This may or may not become a regular part of the blog, but I present to you the Ugly Feminist candidates for April of 2019. Only two of the entries are recent stories, but all deserve to be noted for excellence in feminist ugliness.
Candidate #1 is mommyblogger Karen Alpert (Baby Sideburns). From Wife Gets Best Revenge on ‘Lazy’ Husband By Sending Him to Grocery Store With a Fake List:
“OMG my hubby has been lying on the couch all morning while I’m doing sooooo much stuff,” she wrote to her 339K Facebook fans. “So I finally got super annoyed and send him to the grocery store with a special shopping list. And yes I turned my ringer off.”
The list included such choice products as “unsour cream,” “fat-free hummus,” and “3% milk.” It also was sure to give super specific instructions like getting the Wheat Thins “in the blue box” and something called Diet Diet Coke, which “you might have to ask for because it’s new.”
Based on this ugly feminists’ about page, her husband would make an excellent candidate for Heartiste’s Beta of the Month:
Hi, I’m Karen Alpert, aka Baby Sideburns. I’m a mom who likes to wear fat pants and drink Hershey’s syrup straight from the bottle while I cook dinner every night. And by cook dinner, I mean nuke chicken nuggets in the microwave. Thanks for checking out my page!
Here are some other things I do besides guzzle liquid chocolate:
Use fake words like gonna and anyways
Write sponsored posts so I can buy chicken nuggets and Hershey’s syrup
Raise two awesome kiddos…
Make fun of my very helpful, hot, amazing hubby who I somehow fooled into marrying me…
Candidate #2 is Anna Sheffer at Hello Giggles: Teen girls spend more time than teen boys on this one daily task, and it’ll piss you off
Although male partners are doing more chores at home than ever before, the gender divide in housework remains one of the most persistent (and frustrating) barriers to gender parity. Women still take on most of the cooking and cleaning at home—a pattern that even continues among retired people. And depressingly, recent research shows that this trend starts early, with teen girls spending more time on housework than teen boys each day.
The highlight of the Hello Giggles article is the photos of terribly put upon women.
Candidate #3 is Kristen May at Scary Mommy. Dear Wives: It’s Not Petty To Expect Your Husband To Complete Household Chores
My face is hot. I want to be mad. I am mad — but I shouldn’t be. Right? This is petty, right? I’m petty. I should be grateful he made any effort at all.
Especially because he did it without any prompting.
But wait a minute here.
WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIT. A. DAMN. MINUTE.
Why do I think there is something wrong with me for being mad about this rather than that there is something wrong with him for not doing his fucking share?
But. But…but…but. It’s a single load of laundry. I should let it go. I shouldn’t be mad about something so small. So trivial.
May gets bonus points for the stock photo of a husband doing housework as his wife relaxes on the couch. Later in the same article she makes a great case for her husband to win Beta of the Month:
To be clear, my husband isn’t lazy. He wants to help. He truly, honestly, with every fiber of his being (and because he likes having sex with me), wants to do his share. He is a good man, for sure the top 5% of husbands, and I love him and appreciate his efforts, I really, really do.
I think that women are naturally much less annoying than men. Therefore, it is our duty to ATTEMPT to annoy our husbands every now and then so they can understand the pain we live with on a daily basis. Amiright?
When you get down to the last roll of toilet paper – hide it.
I did this once before we had kids. I’m pretty sure that Even Steven did something really annoying – or maybe I had PMS – the details don’t matter.
But when I saw we only had one roll of toilet paper left in the entire house, I hid it in my bedside table. The really frustrating part was that this went on for TWO WEEKS, and he never said a single word. Not once. See how annoying he can be?
Not surprisingly, Luther makes a strong case for her own husband as Beta of the Month:
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Sure – he lets me write pretty much whatever I want on this blog. He encourages me to have girls nights. He gets home from work every night in time for dinner – and even makes dinner a few nights a week. He likes to help with the grocery shopping, the laundry, the cleaning…
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