~ archived since 2018 ~

The Hierarchy of Love

June 1, 2015

“When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.” – Oscar Wilde

1.) Introduction
2.) Irreconcilable Love
3.) The Caveat
4.) Woman’s Love Defined
5.) Love & Female Self-Deception
6.) In Closing
7.) Relevant Reading

1.) Introduction:

“Women don’t love, they only care for themselves.” This is a comment from a gentleman I came across recently that made me stop to give pause. After some pondering, I came up with the essay you are about to read. I must conclude that I disagree with the statement that inspired this particular piece of literature. I do suspect that the gentleman who said what he said felt it to be true with every inch of his fiber, but I do not believe the assertion to be right. Nevertheless, I am sympathetic to his sentiment, for although he is wrong, he is not entirely. It is, at least among the old guard of the red pill community, an established truth that women do not love men in the way that man wants to be loved.

2.) Irreconcilable Love:

The problem is contingent on not only the way in which man craves to be loved, but likewise the way in which woman is capable of loving. Man desires a sacrificial love, sacrifice implies loyalty and connection. What men want from love, and what woman’s love amounts to is fundamentally irreconcilable.

In matters of love (and not simply lust,) man is an optimistic egalitarian. He loves as he wishes to be loved. In matters of love, when man is young and oblivious to the ways of women, he is a true adherent of the golden rule.

The folly of man’s nature lies in the belief that the loyalty quintessential to woman’s maternal instinct will be available within a romantic context. He believes rather foolishly, that as his mother loved him, the idealised girlfriend could. He sees how women love their children, and upon making such an observation concludes that women are capable of great love. This is true, they are. Only sadly, this great love is a love reserved solely for children, it extends not to man. As such, man has an idealisation of woman’s love, not a realisation.

Man desires that which is unattainable to him, unaware the love he desires is maternal in nature, unable to be felt for him. Nature plays a cruel trick on the psychology of man. It gives him a very pure, high quality love in his childhood. It gives him a template for woman’s love that he comes to expect as standard of all women. He is taught by his mother’s love that unconditional loyalty, noble character, gentleness, sacrifice and trust are intrinsic of the feminine essence. And so as he grows from a boy into a man he comes to the rather logical conclusion that if he is “a good man,” he can expect to be loved by his lover in much the same way. His mother, well-meant but quite incorrectly likewise affirms this notion to him. This is a wicked lie, but a man whose heart is yet to be broken does not realise this. He thinks woman’s love is immutable. He knows not that her love for child is different from that of her love for him.

And so man longs to be loved like a child, not realising such a love is reserved for children. Believing that the love he covets is romantic love, when truly it is maternal love. Such a man of course lacks the experience or nuance of mind to make this distinction. And so the tragedy for this man is learning that women do not love men like they love children. The unconditional loyalty inherent to the maternal bond is all but absent from the mating bond. Most men do not realise this. They love wholesomely right up until they are emotionally blind-sided by a woman in the most violable of ways, forced to re-evaluate their opinion of female nature. This is not a hypothetical so much as it is an eventuality. If lucky, post-breakup they end up on this blog or elsewhere similar.

From there on, man can learn to re-evaluate his notion of woman’s capacity to love. He will come to learn woman’s love for her mate is of vastly reduced moral and psychological quality than that of her love for her child. How he responds to such powerful knowledge will ultimately shape what kind of man he decides to become. Be it a man going his own way, a disillusioned bachelor looking to use women for nothing but sex, or a patriarch who runs his house like a business, aware of the risk, but acting in all his power to mitigate it.

However cruel as it may seem, women are incapable of reciprocating man’s love. They love differently. There is a hierarchy of love that trickles down. Man sacrifices for woman, and woman, for child. Rarely does the river flow upward. As such, if man is to believe that women can love to the same extent as he, then he is doomed to disappointment and misery when she invariably acts within accordance of her nature rather than his idealisation.

3.) The Caveat:

Most of you have been with me up until this point; some of you aren’t. Earlier I made a point of saying that “he believes rather foolishly that as his mother loved him, the idealised girlfriend could.” This has a double-meaning that very few would have the range of experience or nuance of mind to pick up on should I not be pointing it out. Essentially when read, those of you who had a good mother would have, if not now, at least at some point thought “I hope I can find a girl that’s as sweet and caring as mom.” Then, there are those who had narcissistic, detached, unloving mothers. The mothers who always put on a good public face of being nothing other than wonderful, but due to an affliction of personal defect did not share the love intrinsic to the maternal bond with their son.

I am shocked by the sheer number of men I have spoken to who have had mothers that never really loved them (ergo, my mother was very loving,) but I can’t say knowing what I know now that I am surprised. Men who had mothers that never endowed them with the maternal bond find it easier to swallow the red pill and understand female behaviour as adults. It is a recurring observation of mine that men deprived of maternal love are better adapted for dealing with women as mates in adulthood. The man who grew up as a neglected boy never foolishly believed that a girlfriend would love him as his mother would, he believed she would love him exactly as his mother did; with extreme conditionality.

This is to say, the man who never experienced maternal love as the typical man in boyhood did would not come to idealise female love as a man. Rather perversely, the standard of which such a man holds women to romantically is more in line with their true nature. Unlike most men, he was not taught to expect a sacrificial love from women because he never experienced this love to begin with. His mother didn’t love him like a mother, but like a partner, ergo, he was loved for his utility rather than his essence. And so it stands to reason that man’s frame of reference for the quality of woman’s love is based upon how his mother loved him. A man whose mother did not love him like a child when he was a child is therefore, in adulthood, at a perverse advantage. He has no idealisation to shatter, because his expectations of women in relationships are realistic.

4.) Woman’s Love Defined:

The epitome of a woman’s love is infatuation. To define it, this is a lust for your power and an obsession with how your character makes her feel, secondary to your power. It is put crudely: opportunism and emotional self-appeasement alchemised with lust.

Man oft forgets that love does not flow upward in the sacrificial sense. He makes the mistake of thinking that because he can love a woman without lusting for her, that a woman can do the same. She cannot, because her love is not based on sacrifice, it is based on the appreciation of man’s sacrifice met with lust. The more man sacrifices for a woman, the more likely he is to fall in love with his investment. The more a woman sacrifices for man absent of animal lust, the more repulsion she feels for him, interpreting her need for investment as a shortcoming on his part. And so there it is, unspoken in word but detected in sentiment; woman expects man to love her more than she loves him, reinforcing the hierarchy of love. Female sacrifice is predicated on lust and mental entrapment. Male sacrifice is expected, and freely given.

5.) Love & Female Self-Deception:

A woman who does not lust for you cannot love you as you wish to be loved. Lust is the basis for her love, absent of lust you have “like” rather than “love.” Such a woman can do naught but use you and lie to you both that she is in love when she isn’t. If it is convenient for a woman to be in love, she will convince herself she is in love so that she may convince you of it. Women are masters of self-deception, so one must be extremely cautious in assigning any substance to their convictions. Treat such earnest emotional conviction as sophistry.

Women are generally speaking, emotionally neurotic. Women who become too self-aware can end up hating themselves because they cannot overcome their animal elements. They can’t make themselves love you in the way you want them to, even if they tried to. To do so would ravage them with immeasurable misery. So as unfair as you may think it is that your girlfriend can never love you the same way your mother did, it is likewise unfair to expect her to do so if you wish her happiness. I am of the belief that this is why society has collectively lied to itself for generations. The truth threatens the nuclear family, you only have to look at the “men going their own way” movement to see that. Many men would struggle with the idea of family upon discovering the whole host of red pill truths that are to be found. Ignorance is bliss for a great many, as such the knowledge on this blog is as much powerful as it is dangerous.

6.) In Closing:

Women are what they are; your perception of women no matter what that might be is powerless to change their fundamental nature. You can, with the knowledge you have acquired, learn to accept them, or you may, reject them out of unappeasable disappointment predicated on the idea that “woman’s love just isn’t worth it.” We can argue about what is right for society, what is right for your personal situation and all the rest, as many of you like to do, but ultimately this is a personal choice. It is your choice to make, not mine, not anybody else’s. Once you have this information, that choice cannot be taken from you. The answer will be different for every man depending on where he is at in his life’s journey.

Learning red pill truths exerts incredible impetus on a man to mentally mature and decide what he wants out of women, as well as life. What you want will change with age. A 20-year-old is prone to naively think he’s going to be a bachelor forever. An old divorced man may have resigned himself from what he deems folly. A guy that’s been slaying in bars for the past decade might be worn out and want something with more depth. Thus, as men are prone to do, he returns to the question of how women love, and how he can act on his need to love without effectively destroying himself. The men who do not see a way to love without losing who they are, and what they have gained materially, are the men who reject love.

7.) Relevant Reading:

The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer had some great insight on women, which you can sample here.

If anybody knows of a condensed work, as in, a publication which has compiled the entirety of Nietzsche’s views on women, then let me know and I’ll add it here. To my knowledge, Nietzsche’s views on women are sprinkled across numerous works, and as such there is no one single work I could recommend.

Buy “Essays & Aphorisms by Arthur Schopenhauer” in the USA
Buy “Essays & Aphorisms by Arthur Schopenhauer” in the UK
Buy “Essays & Aphorisms by Arthur Schopenhaeur” in Canada
Buy “The Art of Seduction” in the USA
Buy “The Art of Seduction” in the UK
Buy “The Art of Seduction” in Canada

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Illimitable Men.

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