Subjective Attraction

Recently I had a first date which turned out to be a fascinating experience.

I wasn’t going to talk about this yet, but I’m currently running an experiment where I’m going on first/second dates with some over-33 women. It’s a long story and I’ll talk more about it in a few weeks/months when I’m done with it. In the midst of this, I had a first date with a woman in her late 30s at one of my usual fancy bars I use for first dates.

This woman was cute and young-looking, but not overly hot. I think most men would consider her a 7 or 7.5, perhaps others a 6. It’s possible some men over 40 might consider her as high as an 8. All looks are completely subjective of course, but looking at her as objectively as possible, I would probably say she was around the 7.0 range.

Yet, this woman was so strongly attractive to me, she drove me wild. I’m not kidding. I actually had to control myself at some points. As we sat on the couch and talked, my sexual attraction for her was overwhelming. I had this powerful desire to just throw her down and start having sex with her right then and there in front of everyone. I actually had to mentally remind myself to not compliment her appearance, not once, but several times over the course of the one-hour date. This is rare for me.

During all this, I thought to myself: “This woman isn’t even that hot! I’ve dated 9s and even a 10 or two in my day. I’ve dated women 20 years younger than her. This woman isn’t anywhere near these women in physical attractiveness. So why does she turn me on like this?”

It was interesting. I felt horny and turned on and frickn’ fantastic…and I didn’t even understand why.

After the date I took a few minutes and mentally sorted the reasons I was attracted to her despite her unspectacular appearance. I thought back to the theory that human beings tend to be attracted to their physical opposites, and that deep within our DNA is a “type” that represents our genetic opposite to whom we are more biologically attracted to, in order to ensure we create healthy, diverse children.

I’m no biologist so I’m not sure if that’s true or not, but the feelings I had on this first date certainly lent credence to it.

Here’s what I came up with as possible reasons for my attraction:

• She had very sharp, very feminine facial features. Small face, tiny jaw, tiny little nose. There’s some very powerful biology for us men at play when a woman has a face like that.

• She was not blonde, which tends to be my favorite, but her hair was light brown, very fair, and very fine. (I know, because I touched it, as I always do on first dates.) Like the rest of her, it was very delicate, very feminine.

• She had ridiculously beautiful eyes. I’m a huge sucker for women with nice eyes, especially if the eyes are dark and sparkly at the same time. This is exactly what she had; rich, deep brown eyes, my favorite, with a dancing fire underneath them. (For the record, my eyes are very blue. Is this why I’m always more attracted to women with brown eyes?)

• She was wearing makeup of course, but had very little of it. Just enough to make her look good, but no more. Too many women either wear not enough makeup or way too much. Makeup is a balance that’s difficult for a lot of women to nail. She nailed it. At least for me.

• She was very short…about 5’2″. I am very attracted to short, small women. (Conversely I have a big, football-player body. Coincidence?)

• She was wearing tight jeans and her legs were my favorite kind. It’s hard to describe my favorite type of legs on a woman…the easiest way I can explain is legs that are not fat, not muscular, and not skinny. In other words, perfectly shaped feminine legs that are a little squishy. That’s exactly the legs she had. It was hard to pull my eyes away from them.

• She had a big nice ass despite her small frame. Perfection. (To me.)

• She did not have big tits. I’d say she was a B-cup. This was a problem, because I like big breasts. But it didn’t detract from the overall experience. Generally I need a woman to have at least big boobs or a big ass. If she has one of the two and is pretty I will get over the fact she doesn’t have the other.

That covers her physical appearance. What about her non-physical attributes? Even if a woman is gorgeous, if she’s bitchy or demanding she’s going to turn me off fast. So this woman clearly had aspects that turned me on which had nothing to do with her physical appearance:

• She was very happy. She was smiling and laughing with me, and her laughs were real. They were not forced laughs, or “polite” laughs, or nervous laughs. She was real.

• This is one interesting. She said “fuck” and “shit” once or twice. Just once or twice. I’m not sure why, but I like that.  When a woman doesn’t cuss at all, it tends to give her a false, superior, almost academic air. Not good. On the other hand, if every other word out of a woman’s mouth is the f-word or the s-word, that’s a big turnoff too. She did it just right; swearing just enough to show that she was relaxed and a real person, but no more than that.

• She spoke in a very quiet, feminine, almost submissive tone. Very sexy. (Again, to me.)

• Greatest of all, she showed absolutely zero ASD. Usually I can detect this from women on a first date, especially with those over-33s. She had none, at least not on the first date. (Not surprisingly I did run into some on the second date.) We talked about sex in detail, and a few other similar topics, with complete ease and zero resistance. (Often the over-33’s get embarrassed or even offended when I talk about sex on a first date. I love ASD.)

• She showed absolutely zero hints of provider hunter. She showed no indication whatsoever that she was looking for a “gentleman” to take her out on a bunch of dinner dates and then swear loyalty to her for the honor of paying her bills. Not even one tiny drip of this, which considering her age was a wonderful breath of fresh air. (The irony is that this is the kind of woman I would consider having a serious relationship with and perhaps take care of financially…a woman who doesn’t ask for it, demand it, or expect it of me because I’m a “gentleman” or whatever.)

• When I asked about birth control she mentioned she had a Mirena IUD. Hallelujah praise the Lord! Whenever a woman tells me she has one of these, my attraction instantly boosts up a few notches. That means I can have some fun fun fun with her without worrying about a child support check in my future.

• She held strong, deep, positive eye contact.

• She was humble and self-deprecating. She told me several funny stories where she got into trouble and acted like an idiot, including one where she got drunk and puked all over a bar.

• Though this may be obvious by now, she was attracted to me. When I wrapped the date up at the one-hour mark (I had to go pick up one of my FBs), she didn’t want it to end. It was very clear she wanted to remain there with me and keep conversing. (But many women are into me during a first date, so that wasn’t the reason I was attracted. It was just yet another item on the list that “helped” her.)

I have had first dates where I was extremely attracted to the woman before, but when this happens it’s usually with women who were clearly 9s or 10s or similar, not one who could barely crack a 7. I think this was one of those odd confluence of events where everything she had lined up perfectly in her favor for me regardless of her objective appearance. Very interesting.

There’s an entire pet industry that’s based around making fun of the girlfriends, boyfriends, or spouses of famous figures. Sometimes people will be surprised when the see a photo and say, “Wow. She’s his girlfriend? Why is he with her? He could do so much better!” After this experience, I think I understand why. He’s attracted to something very subjective, something most others won’t see.

I know I’ll get this question in the comments, so to answer it, yes, we ended up having sex. Sadly, it took three dates (remember, she’s over 33), but it was still less than 6 hours meet-to-lay and I only spent a grand total of $28. Not bad over an over-33. Hopefully she’ll be a new MLTR, but we’ll see.

Next, you’re probably wondering if I have oneitis. No. I don’t get oneitis, ever. I can and do experience NRE at times, but that’s not oneitis. I will not “change” for this woman, and if I never see her ever again it would be totally fine. I have plenty of other high-quality women in my life. And I can always go get more. And so can you.

Subjective attraction. Very interesting.

And ah, if only all over-33 women were like this. What a wonderful world it would be…