99% of the time my advice is “Don’t waste time on girls who aren’t super into you”. However, there’s one exception:
If you’re a newbie, you should do whatever it takes to get laid.
The entire reason we’re trying to get laid in the first place is to fix our sex lives and to show ourselves we have options when it comes to sex/dating. This is commonly called “abundance mentality” – when you have such an abundance of girls in your life your entire mentality changes (in a good way). With options comes power – no longer will a girl be able to make demands of you. You won’t have to settle. You won’t have to make sacrifices and compromise your principles just for a bit of pussy. If a girl annoys you, or doesn’t tick all the boxes you’ve set, you can ignore her and move on to the next girl.
However, before you can get to that point, you obviously need to get laid a bunch – you can’t be “a man with options” without actually having any options. And at least at the start, if you’re going to go from not-very-experienced to hardcore-player, you’re going to have to make some compromises. You’d be a fool to turn down too many girls when you’re a newbie – beggars really can’t be choosers. Here’s what happens when you have sky-high standards (hint: you don’t get laid).
Your Number 1 Priority: Getting Laid
As a newbie, you really need to make getting laid your number one priority above all else, and never lose sight of that goal. Any time you’re thinking, “This girl is screwing me around a bit, should I drop her?” remember your goal. Let her screw you around, as long as you keep doing everything you can to have sex with her. If she wants to wait til date 5 to have sex, then wait til date 5. When I was a newbie, I once waited 8 dates to have sex with a Vietnamese girl who was a virgin. It was absolutely worth it, because I didn’t have much experience at the time, and she taught me a lot about getting laid and dealing with rejection (she said no to sex 20 times before she said yes). She was also one of my favourite girls out of everyone I’ve ever met – affectionate, sweet, and very grateful for any time I spent with her.
Newbies should also lower their standards and take anything they can get (at the start). That’ll mean banging a tonne of average-looking girls; it’s something I had to do myself to gain a tonne of experience (including a bunch of fat chicks). At the end of the day, sex with an average girl is a billion times better than sitting around at home, jerking your little dicky to foot fetish porn and feeling like a lonely loser who can’t get laid. And don’t forget in order to bang hot chicks, you’ll need to be a confident and experienced guy – what better way to gain confidence than with less-attractive chicks who’ll be incredibly grateful you’re paying them some attention. Average-looking girls will give you a million compliments, which you absolutely need as a confidence boost if you’re at the start of your getting laid journey.
Go on as many dates as you can, gain as much experience as you possibly can. I talk a lot about this in You’re Not Obligated to Have Sex with Someone.
Once you’ve gotten some experience under your belt, then it’ll be time to “upgrade” and go for cuter girls, and put up with less bullshit from girls you sleep with. The quicker you lower your standards and make compromises, the quicker you can get to the point of raising your standards.
Newbie Mindset isn’t Just for Newbies
You can also benefit from the “newbie mindset” when you have a particular fantasy you want to fulfill, or a new type of girl you’re going after, etc. When I set out to have my first few 3somes, I made a lot of compromises in order to get the job done and not miss out on the 3some. I intentionally played it safe as if I was a newbie, and it worked out.
I’ve done the same thing for specific fantasies I want to fulfill – eg the first time I had sex with a “gym bunny”, I went on 3 dates with her before she was comfortable having sex. Normally I only go for first date lays, but it was worth it to be able to say I’d banged a hot fitness girl.
The Takeaway
Lowering your standards and doing whatever it takes to get laid is mandatory for newbies. You can’t complain about not getting laid if you’re not willing to lower your standards and do everything you can to have sex.
It pays off in the end when you can raise those standards and have more of a “take it or leave it” attitude to sex. That’s when getting laid really becomes fun – you get to decide when you’ll be having sex and with whom. Your sex life will be entirely in your control.
