Snow White – The Feminist Beta Male Version

I saw this “modern retelling of the classic tale” trailer the other day.  Let’s watch it and see if it really is modern…

Overt portrayal of pussified beta male characters, bordering on the homosexual?

Check.

Angry older woman jealous of more attractive younger woman?

Check.

“Strong, independent” woman looking for a man to marry to solve her financial problems?

Check.

Feminization of men, like making the male lead wear cute bunny ears?

Check.

Making men look stupid and women look smart?

Check.

Woman over 30 freaking out about her wrinkles?

Check.

Ensuring attractive little women use swords and are experts in hand-to-hand combat, easily vanquishing men double their size?

Check.

Having women rescue men instead of the other way around?  (And making a strong effort to point that out in the movie trailer to show how nuanced and modern we all are?)

Check.

Ensuring men are the butt of all the slapstick physical jokes?

Check.

Liberal white guilt and political correctness being shoved down our throats?  Like ensuring that at least one dwarf is black and one is Asian?

Check.

Yep!  This certainly is a “modern” retelling.  I can’t wait to see it!  I would LOVE my daughter to see this and be totally brainwashed by it.  She’ll be better off.

I can’t wait until we see the modern, sword-wielding version of Cinderella having sex with a bunch of wimpy guys to see which one will fit her pussy and therefore become her beta male husband.  Or the strong, defiant, intelligent, axe-wielding Sleeping Beauty shoving the bumbling homosexual prince out of the way and single-handedly killing evil queen after she turns into a dragon.

Awesome!

UPDATE:

Holy shit! Hollywood answered my prayers!  Apparently there’s ANOTHER “modern retelling” of Snow White coming out!  Right here –

Fuck yeah baby!  THIS Snow White not only wields a sword, but fights in wars and wears plate mail armor. Yeaaaaah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about!  Hopefully if they make the movie really modern and realistic, she’ll have huge muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger and whip out a gatling gun to mow down all those god damn male soldiers!

Thanks Hollywood!  You rock!