Repeated rejection is making me numb. Like a tech support monkey taking his thousandth call, with every approach or interaction I care less about the outcome. Familiarity breeds . . . boredom. Girls are becoming predictable. I make a mistake and like clockwork her interest wanes, I say the right thing and it increases, but I am not surprised. I mark it down as a moment to review later and I continue. In cold approaches this happens very quickly, usually within the first few minutes. Cold approaches are the equivalent of the hard setting on a video game: the cost of a mistake is higher, but after playing long enough, lowering the difficulty makes the game incredibly easy. Like a video game I cannot blame my opponent, she is running on the only program she knows. I am increasingly detached. Mistakes are not something to feel bad about, merely something to learn from. The more I learn the more I become cold and calculating about my actions. Unfortunately I now have more success than ever. Failure I can deal with, but success is completely different. An omega chasing girls is like a dog chasing cars: he wouldn't know what to do with one if he ever caught it. I am so close to catching one I am suddenly wondering what I got myself into. Recently, I lowered the difficulty on the game by practicing on girls in my acquaintance. This has made the game ridiculously easy. With a cold approach there is very little margin for error. With these girls the margin is huge. I can screw up and try later. I can work a target for weeks. Because of this I now have a girl actively pursuing me. She is asking to spend time with me and broadcasting (heh) her interest like a bull horn. I like it, but I now have a challenge I did not expect: neediness. Getting this close to success is like cooking food in front of a starving man. After years of indifference I no longer cared if I had a girl friend. The beast was asleep. Now it takes all my self-control to not start the meal before it is done cooking. At this point I simply need to stay the course: stay aloof, engage in push-pull, maintain frame. I am going to ask her on a date very soon. If it is successful I will be in uncharted waters: a relationship with a girl who is interested in me.
~ archived since 2018 ~
