That is not an OLTR. That is a dysfunctional open relationship.
Iâm serious, folks. Every time I have seen this happen in an open relationship, the person was treating a side-lover as more than just a FB. And so of course, feelings grew, and the open relationship either ended or was severely damaged.
All you have to do to protect yourself from this problem is establish the clear behavioral parameters regarding FBâs on the side, and make these clearly understood before the OLTR relationship ever begins (this is part of the OLTR Talk, something I will discuss later). This also means that youâve been dating this person as a MLTR for at least six months (if not longer) so you know that A) sheâs the kind of woman who understands these rules and B) sheâs the kind of woman who will do what she promises, or at least has higher odds of doing so.
This usually brings up the excuse question of, âWell what if she/he promises to do those things, and then violates them behind your back anyway? You canât trust someone to do what they promise!â
This goes back to excuse #3 right here. If you canât trust someone, you would never put them in an OLTR relationship with you in the first place. You would only pursue an OLTR relationship with someone youâve known and dated for a very long time, and who has a long track record of clearly demonstrating and earning your trust. If you get into a serious relationship (monogamous or not; doesnât matter) with someone you donât trust, then with all due respect, youâre a fucking idiot. Trust is earned first, serious relationshippy stuff comes second. I realize Societal Programming teaches the other way around, but as usual, Societal Programming is wrong.
There have been many women in my past who wanted to get into OLTR relationships with me, marry me, move in with me, etc, who I said no to. The main reason was because they hadnât earned my trust, so I politely said no to the OLTR and kept seeing them as a MLTR. See how this works? It’s very simple.
I challenge you on this. Go back through and think of an example where you saw or heard of a couple in an open relationship or marriage, and one of them fell in love (or caught feelings) for one of their side-lovers, and they left their original partner for this new person (or they didn’t but it caused major strife in the relationship). If you think through the scenario, I promise you that person was violating the ruleset of an OLTR, and treating their side-FB as something more than a side-FB.
This problem occurs not because open relationships donât work, but because most people in open relationships do it wrong. Since Societal Programming doesnât teach or model open relationships for normal, everyday people, this is not surprising.
Thatâs why I am here; to help teach you the right way to do these things.