One myth a bunch of guys have is that when you get to a point where you’ve gotten laid a lot, you’ll have absolutely zero approach anxiety and zero nerves around women in general. Lemme burst your bubble: Anxiety never fully goes away – even after 50+ lays.
But you know what does come with all those lays, all that experience, all those struggles, and all those victories? A complete and utter lack of fucks given.
Even after all my lays, and my 1000+ cold approaches (hitting on girls during the daytime), I still feel anxiety when I see a girl I want to talk to. I just don’t give a fuck. I’ve felt that anxiety 1000+ times (plus another 2000+ times while I did this “approach anxiety program”. Plus tens of thousands more times on online dating.) At this point, feeling the anxiety is literally boring – my mind immediately says, “Oh look, anxious again, just like every single other time. Cool, I’ll go hit on her now.” I literally ignore the anxiety.
Ask any guy who’s gotten laid a tonne and he’ll tell you the exact same thing – the anxiety doesn’t necessarily go away; you just stop caring.
Now, lemme make it clear: anxiety does diminish with experience – after 50+ lays, you’re nowhere near as nervous as you were at the start. But it never fully goes away; it’ll always be there under the surface, to some extent.
This extends to pretty much everything I’ve gotten good at. I’m nervous when I do a photoshoot, despite being a professional photographer for years now. I just feel the anxiety, say to myself, “Well yeah of course I’m nervous; I’m always nervous.” And I get on with the job.
I’m nervous about most of my coaching client calls – probably 25% of the time. And if it’s a new client I haven’t met before, I’m anxious 100% of the time. Again, I can’t care any more – I’ve been nervous for coaching calls so many times it doesn’t affect me any more.
Your mission isn’t to overcome your anxiety; because it may always be there. Your only mission is to embrace the anxiety, keep facing it each time, and eventually you’ll just stop caring about it. You can be full of anxiety, even doubt, and still find success. Lord knows I’ve been a neurotic, anxious mess and still gotten shit done.
I even sometimes have performance anxiety in the bedroom, despite all my lays and all my experience with BDSM, 3somes, fetishes and the like. There are times I worry about doing a good job, or worry the sex won’t be great. But again, I don’t really give a fuck. I’ve experienced anxiety in the bedroom hundreds of times at this point, so every time it comes up, it’s literally boring – I just accept the anxiety and then kinda forget it’s even there.
Even people who do public speaking talk about anxiety never completely going away. Just because they’ve given 100 or 1000 public speeches, doesn’t mean they’re some perfect “alpha”. Nobody’s perfect.
Artists who’ve already had their work in multiple art galleries get nervous before a new unveiling.
Even fucking Eminem had crippling stage anxiety he had to self-medicate away with alcohol.
For public speakers, for performers, even for celebs: The nerves will probably always be there to some extent – they just stopped giving a shit a long time ago. And the way to stop giving a shit is to just embrace the fact you suck, embrace the fact you’re nervous, and be ok with it. You’re only human, after all.
Go out there and talk to some girls – even if you’re anxious. Stop letting anxiety be a reason not to talk to women; you’ll get better at dealing with it the more you practice.
