Roissy's Maxim II is a maxim that I had a fair amount of difficulty accepting, or understanding the value of, as a self-professed Christian man. Hadn’t I always been warned in Sunday school that jealousy is a sin? Why would I want to cause a spouse or a future spouse to sin? So I did a bit of study and discovered that the word jealous occurs 49 times in the NIV translation and not all of the occurrences are a negative inference for the word. Whereas the word Covet which is only listed 11 times and all are negative including the 10 commandments. Having mentioned the Bible in my post I can assume that the greatest experts of ancient texts in the entire world will rally around and dissect the proper meanings of the Arabic, Hebrew and Greek sources for the two words in question. Please do not. I mention it because that was a component of why I my inner delta so strenuously objected to this maxim.
Jealous: feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.
Covet: to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another's property.
To the PUA this distinction may not mean much until the fling becomes a stalker, but to those of us with a background in churchianity this is an important distinction, because from many a pulpit these two words are used interchangeably. I have come to the conclusion that jealously is not inherently wrong, however, when a desire drives you to consider breaking the law (moral or legal) to obtain it, that desire then becomes wrong.
Is there a time when jealously is warranted and good? Yes. An example from my own life: The electronic toll booth informed me of a twice-weekly affair that sent my wife’s vehicle north away from the house at 5pm and south toward the house at 4am. Most would agree with me that this is an appropriate time for jealousy. Because the feeling of jealousy is so visceral it is difficult to look at it objectively in our modern paradigm of politeness, similarly it is difficult to distinguish it from covetousness. My jealousy at the time was driven in the following two veins: What was rightfully mine (I had paid the price to obtain the matching ring) had been taken from me. I was doing everything right (read BETA) and someone else was enjoying physical intimacy with my wife. Did I desire anything wrong morally or illegally? No, therefore I perceive feelings as jealousy.
Now that I have made the case that jealousy is not by its nature evil, let us consider the reasons why it is an effective component of game. While men are competitive in many arenas, women are very competitive in one specific area, that of obtaining a premier mate to procreate with. In competition, relative success and the resulting rivalry is one of the driving forces which motivates people to better their position within that specific measurement matrix. How many times have you heard the story of some great athlete who remembers a turning point when a coach cuts him from the team, or when some other important figure tells him he will “amount to nothing”. This specific painful rivalry becomes the driving force which propels them to great heights of success. The same thing is true for a woman. They are driven to mate with the best available man at a biological level. I am not saying woman are strictly beasts, but rather this is a biological driving force which they choose to either obey or not. The same concept is played out time and time again in animal herds and packs where the females compete for the attention of the best male, and in many cases physically beating away the competition. Jealousy plays upon this rivalry.
So am I suggesting overt manipulation? Maybe, but the reality is there is a biological instinct in every one of us. If you are not making the case to your wife’s hamster that you are the dominate male someone else will. If your wife notices other women flirting with you, it will remind them that you are a valuable catch, and when you go home, they remember that you chose them. Their hamster also spins the wheel considering Maxims VII and XVI. If you encourage the flirting of other women with you, it may even cause your wife to act out in a turf protective manner. Here is where I kill the sports analogy: Just like a competition on the court of rivals increases the male competitors skills, athletic prowess, and love for the game in the same way a woman’s competition will spur her on to pursue you all the more.
As I look back on my failed marriage, I did the exact opposite of what Game recommends. I discouraged flirting in front of my wife, and ignored flirting when she was not around. I had a big white-knighting complex. During one particularly silly s-test my wife accused me of flirting with my brother's fiancée. I failed miserably. I denied up and down the accusation, also tried the standard appeal to logic (uber fail). That s-test kept coming back and hitting me in the forehead for the three years that lead up to our divorce. Knowing what I know now the response would have been much different. In reality she was begging me to man up and tell her to quit the BS.
So learn from my mistake, flirt, flirt and then flirt some more, with your waitress, with the punk teen scanning your groceries, and tease your nieces at family events. Tell your wife about the lady at work who baked you muffins. Show your wife know you are a desired commodity, and enjoy the ensuing fireworks. Be warned, if you flirt, you will be s-tested. Be prepared.
-DJ
~ archived since 2018 ~
