Buzzfeed recently released a video called â36 Questions Women Have For Men” that caused quite a stir. The more women understand men, the more I get laid, so Iâm only too happy to help these gals out. As always, I’m here to do my part to further female education.
1. How does it feel to be the same sex as Donald Trump?
It feels awesome. Being a man is so much easier than being in a woman, in just about every way. The crap you guys have to deal with is insane.
2. Why do you hate rom coms?
1. They all have boring characters.
2. They all tell the same story with the same characters.
3. The female leads always have small boobs and are too skinny.
4. They never have any violence or explosions.
3. Why do you make women sit around and talk about men in movies when you all will easily sit around and talk about boobs for hours?
1. Because women talking about men is what female viewers like to watch.
2. Men donât talk about boobs for hours. We just make one or two comments about it, chuckle, and get back to work. Itâs you women who talk about things like boobs for hours.
4. Why do you automatically assume that you wonât like TV shows or movies that star a female lead?
See the answer to question number 2.
5. Why are you surprised when women are funny?
Because women usually arenât as funny as men. By the way, most women agree with this.
6. Why do you think weâre obsessed with you when we hook up?
Ah, youâre talking about men who keep bugging you after you have sex the first time. Those men are called âbeta malesâ who get oneitis very fast. Sometimes another type of man does this, called âAlpha Male 1.0â who assume they own you once they have sex with you. Iâm whatâs called an âAlpha Male 2.0,â which means the day after I hook up with you Iâm either busy working on my Mission or Iâm hooking up with another woman who is younger and hotter than you. Therefore, I wonât be bothering you at all, beyond maybe a single text a few days later.
7. Why canât I sleep with as many people as I want without being judged? When men do it, theyâre congratulated.
This is not the 1980s anymore, so men are not congratulated when they do this. Theyâre called immature, shallow, pigs, misogynists, players (with a negative connotation, not a positive one), and even rapists.
8. Why do you consider a woman a tease if she doesnât sleep with you after three dates, but a slut if she sleeps with you on the first date?
Iâm the opposite of a slut-shamer, so I donât think sheâs a slut if she sleeps with me on the first date. Instead I think sheâs wonderful and she instantly becomes a candidate for a long-term (though nonmonogamous) relationship. I wish more women were like her, particularly those over age 33.
A woman who still doesnât want to sleep with me past the third date (and weâre speaking hypothetically here, since I would never take a woman out on a fourth date if some sexual activity had not occurred by then), is not a tease. Rather, she is an abuser and a time waster. Just imagine if the roles were reversed and see how youâd feel. A guy says to a girl, âTake me out on four dates and by me dinner and drinks, and if I still like you by then maybe Iâll buy you something.â
9. In what world does no mean yes?
In sexual scenarios, a hard no from a woman does indeed mean no. But coy or casual no from a woman means âkeep nicely trying several more times and then Iâll say yes.â Youâre mashing together the hard no’s with the casual/coy no’s, and you know damn well those are two different things. You cause all kinds of problems by doing this. I explain this in detail here.
10. Why do you say women are too emotional to be leaders then justify catcalling by saying that men canât control themselves?
Weâre not the ones saying women shouldnât be leaders. You women are.
11. Why do you think that just because youâre nice to me, I owe you my body?
Why do you think that just because you have sex with me, I owe you my wallet?
12. Why would you ever send an unsolicited dick pic?
Iâve never done this because Iâm rational, but other men do it because of something called gender myopia. I describe it here. You women do the exact same then when you brag about how strong or sassy or educated you are in your online dating profiles. Itâs just as stupid as when guys send dick pics (and just as effective at attracting members of the opposite sex).
13. Why do you think its okay to harass women or make offensive comments about women, but when someone does it to your sister itâs not okay?
That depends on whether or not my sister deserves it. If sheâs being a dumbass, maybe she does. I would say the same thing about my own daughter or my mother, because I would say the same thing about my brothers or my dad. In other words, if someone is being taken down a peg verbally, I don’t look at their gender; I look at their words and actions.
14. How does it feel to interrupt me when Iâm making a point during a meeting?
It feels great because you were getting off topic and I need to wrap this meeting up so I can get back to work.
15. Why do you have to sit with your legs so wide open?
Why does it bother you so much to see men sit comfortably? Donât you have anything more important to concern yourself with? If the position in which men sit is this disturbing to you, you have some very serious life problems and probably need to seek professional help.
16. Why are women perceived as the âweaker sexâ even though we literally give birth to you?
It’s not perception, it’s reality. Women are physically weaker than men on average. Itâs called biology.
17. Why is it so bad to show your emotions?
Itâs not whether you show your emotions, itâs when you show your emotions. I do it when its appropriate. You do it when itâs not.
18. Why are you always trying to prove your masculinity to me?
Why is my masculinity so threatening to you? Years ago you women used to like masculine men. Now masculinity bothers you. What changed?
19. Why the fuck isnât it ladylike to cuss?
I love it when women scream âFuck me!â Thatâs very ladylike in my book. Again, it’s about when you do it. Time and place, Kitten.
20. When did words get genders?
Circa early 1st century BC, when Latin first evolved. Itâs called grammatical gender.
21. Why is it your first instinct to doubt women who have been sexually violated or raped?
Itâs not my first instinct to doubt, but itâs also not my first instinct to believe. Based on our justice system, everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty, or at least are supposed to. ‘Proven’ means thereâs proof involved, not just an accusation. If I publicly accused you of sexually molesting a small child, would you want everyone to automatically assume I was right?
22. Why do you assume a woman is angry because sheâs on her period?
Why do you deny it when you are?
23. Why do you think women who wear makeup are false advertising?
Sweetie, you need makeup. Keep that shit on!
24. Why isnât it weird that thereâs a bunch of old white men sitting in a room making legislation about what I can and canât do with my body?
Because you elected those old white men despite people like me telling you not to for at least 25 years. These men are called âDemocratsâ and âRepublicans,â and both of these types of men pass utterly ridiculous laws all the time regarding your body (and mine!), yet every time an election comes around you keep voting for these bastards. Therefore, Iâm not sure why youâre complaining. Last time I checked, Bernie Sanders is an old white man, and many of you women are having orgasms trying to get this guy elected.
And by the way, why are you bringing âwhiteâ up in the question? What does race have to do with this? If it was a bunch old Asian men or old Mexican men sitting a room making laws about your body, would that make you feel better? Whatâs with the hate on whites, you racist?
25. Why are straight guys so obsessed with lesbians?
They give good sex advice. They know your pussy better than you do.
26. How does it feel to get kicked in the balls?
As soon as it happens itâs not too bad. But about three seconds later, it feels sort of like someone is slowly pressing a white hot spoon into your crotch. I donât recommend it.
27. Do you ever get tired of trying to be manly all the time?
Again I ask, why are you so threatened by my masculinity? You women just canât handle a Strong, Intelligent, Independent Manâ¢.
28. Why are you so afraid of gender equality?
Itâs not the equality Iâm afraid of, itâs the corrupt, incompetent, authoritarian government putting a gun to my head enforcing whatever the those old white men you elected call ‘equality.’
29. Why do I deserve to be paid less than you?
Because:
1. I work longer hours than you on average.
2. I work more years of my life than you on average.
3. I do more dangerous work than you on average.
4. I choose higher paying industries, jobs, and fields than you on average.
5. I take less sick days than you on average.
6. When I have a child I donât take a âbreakâ in my career like you often do.
30. In what world does 77 cents equal a dollar?
It doesnât, but if you choose the same exact fields as me, the same exact jobs as me, work the exact same long hours, days, and years as me, then you make pretty much what I make. So whenever you want to work in the coal mines for 40 years straight without taking a break to have kids, you let me know.
31. In what world does 68 cents equal a dollar?
As above.
32. How is that fair?
Because no one should ever pay you the same to do less work than me just because youâre a girl. That would be sexism. And thatâs bad, right? Or is sexism okay when it benefits you and not me?
33. Why are you intimidated by a woman who makes more money than you?
I think thatâs great as long as that woman doesnât expect me to pay for dates. If she makes more money than me, why canât she pay? Hmmmmm?
34. Why are opinionated women seen as bitches, when opinionated men are seen as bosses?
You keep forgetting this is not the 1980s anymore. Opinionated men are not seen as bosses, theyâre seen as assholes. I happen to be one of these men, and trust me, Iâve been called âassholeâ way more often than Iâve been called âboss.â
35. Why arenât you speaking up when you hear your male friends behind closed doors make jokes that are offensive to women?
How can something be offensive to you if you never hear it? Anyway, one blonde says to the other, âIâve slept with a Brazilian.â The other blonde says, âOMG! How many is that?â
36. Why are you so afraid of recognizing your own privilege?
Oh, my love, you’re talking to the wrong guy. I fucking love my privilege and think itâs great. Iâm a high-income, white, American, heterosexual man. I wield my âprivilegeâ like you wouldnât imagine to get what I want, just like you wield your cleavage and eyelashes to get what you want. Hell, if you added âChristianâ and âoldâ to my status, Iâd pretty much rule the Earth. I canât wait to be an old white man so you can vote for me and I can make laws about your body. See you in a few decades!
~ archived since 2018 ~
