Sexual success with women is a numbers game. There is no getting around this unless your name is George Clooney. (Man, itâs going to be sooooo fun when he gets divorced⦠Gotta wait for Jay Z to get divorced first though.)
I have seen a lot of guys execute the numbers game incorrectly and from several different angles. But before I get into what guys do wrong, Iâll explain what you should do.
The proper numbers game means youâre doing the following four things:
1. Youâre contacting / opening a large number of women. With night game and daygame that means youâre opening huge numbers of women, well into the hundreds. With online dating that means youâre doing thousands of swipes and/or hundreds of openers. With social circle game that means you are constantly meeting new women through your social circle which you are actively expanding all the time (rather than just trying to have sex with those two or three cute girls you happen to know).
2. Youâre putting in these numbers over a long period of time. You donât just hit it hard for three months, then get laid or get a girlfriend and then stop. Thatâs not putting in the numbers.
3. Youâre actually tracking your activities and results, at least to some degree.
4. You are constantly modifying your approach and techniques to optimize your results, rather than just doing the same exact thing over and over again (unless doing the same thing over and over again is getting you to fast sex with a decent number of attractive women, and is doing so on a consistent and reliable basis, but this is unlikely to be the case unless youâve been at this for many years).
If youâre not doing all four of these things, youâre doing it wrong. It means that you are not going to get the long-term results that you want. Your results will either be crappy, or they will be good but only good sporadically.
This doesnât mean you need to put in the numbers like this forever. Eventually, if youâre doing all four of those things, your woman life will be in a place where putting in a massive amount of numbers will no longer be required. I put in an assload of numbers for many years. Today, my woman life, on a scale from one to ten, is an eleven, and I never need to put in a high degree of numbers. At least not today.
Iâll use my favorite Brian Tracy example of the pilot. In order to get a plane off the ground, you need to push it to 100% full throttle. You need to keep it there until you reach cruising altitude. Once you get there, something interesting happens: you can throttle back to just 5%, and the plane keeps flying. Youâre flying high on just 5% of the effort that it took to get you there.
Thatâs how dating skills work. A lot of guys push the throttle to 80% or 90%, hit it hard, but never get off the ground because theyâre not willing to go to 100%. After a time at 80-90%, they complain that dating is too hard, or that women are bitches, or that itâs hopeless because their SMV is too low, and just stop having sex or just settle for an average-looking monogamous girlfriend.
Letâs avoid that. Letâs get you off the ground so you can eventually throttle back to 5% and still be getting laid, with attractive women, pretty much whenever you want. Itâs a very good place to be.
The Things Guys Do Wrong
Here are the ways in which guys donât put in the numbers, or do it incorrectly.
The first group are guys who just… donât put in the numbers. Some of these guys are scared. Some are low-testosterone betas. Some guys are just lazy.
Other guys in this group get way too picky and try to find their Perfect Unicorn Woman and donât bother with any other women. Thatâs not putting in the numbers, and thatâs not the path to success.
The next group are guys who do put in the numbers and do it well. But they burn themselves out and eventually stop. Yet again, the symptom for this is either a long dry spell or a monogamous girlfriend (who is not your ideal). Either way, youâre settling, and settling wonât make you happy in the long-term.
I see this with a lot of guys in the PUA world. âDry spells,â going months without having any sex, is common for these guys. Then they eventually canât stand it, get back out there, get laid for a while, then have another dry spell.
Read my lips: I have not gone without sex for longer than 32 days at any time in the last 12 years. I donât have dry spells. My entire FB / MLTR / OLTR model protects me from those, but I also put in the numbers.
There were only two times I went exactly 32 days without sex in the last 12 years. One was way back in 2009 when a gigantic snow storm paralyzed my entire city and I was literally trapped in my house for over a week. Then it was Christmas season, which is a dead zone for women.
The second time was when I went on a month-long trip to Asia and Australia. I was so excited I didnât bother with getting laid but I did as soon as I got home. (Iâve had sex in Asia several times, just not on that particular trip.)
The next group are guys who put in the numbers and keep at it, but they donât track anything. If you ask them how well theyâre doing, they really donât know. They might get laid or they might not. If you ask them how many openers or dates it takes them to actually have sex with a new woman, they have no idea. They just guess.
As I constantly talk about with my business advice, what gets measured gets improved. What doesnât get measured usually never improves unless youâre lucky, and you canât emulate luck. A great way to spin your wheels for years on end without any real improvement is to never track what youâre doing.
That being said, Iâve seen guys go to the other extreme. They become spreadsheet nerds and track the fuck out of literally everything. Some of these guys have shown me their data and itâs hilarious. Pages and pages of all kinds of numbers and stats, like their second date ratio with women who have black hair (yes, Iâm serious). These guys spend more time on their god damn spreadsheets than they actually do out in the world with real women.
Please donât do that. You just need to track some basic numbers, such as:
- Openers (or contact closes) to dates ratio
- First dates to sex ratio
- Second dates to sex ratio
- How long it takes, in terms of face time, to get to sex with a new woman on average
You can track a few other things if you want, but those are the big ones.
The last category are guys who put in the numbers, work very hard, track everything, but never change what theyâre doing.
I remember one guy on the pick-up forums a few years ago in particular. He decided to get really good with daygame, and made a commitment to be an approach machine throughout the entire summer. He spent four months opening women just about every day and tracked everything religiously.
I forget his exact numbers, but he made something like 9,000 approaches⦠and only got to sex once, early on in the process. He laid out exactly what he did and asked for advice.
He worked hard, which was great. Hell, thatâs more than the vast majority of men reading these words will do. He tracked his numbers, which as also good. But the guy did the exact same thing 9,000 times over. Not once did it occur to him that he might be doing something wrong or ineffective, and that he might need to change what he was doing based on the shitty results he was getting.
Nope, he just plowed on, repeatedly doing something that clearly didnât work.
As Iâve talked about in my History Series, I spent 2007, 2008, and 2009 not only tracking everything I did but constantly modifying my approach. I tested new techniques. I experimented with stopping certain techniques (which sometimes worked better than introducing a new technique, like when I stopped kissing women on first dates).
As a result, I went from a clueless beta male divorced dad to really good at this stuff in less than two years. And today, my entire amazing woman life is mostly on autopilot. Iâm at that 5% throttle yet flying high, for the rest of my life. That investment in time ten years ago was well worth it.
So put in the numbers, donât stop, track your activities and results, and change your approach to constantly improve the results. After a period of time, you wonât need to bust your ass anymore, and the women will still come.
