- A big-boobed Asian (rare but wonderful when you can find them) who gave me a BJ on the first date, but with whom I completely blew the second date by following some very stupid PUA advice about how to do a âhotel close.â She was DTF and wanted me to have sex with her in my car, but I was stupid and instead assumed she wanted a hotel room, then gave me a bunch of resistance when I rented a disgusting room at a roach motel. I talked about this in more detail here.
â¦and many others. Looking through my spreadsheets from that year, there were so many dates that many of the names I donât recognize nor can place to a face today. (I remember all the women I actually had sex with though, of course.)
I started throwing much younger women into the mix but still dated women my age and older. I hadnât yet figured out the over-33 thing, but I started to skew more towards women in their mid to late twenties.
In the middle of all of this, one day I received a text from Marci, the first woman I had sex with after my divorce, and who I talked about in part four of this series here. After some pleasantries, I invited her over. She came over and we had sex twice. I started seeing her sporadically, âon the sideâ while I still considered Selina as my main girl. (I didnât yet have the FB / MLTR nomenclature down at that point, so I simply called Selina my âPrimary,â though she was essentially an MLTR.)
Marci marked the first time a woman LSNFTEâd me and then returned. It would be the first of many women in my life to do so, but I didnât know that yet. Instead, I was elated and surprised at A) that a woman would return like this and B) that a woman would return this easily. I didnât have to take her out on any dates, I didnât have to spend any money on her, I didnât have to spend any time with her, and I didnât even have to âgameâ her. She just came over to my house and had sex with me. It was exactly what I was looking for.
Lesson Number Twenty
You donât need to re-game women when they come back to you. You donât need to start all over from the beginning with a date or âgetting drinksâ or whatever. Just invite her right over to your house and have sex. Thatâs why sheâs contacting you!
Because of this and my ongoing relationship with Selina (who I did not yet have any relationship discussions with), I started taking careful notes about how to design and manage multiple nonmonogamous relationships with women. Here I was, in my first real MLTR, dating one woman while still having sex with other women, without having to promise monogamy to anyone. And it was working! It was clumsy, but it was working. I was on to something!
At one point, about two or three months into the relationship, Selina looked through my phone (or my email; I donât remember which). That day, she came to me and angrily asked who âMarciâ was.
I didnât lie. I know that if I wanted this nonmonogamy thing to work, lying wasnât an option. I simply told her the truth, that she was someone I had briefly dated a year ago, that her and I occasionally hooked up, and that this shouldnât be a surprise since I never verbally promised monogamy / exclusivity, nor ever did anything to even hint thatâs what I was doing. I also added, again truthfully, that it wasnât serious, and that, since Marci was my age (mid thirties), Selina, as a hot 18-year-old, shouldnât feel threatened, and that I considered Selina as the âmore seriousâ relationship.
Selina got upset of course, but not nearly as upset as I thought she would. Since being a VYW, her ASD was very low. Also, and I didnât find this out until many months later, at this time she was having sex with at least two other men despite the fact she âsworeâ she was only having sex with me. This was yet another one of her lies, but I didnât care. All I cared about was her not giving me any drama and her continuing to see me even though she knew I was sleeping with other women.
She did. Mission accomplished. It was my first official nonmonogamous relationship that actually lasted a decent amount of time: five full months before her first LSNFTE. Prior to that, my only real nonmono relationships were with Marci and Jenae, both of which only lasted several weeks.
Lesson Twenty-One
Despite the temporary discomfort it may cause because of a womanâs false Societal Programming, honesty works. Honesty is the only way to maintain a long-term, low-drama relationship, particularly a nonmonogamous one. If you regularly lie to a woman in a relationship, it fails to be either long-term or low-drama. Just tell her the truth, and, along with a proper EFA, youâll be shocked at what women agree to.
Dating someone for five full months while she knew I was having sex with other women was a huge accomplishment and a critical stepping stone to the long-term nonmonogamous relationships I really wanted. I know that if I could do five months with what few relationship management skills I had at the time, I could improve and stretch that five months out into many years. Which I did, eventually.
Once comfortable with the relationship we had, then shit went really crazy. Selina started introducing me to many of the other cute women she knew, and she knew many, including her girlfriends (ahem), her sister (ahem), and even her⦠mom (ahem).
Youâll have to keep watching this blog for the next installment for those stories, and others. Like I said, this is when the really crazy stuff began. The next article in this series will be my longest, most detailed, and craziest yet.
Coming soon.