SSH in the workplace

I'd posted this at VP, but it occurred to me that it belonged here, for the record. SSH = Socio-Sexual Hierarchy.

One of the challenges of running any organization, be it professional or volunteer, is dealing with the quirks of its various members, most of which are based on their socio-sexual status. Alphas are going to have inappropriate affairs, Betas are going to get promoted over their heads, Lambdas are going to talk relentlessly, and inappropriately, about their personal predilections and social lives, Gammas are going to preen, posture, pout, and occasionally sabotage projects and people, Sigmas are going to create the occasional intra-organizational upheaval, for good or ill, and Omegas are going to get themselves accused of sexual harassment.

That's all normal. You have to expect it as long as you're going to work with human beings. The key is learning to anticipate the problems and head them off at the pass.

Don't let the Alpha hire a hot secretary, or at the very least, be sure she isn't a married woman. Keep the Beta in a well-paid supporting position and give him a young subordinate Alpha to help him make decisions and don't promote him over his head.

Put the Lambda near the women where he'll entertain them. Try to steer the Sigma's idiosyncracies in a direction where he'll help the organization rather than harm it; they make great leaders of skunk works and horrendously bad middle managers. Give the Gammas tasks that flatter their egos, shield them from any criticism that isn't absolutely necessary, and keep them far away from any managerial responsibilities. Stash the Omegas where they can't creep out the women.

Most importantly, keep everyone out of the way of the Deltas who actually do most of the meaningful work. Remember, if they're not actively assisting the Deltas, they're obstructing them. This goes for the women too.