In the comments to a recent post, I suggested that a reader not give up entirely on the idea of meeting guys in bars. Another reader asked why not:
It is only when you start to look more closely that you start to see some of the negatives:
"I'm curious that you suggest not to write off the bar scene entirely. I'd be interested to know your reasons for this and also what kinds of bars to spend time in versus which ones not to."The way I see it, it shouldn't be necessary to prove that bars and nightclubs are a good place to meet guys; this is ostensibly the case: they are full of people of a similar age, looking their best, in a social mood, with no obligations to prevent them from meeting new people and engaging in conversation. On top of all of that, approaching random members of the opposite sex is socially acceptable in bars, to the point that it is almost expected. There is also an unlimited supply of alcohol - the most potent social lubricant.
It is only when you start to look more closely that you start to see some of the negatives:
- A fairly large portion of the patrons are interested in - if not actively looking for - casual sex.
- A lot of guys rely too heavily on alcohol to approach women, and end up being drunk and sloppy.
- It is often too noisy to have a good conversation.
- There is a lot of competition.
The real question is whether or not these negatives outweigh the obvious positives. I don't think they do.
I'll post Part 2 soon, which will discuss how to choose a venue.
- Yes, a lot of men are looking for casual sex, but if you filter properly, the time you waste on them will be negligible.
- The guys that drink too much are easy to spot and are essentially filtering themselves out for you.
- Noise makes things difficult but not impossible in most cases, and it can be controlled by being selective about where you go.
- The additional competition you'll face in a bar isn't as big of a deal as it might seem, since all men have different taste in women.
I'll post Part 2 soon, which will discuss how to choose a venue.
