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Open Relationships: Won’t He / She Fall In Love With Someone Else?

BlackDragon
November 9, 2017

It is the biggest fear people have about serious, nonmonogamous relationships. Itâs one of the biggest excuses people make. Even people who admit that monogamy doesnât work experience a lot of fear and angst about this.

I mean hey, Suzi and Don had an open relationship, and Suzi eventually fell in love with one of her side-guys and left Don. Itâs happened to celebrities too. And I read such-and-such book about open relationships and it said that it happens all the time. So, damn. Maybe I should just go monogamous. I donât want the love of my life leaving me for someone else they have sex with!!! Itâs just too risky. Yeah, monogamy sucks and doesnât really work, but at least my odds are better in  terms of hanging on to my sweetie⦠right?

Wrong.

I shall explain why.

This gets back to the specific definition of OLTR, and why there are specific rules and parameters around the OLTR. An OLTR is not just an open relationship – itâs an open relationship with safeguards in place to specifically prevent the problem everyone is worried about; that of your lover leaving you for one of his/her side-people.

As Iâve explained many times, both here and in my books, in an OLTR relationship, side-women are only allowed to be FBâs and nothing more. That means you can have sex with women on the side, but you canât date or get emotionally intimate with these people.

This differs from a MLTR, where you are allowed to get as emotionally intimate with other people as you like, i.e. you can have multiple MLTRâs and get as romantic and loving with them as you want.

As most of you know, Iâm currently in an OLTR with Pink Firefly. This means I can have sex with FBâs on the side, and do all the time. She is also allowed to have men on the side as FBâs if she wishes. However, there is a very strict set of limitations for how we behave with these people. These limitations are so important that itâs likely our entire relationship would end if any of them were violated. Thatâs how serious we are about these limitations… and that’s exactly how an OLTR should be. Otherwise, you should just have MLTR‘s.

Since my side-women are all FBâs, I can have sex with them, and I can talk to them a little bit as friends, but thatâs literally all I can do (unless Pink Firefly specifically asks me to do more with them, and that has happened, but thatâs both an exception to the rule and beyond the scope of this article).

This means I do not:

  • Spend the night with my FBâs.
  • Spend any degree of nonsexual time with my FBâs.
  • Have long, deep, intimate talks with my FBâs.
  • Take my FBâs out on dates of any kind.
  • Call my FBâs whenever Iâve had a bad day.
  • Go on trips with my FBâs.
  • Spend any time with my FBâs whatsoever unless weâre having sex or having a reasonably brief, friendly conversation right before or right after sex.

As you can see, if a man or a woman in an OLTR is operating under such a strict set of conditions with these people, it makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to create an environment where more romantic feelings will occur in the first place.

Letâs take the opposite scenario and examine how most people do open relationships. They basically sit down and declare that the relationship is emotionally exclusive, but sexually open. Iâm only going to love you and youâre only going to love me, but we can both have sex with other people on the side if we want. So far, so good. Thatâs standard OLTR stuff.

However, unlike an OLTR, they donât set a clear and rigid set of standards for how people behave with side-people. Oh sure, women in OLTRâs will usually throw out a few rules to the guy about how heâd better wear a condom with these girls, and how heâd better not buy them gifts, and some general statements how heâd better not fall in love with anyone else, but these rules arenât good enough. Theyâre not clear or specific enough. They leave too much room for feelings to fester and grow with side-people.

In every open relationship I have ever seen or heard about where one person started getting feelings for a side-lover, they clearly and blatantly violated the rules of an OLTR. The person not only had sex with a side-lover, but he/she also spent time with that person. They went out on dates. And/or they went on trips together. And/or they had long, intimate phone calls. And/or would spend entire days together. And/or they spent the night with each other occasionally.

That is not an OLTR. That is a dysfunctional open relationship.

Iâm serious, folks. Every time I have seen this happen in an open relationship, the person was treating a side-lover as more than just a FB. And so of course, feelings grew, and the open relationship either ended or was severely damaged.

All you have to do to protect yourself from this problem is establish the clear behavioral parameters regarding FBâs on the side, and make these clearly understood before the OLTR relationship ever begins (this is part of the OLTR Talk, something I will discuss later). This also means that youâve been dating this person as a MLTR for at least six months (if not longer) so you know that A) sheâs the kind of woman who understands these rules and B) sheâs the kind of woman who will do what she promises, or at least has higher odds of doing so.

This usually brings up the excuse question of, âWell what if she/he promises to do those things, and then violates them behind your back anyway? You canât trust someone to do what they promise!â

This goes back to excuse #3 right here. If you canât trust someone, you would never put them in an OLTR relationship with you in the first place. You would only pursue an OLTR relationship with someone youâve known and dated for a very long time, and who has a long track record of clearly demonstrating and earning your trust. If you get into a serious relationship (monogamous or not; doesnât matter) with someone you donât trust, then with all due respect, youâre a fucking idiot. Trust is earned first, serious relationshippy stuff comes second. I realize Societal Programming teaches the other way around, but as usual, Societal Programming is wrong.

There have been many women in my past who wanted to get into OLTR relationships with me, marry me, move in with me, etc, who I said no to. The main reason was because they hadnât earned my trust, so I politely said no to the OLTR and kept seeing them as a MLTR. See how this works? It’s very simple.

I challenge you on this. Go back through and think of an example where you saw or heard of a couple in an open relationship or marriage, and one of them fell in love (or caught feelings) for one of their side-lovers, and they left their original partner for this new person (or they didn’t but it caused major strife in the relationship). If you think through the scenario, I promise you that person was violating the ruleset of an OLTR, and treating their side-FB as something more than a side-FB.

This problem occurs not because open relationships donât work, but because most people in open relationships do it wrong. Since Societal Programming doesnât teach or model open relationships for normal, everyday people, this is not surprising.

Thatâs why I am here; to help teach you the right way to do these things.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Caleb Jones.

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Post Information
Title Open Relationships: Won’t He / She Fall In Love With Someone Else?
Author BlackDragon
Date November 9, 2017 1:00 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Blog Caleb Jones
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Caleb-Jones/open-relationships-wonat-he-she-fall-in-love-with.22965
https://theredarchive.com/blog/22965
Original Link https://blackdragonblog.com/2017/11/09/open-relationships-wont-fall-love-someone-else/
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