The other day, I was thinking about online dating. How it has completely transfigured the game. How it has enforced a repulsive laziness, a sure risk aversion in men that is eventually a terrible disservice to their capability. I figured this rightfully deserves to be a theme of discourse. Much to our detriment, it has falsified and deceived the youth, it talked them out of voluntary confrontation, it afforded them an out from the pangs of rejection, it diminished their bravery, it tampered with their vigour, and like obtuse sloths, it turned them into loafing snowflakes, unwilling to step beyond their accustomed confines.
Online dating has made it easier than ever, almost to a disgustingly unchallenging extent, to meet women and, should you be burning for it, sleep with them. It has, in numerous subtle ways, perverted our reward centres and comfortably helped us down the path of least resistance, where rejection is slight, and physical contact is absent at the outset. In a matter of a few minutes, you can swipe a great multitude of women, potentially match with them, and if you’re sufficiently quick-witted and well proportioned, meet them shortly after. And mind you, you’re doing this on a phone with no foregoing investment from your end. That means if you’re refused or disregarded by a woman, you don’t really suffer a cruel blow – certainly not as cruel as the prick of real rejection – and can swiftly move on to another. If one declines, you move to another, rinse, repeat, so on and so forth. It’s all well and good, you have this vast admission to meet women of all shapes, sizes, and complexions – most of which are vaguely beautiful with a haughty character – to gratify your uncontrollable lust. Because any man in his right mind knows that no gracious woman with the promising potential to be his own will be found swiping the interminable galleries of tinder. And if we were truthful with ourselves, we would understand full well that if she were reasonable and deserving, she would have better things to do than waste her time throwing herself to a raft of men and engaging in wild licence, or amass great attention to momentarily die down her insecurities.
Anyhow, the point is this: in spite of its painless convenience, it has enfeebled man more than it has hardened him. Not to mention the displeasing truth that underlies these crude dating apps. If you’re an unattractive man with neither looks nor stature, you’re almost instantly ruled out, because you’re competing with men who are older, more handsome, more powerful and generally more competent and appealing than yourself. And discouraging though it be, it is not as pleasurable as you think – and certainly not for long – for the men who are dominating the online dating game. Their options become so vast, that there’s hardly an obstacle to be overcome anymore, there is no pursuing, no lingering uncertainty, no potential rejection.
You may despise all these so-called hindrances because they demand confrontation with consequences, but when you extinguish them from the game, the game no longer grips you, it’s not an adventure, it becomes a foreseeable transaction – one that is unbelievably transient, superficial and driven purely by carnality. Anyone who uses these dating apps knows one thing for a fact, even if they don’t admit it to themselves [especially women]: everyone is looking for a quick fuck, get it over and done with, and move on to whoever is next in line. There is no passion, sentiment, depth or intensity, there is merely the intercourse and the short and repetitious overture that comes before it. The shallowness typical of modern dating is regrettable and shameful. But beyond that, it is a barbaric fraud, in that it deceives man into believing that because a great many women find him desirable, and grant him the choice of intercourse, he has arrived at the summit. This couldn’t be further from the truth, for when such an endeavour is wallowed in and quenched, what remains of man is not the quintessence that governs his soul, but the vain residue of an unscrupulous mind that has been impoverished by incessant gratification.
Some of these men, far from being dull, do sense a latent strife, despair and attachment, what started off as an excursion for entertaining pleasure, has turned into an urgent craving that could never be gratified, subsequently casting a gloom on their very being. It is natural and unsurprising for the common man to be inclined to envy and a certain self-loathing, when he discovers that a small minority of men are man-handling all the women, leaving the lesser scraps to everyone else. However, you should not make that hasty supposition that many a degrading man does not suffer the tedium of ease, the deprivation of challenge, the lack of pursuit that accompanies the unrestricted abundance of online dating. One need no longer step out the door and lay himself bare to the possibility of sharp rejection, he need not learn the beautiful subtlety that charms and disarms a delicate woman. He no longer gets to revel in the scuffle that sweetens that culminating pleasure – at the back of his mind, he knows he can get to the same end without sparing an effort.
Once more, if such a man had his desires straightened and his integrity unharmed, he would not only shun the idea of convenience for the sake of gratifying sexual passion, but also the readiness to make love to depravity, to shallowness, to filth, to the most towering and foul vanity. The women who he previously slept with for mere ephemeral pleasure would no longer be agreeable to his taste and would, in all likelihood, incite a kind of distaste and revulsion inside him that was previously lacking. It is profoundly disappointing to see vigorous men lose their edge, even despise it, because of their freedom from hardship. Through the ease of technology, we have turned unproductively idle, and to a remarkable degree, vainly soft and fearful.
Without a question, apps like tinder are made primarily for women, and only secondarily for a small minority of attractive men. At her disposal and comfort, a woman could swipe a couple dozen men a day and have the unreserved choice to meet most of them, with the vast majority of them following through. And let us not forget the profusion of corrupting and detrimental validation she receives on the daily; and then one wonders why such women have grown so relentlessly immodest, arrogant, vulgar. How can she not? She is interminably lied to and flattered, both about her physical beauty and her inherent character. It is not so much the so-called ‘assholes’, for a lack of a better word, that arouse a contemptible vulgarity and cruelty in women, but the hateful hoard of submissive, spine-bending men who not only shower her with unthoughtful compliments, but deceive her with foolish lies to lure her in bed.
Nothing is more despicable than the vulgar woman and the spineless man. When they collide, both of them are defeated, neither comes out on top. Vulgarity is a divergence in women, but so is that spineless timidity, that cowardly ignorance in men. Culture, however, has managed to deceive both; on the one hand, women think they’re rightly free spirits because everyone spurs on their revolting liberalism; on the other, men have become emotional wrecks devoid of both honour and stoicism. Encouraged to emulate effeminate ways, they surrendered authority and adopted the attitude of compliance, of domestication, of unintelligent transparency. They have, as a matter of fact, been stripped of their wit and ingenuity.
In general, I truly believe that online dating has, above all else, greased our palms, as it were, and left us smeared with a kind of miserable perversity, a silent loneliness, a disparaging unhappiness. All the ancient sages understood the fierce pull of sexual passion, the ills of indulgence, but they too instructed us in how to shun its lures to preserve soundness of mind. But many a man, as it seems, has turned stone deaf to the perennial wisdom of the ages – be it by ignorance or lack of education – and instead concerns himself with everyday conventions, which always tend to be diluted, indifferent to the truth, and embellished with a great many pieces of fiction.
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