is the right way to get your ex woman back?
Simple.
Use every interaction that you have with her (especially over the phone and in person) to reactivate her feelings for you and then build on them.
Make her feel like she’s having so much fun and feeling so attracted when talking to you that the idea of not hearing from you again begins to make her feel anxious.
She starts to worry about the possibility of missing out on the chance to experience what it would be like to be in a relationship with you now.
Her guard comes down and she begins to enjoy the attraction she now feels for you.
So, how can you make her feel attracted?
One way to make her feel attracted is by using humor to make her smile, laugh and feel good when talking to you.
For example: Imagine that youâre on a call with your ex right now.
Firstly, make sure you donât mention the relationship to her at all.
If she happens to bring up the relationship and say something like, âI donât know why Iâm even talking to you after what happened,â rather than start explaining and apologizing (which will play right into her hands and give her more reasons to feel turned off by you), just turn it into something that you and her can laugh about together.
If she says, âI donât know why Iâm even talking to you after what happened,â you can say (in a light-hearted way), âWell, youâre probably talking to me because you canât resist my charming personality,â and have a laugh with her about it.
She will likely feel a bit shocked (in a good way) that youâre saying joking around with her when sheâs being serious and closed off.
She then laugh (or at least smile) at your boldness and feel sparks of respect and attraction for you.
Note: If she says, “That’s not funny” and tries to act like she’s angry, just know that it’s a test of your confidence.
Women always test the confidence of men and if a man crumbles under the fake pressure that is being put on him by a woman, the woman loses respect for him.
So, if she says, “That’s not funny,” don’t take it seriously and worry.
Instead, just say something like, “Relax girl. Just because we’re broken up, it doesn’t mean we can’t joke around and have a laugh. No need to be so serious.”
Say that in a relaxed, easy-going, light-hearted, but assertive manner to let her know that you’re not intimidated, but you’re also not being an asshole either.
Getting your ex woman to respect you is part of talking to the emotional side of her brain, so don’t be afraid to be assertive in a relaxed, easy-going way.
She might not openly admit to you that she feels some respect for the new you, but she will.
Additionally, don’t be afraid to joke around with her and get her smiling and laughing.
Laughing, smiling and having fun causes a woman to drop her guard and stop being so serious about everything.
As a result, interacting with her becomes a lot easier, because the emotional side of her brain is now open to you.
2. Start making her feel attractive emotions
To make your ex open herself up to the idea of getting back together, you must begin to replace her negative feelings for you (e.g. anger, disappointment, disgust) with more positive emotions (e.g. respect, attraction, love, desire, excitement and intrigue).
She then begins to think something like, âI canât believe how different he is now. I keep expecting him to react in the same way that he used to before, but he surprises me by reacting in a more confident and emotionally masculine way now. The man he has become now is definitely the kind of guy I could respect, feel attracted to and love again. Maybe it isn’t over between us. Maybe it would be fine to just give him another chance and see how things go. After all, I have that feeling in my heart for him again. I feel drawn to him. I have to follow my heart.â
What’s an example of how you can make her feel that way?
Make sure that you react differently to what she says and does compared to how you used to be.
No matter how much she tries to needle you to get a rise out of you, just make sure that you don’t show her the old you who she broke up with (e.g. insecure, not feeling worthy of her anymore).
For example: If your ex says something along the lines of, âMy feelings for you have changed. I donât think you and I are right for each other,â you can show her that you donât feel hurt or insecure by it.
You might laugh at what she said (important) and say something like, âI bet youâre expecting me to get upset right now, aren’t you? Okay, here goesâ¦â then playfully pretend to cry and say, âBoohoo! This canât be happening to me! The most perfect woman in the world doesnât think we should be together anymore. Oh no, my life is over. She hates me!â
Alternatively, you might laugh and say, âMy life is over! Iâm going to kill myself now. So⦠whereâs the nearest pizza place? I am going to eat as many pizzas as I can until I have a heart attack or something. Death by pizza sounds like something I can do. It might take a while, but at least it will be enjoyable,â and then laugh with her about it.
Alternatively, you might say something like, “You’re right. You and I aren’t right for each other because you always were a horrible cook. Do you know that I used to go to the bathroom and throw up when I ate your home cooked meals. They were the worst!” and have a laugh with her about that.
In other words, you donât take what she is saying so seriously and just use it as an opportunity to make her smile, laugh and feel good in your presence.
You temporarily get rid of the seriousness of the situation and as a result, she starts to relax a little.
You can then say something like, âSeriously though, I understand why youâre feeling that way about me right now. I definitely did silly things like (what you did wrong â e.g. you were too emotionally dependent on her, you displayed unmanly behavior too often, you were too jealous), but Iâm not that guy anymore. I donât expect you to believe me just because Iâm saying it, so Iâll let my actions and behavior prove it to you instead. I accept that weâre broken up and Iâm not going to push you to give me another chance, if thatâs what youâre worried about. That said, I still think we can be friends. We’re both mature enough to do that. So, let’s just be friends now, okay?â
If you were previously trying hard to get her back, or if you usually weren’t able to handle her negative comments or reactions, she will see for herself that you really have changed.
You now have the balls to remain confident and turn potentially awkward, tense situations into something that both you and her can laugh about.
She can also relax and not have to keep her guard so high because you’re saying that you just want to be friends now.
Of course, you’re not just going to be her friend.
You’re simply going to use the “friendship” angle to keep the lines of communication open, so you can interact with her and re-attract her.
3. Keep the laughter going
Thereâs a very good reason why people often say, âLaughter is the best medicine.â
It really does help to get rid of a lot of negative tension and bring things back to love and other feel good emotions.
In the case of getting an ex back, when you make her laugh, smile and feel happy to be around you, she will find it almost impossible to think, âHeâs such a jerk and I never want to see him again as long as I live,â at the same time.
Making her laugh isn’t the only thing that is required to get her back, but it definitely is something that helps bring her guard down so you can re-attract and impress her in other ways.
So, whenever youâre talking to your ex over the phone or in person, make sure that youâre not taking the conversations too seriously and creating unnecessary negative tension and stress between you and her.
Instead, approach every interaction with a confident, easy-going attitude and focus on turning pretty much everything she says into something that will make her laugh, smile and feel sparks of attraction for you again.
For example: Imagine that youâre having coffee with your ex and she says something like, âI donât know why Iâm even here.â
Rather than doing what a lot of insecure guys would do (e.g. get upset, try to calm her down), you can turn it into something that you and her can both laugh about together.
You might say, âI know why you’re here” and she will then ask something like, “Why?”
You can then say, “For the free coffee. You knew I’d pay for the bill and you need help to feed your coffee addiction” and then have a laugh with her about that.
She will then feel some respect and attraction for you because youâre not getting caught up in her fake drama.
She will then have to admit to herself that youâve changed (i.e. because youâre not reacting in the ways she is expecting you to), which will automatically boost her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
In addition to making her smile, laugh and feel good, you should alsoâ¦
4. Make her feel feminine in comparison to how masculine you think, talk, feel and behave
Many guys make the mistake of thinking that a woman will be happier if she gets to lead the way and decide how and when things happen.
So, rather than taking charge of the ex back process and getting her back, a guy will constantly be looking for her approval every step along the way.
For example: He might text her and say something along the lines of, âI would really like to talk to you. Is it okay if I give you a call sometime? I donât want to bother you if youâre busy.â
Alternatively, if heâs on a call and asking her to meet up with him at a coffee shop, he might ask, âAre you sure that coffee shop is okay with you? We can go somewhere else if you donât like it. Iâm easy. We can go anywhere that suits you. Just tell me which coffee shop you like the best and I will meet you there.â
Then, at the meet up (if he actually gets one), he might say things like, âI finally cleared up all that junk in my yard that you used to hateâ and hopes to get a compliment from her about it.
Alternatively, he might say something like, âI took your advice and bought myself some new t-shirts and jeans. What do you think? Do they look good on me, or?â
He’s hoping that she will be impressed and open up to giving him another chance because he’s made some changes.
Yet, thatâs not how the ex back process works with a woman.
A woman can get a man back that way (i.e. by changing things and then seeking his approval), but if a man seeks his ex woman’s approval, he is just going to turn her off even more.
Women don’t respect guys who need the approval of women to feel confident about themselves and their attractiveness.
Women respect guys who improve and develop as a man all the time, but don’t come looking for a pat on the head about it from a woman.
If seek her approval or a pat on the head via a compliment, she will just end up feeling turned off because of how you see her as being in the dominant, leading position.
When that happens, she then stops feeling feminine and girly around you and starts feeling more like your boss, teacher or mother, which is extremely unattractive to her.
This is why you must believe in yourself enough to take the lead and be a man around her, without needing her approval every step of the way.
Naturally, that doesnât mean you should be arrogant, rude, push her around or demand that she does whatever you say.
That’s not it at all.
Instead, being the mean and leading the way simply means that you are confident enough in yourself and in your value to her to do what it takes to get her back, without needing her to help you along and make things easy for you.
If she gets the sense that you’re lost without her, feeling unworthy of her or doubting your attractiveness and hoping that she will make you feel okay about yourself again, she will feel turned off and close up.
You then won’t be able to talk to the positive emotional side of her brain and will have to deal with the negative side instead.
So, make sure that you’re not seeking her approval of the changes you’ve made since the break up.
When you are self-approving, masculine man, not only do you automatically become more attractive to her, but you also realize that you donât need her to feel happy or fulfilled in your life.
That is attractive to her (and to other women).
All of a sudden, she starts to look at you in a more positive light because you are now behaving like the kind of man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love.
She realizes that if she doesn’t get back with you, she’s going to miss you a lot from now on and probably end up regretting it when you move on without her.
As a result, she will want to open up to give you and her another chance to see how it goes.
5. Create sexual tension
Sexual tension is an exciting, enjoyable, magnetic feeling that causes a man and a woman to want to kiss and have sex.
How can you create sexual tension?
Interact with her and make her feel attracted to you in many different ways at the same time (e.g. by using humor, being very confident, being emotionally strong, being charismatic, charming, assertive).
At the same time, let her see that you’re not chasing a relationship with her.
She is attracted to you, she wants you back, but you’re not even pressuring to make it happen.
You’re simply letting the sexual tension build between you and her.
As a result, she begins to feel like she wants to kiss you and may think something like, âWhat is happening to me? Why am I thinking about him kissing me again? Why am I suddenly worried about losing him? Why do I want to have sex with him?â
Remember: The key is not to release that sexual tension right away.
Let it build and build to the point where she feels compelled to tell you that she wants to give you another chance, or she hugs you or leans in for a kiss.
For example: Imagine that youâre having coffee with your ex and youâre flirting with her, making her laugh and smile and making her feel feminine in contrast to your masculine vibe.
By the end of the meet up, she will be feeling turned on and wondering if youâre going to at least give her a hug or a kiss goodbye.
Rather than giving her a hug and kiss, you can instead say something along the lines of, âAnyway, it was great to catch up. I should head off now. Maybe we can talk another timeâ and then leave.
This will leave her feeling frustrated and wondering what she did wrong and why you didnât try to kiss her.
She may even tell you to stop, so she can talk to you further and hopefully get a hug or kiss.
Alternatively, she might stop you and hug you or kiss you.
If she doesn’t do any of those things, don’t worry.
She will be feeling attracted to you again and there will be unresolved sexual tension between you and her.
So, she will be thinking about you from then on.
After a couple of days, simply contact her again and build up her feelings of attraction on the phone call.
Then, get her to meet up with you, build up some sexual tension and release it with a hug and kiss (or sex, if you can).
Warning: Donât play too hard to get.
Remember that she is currently your ex and if you play too hard to get, she might just get fed up and move on.
So, after youâve built up enough sexual tension, just go ahead and release it with hugging, kissing and sex.
That will be a pleasurable release of exciting sexual tension for her and make her want to experience more of you.
That’s how you talk to the emotional side of her brain.
Don’t waste time trying to discuss the relationship or connect with her in a friendly way.
Focus on making her feel attracted to you again, build up the sexual tension and release it when the moment is right.
You will then have her back and you can enjoy the great times ahead with her.
