Novaseeker notes that Wendy Griffith is well above average in attractiveness for women her age, and speculates that she really isn’t serious about finding a husband:
Griffith is well, well above average looking for her age. She’s in the top 5-10% of women in their mid 50s, easily. That in and of itself makes her advice almost completely useless for the average woman of 53, never mind the average woman of 43 or even 35…
Which leads me to my final point. I doubt that she is genuinely serious about getting married. Self-deception is a powerful thing, but almost all women at 53 know the score when it comes to the marketplace they’re in, and they either deal with it realistically or, in many cases, just abstain because they don’t like the market. I am guessing that Griffith is doing the “soft” version of the latter — not really very serious about finding a husband (I mean how can she be with the approach she is taking at 53), but selling average women the fantasy that they, too, can find a superlative, fantastic man themselves if they are never married at 53. She can’t be serious, really — it’s just unfortunate that so many *other* women are so gullible…
I think there must be some truth to this. However, it is important to remember that from Griffith’s point of view the men she is rejecting don’t matter. What matters to Griffith are the men who are rejecting her.
There is an old Game maxim that says whenever you meet an incredibly hot woman, remember that somewhere there is a man who is tired of her crap. The intent of the maxim is to prevent pedestalization, but I think it also should help us put ourselves in Griffith’s shoes. Sure she is attractive. But the men she finds attractive are rejecting her, and this is crushing. This is what her book is all about. Griffith cleverly titled her book with the harlot’s refrain:
Never Settle!
But what she is really saying is:
Never settle for the men who are rejecting you!
Yes, this is flat out nuts. But it really is the message of the book. From the description page at CBN:
Wendy Griffith had often preached to other women about being a prize to be won, but did not practice it. She didn’t realize her true value in Christ, and became the “beggar” in a year-long romance, begging for a few scraps of love. When her romance ended, she was devastated. Through her tears, God showed her that she had settled for emotional “crumbs.” She learned that God had so much more for her, (Eph. 3:20) and that she was a pearl of great price.
Now she shares her past heartache and experiences, defining what real love is and showing how you can guard your heart by recognizing the counterfeit. God’s love for you is extravagant and you shouldn’t settle for emotional crumbs. You are a prize to be won.
The book centers around a man she calls Michael, the one that got away. Michael was one among many men who responded to a segment Griffith did complaining that Christian men aren’t asking single women like her out:
Michael clearly stood out from the rest of the “interesting” inquiries I had received in response to my no-nonsense interview in which I had urged men to man up and not be afraid to ask women out!
Michael lived in another city, but immediately began courting her extravagantly. He would fly in drive for several hours every weekend and stay at a hotel to wine and dine her. Griffith loved the attention, but wasn’t that into him. As a result, she explains that she treated him coldly during the opening months of their courtship, especially when she was working and on the road. However, at some point Griffith decided that Michael had “unlocked her heart”, something a man hadn’t accomplished for decades (since her college boyfriend). But at this point the damage was already done; Michael was in love with her, but didn’t think it would be wise to marry her. Griffith was heartbroken when Michael explained this, and set out to change his mind by no longer being cold and bitchy. But after a few months of not being cold and bitchy Michael still wasn’t convinced. Griffith’s take away from this experience was that if Michael was really the one, he would not have grown hesitant to marry her just because she treated him badly while he pulled out all of the stops to win her over. Her mistake was not the months she spent treating this one in a thousand man badly; her mistake was the months she spent trying to make it up to him. This is the thesis of her book. Griffith had forgotten that she was the prize to be won, that she was the pearl of great price. The book is a vow never to make that mistake again, and to warn younger women not to fall into the same trap.
The story of her being worth dinner and desert also stems from a rejection of sorts, by a man she clearly felt was beneath her:
A few years ago, I was asked out by a college professor whom I assumed had a good-paying job, although the jalopy he drove and his sloppy appearance said otherwise. But it had been an embarrassingly long time since my last date, and I was determined to give this guy a chance. On our first date, he took me to a classy steakhouse, where we both enjoyed top-of-the-line steaks surrounded by an elegant atmosphere.
On our second date, we had pizza, and on our third date, we were at a cute little fish shack by the beach when this guy suddenly brought up the bill. “I think we should split the check,”…
…This man told me that I was extravagant and not a good steward of other people’s money, namely his. He actually made me cry (not in front of him, but later)! I was so upset at being called extravagant simply because I had expected him to treat me like a lady…
The very title of the book comes from the time she asked a man she was attracted to out to dinner, and he politely declined:
I had been in Florida covering Terri Schiavo’s rigth-to-life case, one of the biggest stories of 2005… I asked a guy out who was closely involved with the story and with whom I’d been working all day if he’d like to go out to dinner. He was my age, handsome and a single Christian like I was, and after a whirl-wind day of interviews and a few laughs, I rationalized that it would be fine to ask him to have dinner with me instead of dining alone. His response was not what I had been expecting: “I have to go to the gym.”
I felt sick! It was as if someone had punched me in the stomach… Discouraged and a little mad at myself, I drove back to the hotel alone, when suddenly I heard the unmistakable voice of the Lord in my spirit. He whispered so clearly to me, Wendy, you are a prize to be won!
I knew the Lord’s voice, and I knew that He was speaking to me about my value. I didn’t need to be the one pursuing in a relationship or running around like a chicken with my head cut off, looking for love in all the wrong places. God has my man, and that man is going to recognize me as his prize! And the same goes for you.
Unfortunately, I have had to learn this lesson the hard way.
Pearl of Great Price
Ladies, the Lord wants you to know that you are a pearl of great price, a treasure worth pursuing and protecting. You are worth fighting for…
