Stop Explaining YourselfThis doesn't mean that you can't ever explain yourself to someone when an explanation is requested. It means that it is not the default action. The default action is the announcement. If an explanation is requested, you can decide whether or not offering one is necessary in the situation, but you should not offer one up front.
This might be my biggest pet peeve. Especially when I catch myself doing it. A lot of guy’s first instinct, when they say something that isn’t met with immediate praise and acceptance, is to start rationalizing what they said. This screams weakness and lack of self-confidence louder than anything else I can think of.
To continue my stream of personal training examples, yesterday I informed a lady that I’d no longer be conducting sessions after 6PM. I knew this was a situation where I might jump the gun and offer a big explanation up front, so I prepared myself. I started by simply stating, “No, going forward I can’t do Thursdays at 8PM.” Rather than explaining why or try to appease her initial reaction—I waited. Of course, she asked me why, and commented how perfect it worked out for her at that time. I responded by saying I simply decided not to do late sessions anymore. I may have lost a client, but I was prepared for that outcome and didn’t let my instinct to please everyone get in the way of what I wanted.
If you don’t get instant validation of something you say, that’s okay. Leave the burden on the other party to ask a question or make a counter argument before you start droning on and defending what you said.
In most cases, no one gives a damn why you are doing something, they only want to know what you are doing. To offer up an unsolicited explanation is implicit approval-seeking, which both men and women quite rightly see as weak and a display of low value.
