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Superman 2 Movie – The Accurate Version

Blackdragon
August 5, 2012

This is an updated version of something I posted on the forums many years ago. It’s a humorous retelling of the the movie Superman 2 in the context of monogamy, marriage, open relationships, Alpha males, beta males, Needy Alphas, and irrational women. I have often used the analogy of Superman as a beta and Batman as an Alpha, with women like Lois Lane as typical shrews. Though I do give a Superman a few Needy Alpha traits in the story…even betas can be “Needy Alphaish” sometimes.

Superman gets hardcore oneitis for Lois Lane. He gives up his powers to be in a mono-LTR with her, but he really doesnât think that will be a big problem. He rationalizes he can still be âsuperâ even without his super powers. He has his powers removed and moves Lois into the Fortress of Solitude.

Lois is ecstatic. Sheâs always wanted Superman to lose his powers so she can move in and start bossing him around, and now sheâs finally getting what sheâs wanted all these years. Superman waxes emotional about all the love and sex heâs going to start getting, and Lois heads to the mall to buy some furniture to make the Fortress of Solitude a more âinviting and livableâ place.

A while later, the three evil Kryptonians attack New York City. Superman, thinking heâs still âsuperâ, tries to stop them, and they promptly kick his ass. Superman thinks âDamn, I shouldnât have given up my super powers. Now what am I going to do?â

Back at the Fortress of Solitude, Lois is on another long phone conversation with one of her girlfriends saying âYou know, I love him, but Iâm just not attracted to him since he lost his super powers. I mean, he was so hot when he could fly and throw cars down the street, but nowâ¦I donât knowâ¦heâs so boring! Ugh!â

Superman discovers, to his shock, Lois doesnât like to have sex as often as she once did. Sheâs also noticeably more bitchy and demanding. Superman has absolutely no idea why sheâs behaving this way. He tries to logically discuss this with Lois, but to his surprise that doesnât work either.

Finally he says âAw, fuck itâ, and starts a secret plan to somehow regain his powers and keep Lois as his LTR. He starts sneaking around, hiding stuff around his home, telling his friends to keep their big mouths shut, and goes to Gotham City to ask Batman for advice. Batman laughs in his face and says âJesus, Clark. Why the hell did you do that? That was really dumb. Now youâre fucked, dude! Anyway, I gotta go, Iâve got a threesome tonight with Kate Upton and Eva Mendes. Have fun jerking off tonight!â

Lois, meanwhile, has suddenly discovered how hot Green Lantern is. She starts thinking about him when she has sex with Superman (which is happening less and less) and when she uses her vibrator (which is happening more and more). She even sends Green Lantern a âHey, howâs it going?â email on Facebook.

Superman finally regains his powers, but feels guilty as hell about it. He still tries to hide this fact from Lois, but one day, right in front of her, he slips and falls face first on Loisâs new $5000 dining room table (purchased with Supermanâs credit card). The table cracks in half, Superman isnât hurt at all, the cat is out of the bag.

Lois unleashes Drama From Hell and lays into him. She screams at him for four hours (but only 5 minutes of movie time) about how every single problem in the relationship is his fault. Superman screams back at her, responding to all of her irrational points, wondering why sheâs not making any sense, and then ends up calling her a frigid bitch.

Lois moves out that evening. The $270,000 worth of furniture and fixtures (that Lois purchased with Supermanâs credit card) go with her. âI picked them out, so theyâre mine!â she screams. It makes complete, logical sense to her. Superman just throws his arms in the air and goes to the movies by himself to cool off.

The movie ends with creditors showing up to the Fortress of Solitude, slapping judgment liens on Superman for all the credit card bills Lois jacked up. Superman ignores them, and sends Lois the 432nd text to her phone saying âBaby, I love you. Please give me another chance, I promise I wonât ever do that again.â

The final scene in the movie is Lois Lane in her newly-furnished apartment, naked and bent over her couch (a $17,000 European leather model, purchased with Supermanâs credit card), getting fucked hard by Batman. He gives the camera a smile and a big thumbs-up as the screen fades to black.

Due to its accuracy, the movie would make so much money it would quickly spawn a sequel, which would go something like this:

After several weeks of sending Lois texts and leaving her sappy voice mails, Superman comes to the conclusion Lois isnât coming back. So he reluctantly goes out on a first date with Wonder Woman. While on their first date at TGI Fridays, Wonder Woman accidentally squeezes her huge boobs together, really showing off the cleavage, and Superman instantly falls in âloveâ. He doesnât try anything sexual or talk about anything sexual, so as to not lose her.

Ten minutes after the date is over, as Wonder Woman is flying home in her invisible jet, Superman sends her a text about how much fun the date was and how hot she is. He sends her 27 similar texts over the next 24 hours. Wonder Woman becomes all he can think about, and he crosses his fingers hoping that he wonât âscrew this upâ.

Meanwhile, Lois keeps getting her brains fucked out by Batman, and itâs the best sex sheâs had in her life. NRE rages within her. She tells all her friends about this ânew amazing guyâ and how heâs âunlike any guy sheâs ever datedâ and how often sheâs having orgasms. At the Daily Planet, Jimmy Olsen overhears Lois on these kinds of phone conversations and seethes with jealousy, vowing to kill Batman someday.

Superman goes on seven more dates with Wonder Woman with no sex. He doesnât want to âscrew this upâ so he âplays it on the safe sideâ. Finally, on date number eight, Wonder Woman finally puts out and they have sex, mostly because she feels sorry for Superman and she hasnât had sex in a while.

The very next morning Superman gives her the âSo, I think we should be exclusiveâ speech. Wonder Woman says âUhâ¦well, thatâs not really what I had in mind,â but Superman presses the issue. Wonder Woman suddenly realizes if she says yes, she can tell all her friends and family that she actually has a boyfriend, and can then change her Facebook status to âIn a relationshipâ. So she instantly agrees. Superman is ecstatic.

Meanwhile, Lois sends Batman a text saying âSo⦠Where is this going? I mean, what is this to you?â. Batman gets the text while getting a blowjob from Catwoman. While still getting blown he reads the text, checks the calendar, and says âYep, itâs been three months. Women are so predictable.â Catwoman pops his cock out of her mouth and says âWhat did you say?â Batman says âBitch, I didnât tell you to stop!â and shoves her head back on his bat-dick. As he cums in her mouth, he sends a text back to Lois saying âItâs going into a dark exciting tunnel, and itâs a throbbing freight train of power!â Lois is slightly angered by the response, but also strangely attractedâ¦

A while later, Superman sees a text on Wonder Womanâs phone. Itâs from Aquaman, and it just says âHey, whatâs up?â Superman is furious. He hurls the phone at her screaming âWho the fuck is THAT guy?â She responds, âJesus. Itâs just Aquaman, weâre just friends!â Superman screams âWhy the fuck is he texting you? Thatâs fuckinâ bullshit. He texts you one more time, Iâm gonna kick his ass. I donât want all these guys sending you texts and shit.â A long argument ensues.

The next day, Lois is bitching about Batman to Jimmy Olsen. She says âI mean, heâs the best sex Iâve ever had, and heâs the most amazing guy, you know? But heâs an asshole! When I start talking about my feelings for him he just makes a joke and slaps my ass (which I kinda like), but you know what I mean? And I just know heâs fucking other women…â Jimmy says âHeâs an asshole. He just wants to fuck you. He doesnât love you. BUT I DO.â

Lois is shocked. She says âWhat?â and he says, âYep. I truly love you, not just for your body like Batman, but your soul, Lois.â Jimmy is, of course, lying out his ass, but he continues, âIf you broke up with him and dated me, I would commit to 100% exclusivity, buy you anything you wanted, marry you, have as many kids you want, and do whatever you say.â For some strange reason she canât explain, Lois suddenly realizes she loves Jimmy.

She sends Batman a text saying âYou and I are really good for each other, and youâre an amazing guy, but I donât think weâre on the same page. Iâve found a man who loves me dearly and who I can really spend my life with, so I canât see you any more. Iâm truly sorry and realize itâs not you, itâs me.â Batman receives the text but ignores it because heâs in the middle of a threesome with Kristen Stewart and Miley Cyrus. A few hours later, while both women are sweaty and exhausted on the floor of the batcave, he grabs his phone while whistling a happy tune and sends Lois a text saying âOk, have fun!â He then mysteriously circles a date on his calendar four months out.

That night, Jimmy and Lois have sex. Jimmy, who hasnât had sex in ten months, cums inside her within four seconds of entry and then falls asleep. Lois frowns but then thinks, âOh well, at least HE actually loves me!â

The next day, Wonder Woman is at the mall, shopping with the married couple Hawkman and Hawkwoman. As Hawkwoman is making the ninth purchase with Hawkmanâs credit card, Hawkman is chatting with Wonder Woman, all the while trying desperately to not look at her cleavage (like Jimmy Olsen, Hawkman also hasnât had sex in ten months).

Suddenly, the wall explodes and Superman flies in, lands right by them, points at Hawkman and screams âWho the fuck his THIS guy?â Wonder Woman says âJesus, Superman, you know who it is! Itâs Hawkman and Hawkwoman. Weâre just shopping!â Superman glares at Hawkman and says âYou staring at my girlfriendâs tits mother fucker?â

The climax of the movie is a battle royale between Superman on one side, and Wonder Woman, Hawkman, and Hawkwoman on the other, in which the entire mall is destroyed and hundreds of people are killed. Afterwards, Superman is declared an enemy of humanity by the United Nations. He hides away in the Fortress of Solitude, buried under mounds of credit card bills, wondering why women are such “disloyal bitches”.

In the final scenes, Lois breaks up with Jimmy Olsen. She complains to her girlfriends that âHeâs just so boring!â Jimmy cries for the next several weeks and sends Lois 492 texts asking her for âanother chanceâ. In the very last scene, Lois is once again naked and bent over her couch, getting fucked hard by a smiling Batman. The camera slowly zooms in on a wall calendar, and as the screen fades to black, itâs revealed that itâs the same exact date Batman circled four months earlier.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Caleb Jones.

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Post Information
Title Superman 2 Movie – The Accurate Version
Author Blackdragon
Date August 5, 2012 6:15 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Blog Caleb Jones
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Caleb-Jones/superman-2-movie-the-accurate-version.23420
https://theredarchive.com/blog/23420
Original Link https://blackdragonblog.com/2012/08/05/superman-2-as-a-story-of-men-women-and-relationships/
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