Facial Hair: Part 2

Guess what the most popular post is on this blog in terms of new organic Google searches?

It’s this post right here on facial hair.

I shit you not.  There are days that one post alone is responsible for 15% to 20% of all new traffic.  Amazing.

Clearly this is something men would like to know more about.  Today I’ll address some facial hair issues I neglected to in the first post, specifically in terms of using it to attract women.

I stated in the first post that if you have facial hair, most women will be more attracted to you assuming all other factors remain equal.  That means unless you’re:

A) already a super good-looking male “ten”

or

B) married and monogamous and have completely given up on your sexuality

…then you need to have some facial hair.  You don’t need it all of the time, but you do want it when sarging or going out on first and second dates with new women.  Just having some good, well groomed facial hair will raise your odds of success with women, at least a little.

Here then is a step-by-step system to ensure your facial hair works to maximum success:

Step 1 – Determine the facial hair that works best for your persona.

Your facial hair MUST match A) who you are, and B) the type of woman you are wanting to attract.  I talked about this somewhat in the first post, but I want to clarify it here.  The goal is not to just have facial hair that looks cool, but facial hair that looks cool ON YOU.  There’s a difference.

Take Jeff here for example:

This facial hair style is called a Vandyke.  It looks good on him.  But he’s an older guy with long hair.  If you’re a younger guy with shorter hair, this would look terrible…unless you’re a true blue hippy dude who likes to fuck hippy chicks, then it might look great.  I see a lot of guys screw this up…they have facial hair that’s a complete mismatch with the rest of their persona and look.  It always comes off as odd-looking.

See my point here?

Let’s take me.  I’m a middle-aged classy type.  I want facial hair because women like it. But I don’t want a lot of facial hair because I want to maintain a clean look.   Big strong sideburns would be my first choice, but I can’t grow sideburns, so that’s out (we’ll address sideburns in a minute).  I also want to be able to shave it off fast if I need to (like for important business meetings for photographs), and regrow it fast.  So I choose a very shaved down goatee, as demonstrated by the Fresh Prince here:

By the way, I should make it clear that although my name is Blackdragon, I am a white guy.  Very white.  It just happens that a shaved down goatee happens to be very popular with the black dudes.  And me.  (Yeah, I like women with big asses, but that’s where most the similarities between me and the black guys end.)

There are many variations of the shaved-down goatee, like with Mr. Daughtry over here, who’s combined it with a soul patch:

Not my style at all, but it really sells him well and pronounces his individuality.  Again, it works for HIM.

You can do anything you want with a goatee, with one exception, and that’s this:

I like Colin Farrell a lot.  He plays Alpha characters well and seems very Alpha in real life when most famous pretty-boy celebs are hardcore beta males.  But see how he has a full goatee and has NOT shaved the rest of his face? Don’t do that.  If you sport a goatee or any variation of it, make sure the rest of your face is clean-shaven.  Having a goatee with other scruff all over your face looks terrible and few women will like it.

“Well Colin Farrell does it!” Yes he does, but he’s Colin Farrell and you’re not.  Just like how Brad Pitt often grows a hobo-lookin’ beard.  He’s frickin’ Brad Pitt.  If you’re ultra good-looking already, you can break some of the rules.  But I’m pretty sure you aren’t a male ten.

Let me be clear, having an even amount of scruff all over your face without it concentrated as a goatee is good. There are examples of that the first facial hair post.

Bottom line, choose a style that works well for you as a man and your target market of women.

Step 2 – Do NOT try to grow facial hair you can’t grow.

In this pic, take your eyes off Angelina for a minute and a look at James McAvoy from the movie Wanted:

See, some Hollywood fashion designer said “Sideburns are in!  Our leading man must have them!”, so the director told James, “Grow some sideburns asshole!”  James said “But…I really can’t grow them…” and the director said “Shut the fuck up and grow them!  We’ll fix it in post!  Or something,” and James responded, “Ooooookaaaaay.  You asked for it.”

The result was the weakest sideburns you’ve ever seen.  His sideburns are fluffy, light, and sparse.  In other words, they’re horrible.  I noticed this when I was watching this movie.  Why did I notice it?  Because that’s exactly what my sideburns look like when I try to grow them.  They look terrible.  Sideburns SHOULD look like this:

Now those are some god damn sideburns.  If you can grow ’em like that, grow ’em.  They’re a mascuine gender cue and look great.  But if your sideburns are pussies like mine and James McAvoy’s, forget the sideburns and focus on some other area of your face where you can actually grow hair.  Don’t try to grow something just because they look cool on some other guy.

I’m not talking about just sideburns; I’m talking about anywhere on your face you can’t grow hair.  Some of you guys can’t grow hair on your chin.  You end up looking like a weirdo if you try.  So don’t try.  Identify the areas on your face where the hair grows nice and thick, and focus on THAT.

A recurring theme here is good facial hair looks good, but bad facial hair looks worse than no facial hair at all.  Don’t push the envelope if you can’t grow it.

Step 3 – Darken Your facial hair, especially if you’re under the age of 50.

Once you’ve figured out what looks good and what you can grow, grow it.  Then run down to the store and pick up some Just for Men facial hair dye.  It might look gay, but trust me, this shit is awesome.  You just mix it and slap it on right before you take a shower.

When you step out, your facial hair will look incredible.  It lasts about a week (depending on how often you shave and/or wash your facial hair) and about seven bucks will provide many, many applications.  It’s some of the best money you can spend in terms of improving your appearance.

There are many colors available and of course you need to get the right one.  Two general rules of thumb regarding facial hair color are:

1. You want your facial hair to match your head hair and your eyebrows as much as possible.  Not only the color, but the darkness and shade.  (The only exception to this is if you’re purposely trying to look punkass or counter-culture like Guy Fieri.  Even then, you’d better know exactly what you’re doing in terms of style and fashion. Otherwise, follow this rule.)

2. You do not want any grey in your facial hair unless you are 50+.  Even then, the grey must only be in there as part of a pre-planned look.  Remember, everything about your look must be there on purpose because you’ve chosen to look that way.  Lazy guys don’t get laid.

So if you have grey in your facial hair and want to attract women, dye it outta there.  If you’re over the age of 50, only keep the grey on your face if it’s congruent with the look you’re trying to convey.  Perhaps it is.  Perhaps it isn’t.

Step 4 – Don’t forget your eyebrows.

Think of the classic “hot guys”, both now and from recent history.  Tom Cruise.  Mel Gibson.  Tom Selleck.  Rob Lowe.  Colin Farrell.  John Travolta.  What do these guys all have in common?  Dark, thick eyebrows.  Dark, thick eyebrows are a masculine trait and are attractive to women.  If you have light eyebrows or have an eyebrow color that mismatches your head hair or facial hair, use the Just For Men dye and match and/or darken them.  You will be surprised at how much better you look.

If you have extremely sparse eyebrows, i.e. ones you can barely see, that’s a real problem and I strongly suggest you consider addressing it.  There are surgical options, makeup options, and even Ron Paul’s now infamous “eyebrow wigs”.  Whatever.  I can’t advise you on specifics but I would suggest you do your own research and address it if you have eyebrows that are very wispy or almost nonexistent.  You will look far better to women.

Have fun experimenting with your new facial hair!