So, I’ve written 100 articles (between this site and my second site – KYIL-extra.com).
Why am I sharing this? As 3 of my clients & several of my friends have pointed out to me, I’m not always great at giving myself credit for things. Hell, I even wrote Don’t Be a Cunt to Yourself for myself more than anyone else. 100 articles down and yet there’s still this sense that I haven’t really done much. 100 articles down and I still feel like I could do so much better than this crap. 100 articles down and I still feel like a lazy bastard.
So I’m writing this to give myself proof that I’ve actually done a pretty decent job so far and written a lot of articles I’m really proud of. Think of this as me trying to be nice to myself.
It’s taken a hell of a lot of slaving, a crazy amount of stress, a fucktonne of long nights and a shitload of self-doubts. I’ve come a long way – I remember the first 10 articles I wrote, I had to get my girlfriend to read them before I could bring myself to hit Publish. I’d ask her, “Reckon it’s ok? Is it shit? Should I publish it?” God I was so adorable back then.
The following are a few of the articles I’m most proud of, and why:
How to Get Laid on Tinder (Series)
My magnum-opus; clocking in at over 130,000 words. I poured my heart and soul into this, spending about a year piecing it all together. It’s fucking huge.
I’m really happy with how much detail I’ve gone into. An absolute newbie can pick it up, put it all into practice, and start getting laid – even if you’re an obese 35yo virgin. It covers absolutely every single aspect of self-improvement and making yourself a decent prospect for sex. I dive into using all the dating apps, messaging girls, dealing with rejection and setting up dates. Then I cover absolutely every aspect of the dates.
I went into so much detail about sex itself – how to make a move, foreplay, sex, rough sex/BDSM, what to do afterwards. And my favourite part of the entire series has to be the retention part. It’s the part I’m most proud of, and I feel like it’s the part that will prove most helpful to the most number of guys. Apart from BlackDragonBlog, there aren’t really any resources on the net on how to keep girls around after you’ve banged them. I’m 100% confident I have the most comprehensive, best retention guide on the internet right now. If you find a better one, show me.
I’m also proud of writing this series because it taught me something I never thought I’d say – writing 130,000 words isn’t really that hard. It’s made me excited to get started on the next few long-form guides I’ll be writing.
What to Do When You Feel Hopeless and Helpless
Scroll down to the comments section on this Hopeless and Helpless article – there are some amazing comments there. A couple guys poured their hearts and souls out and were incredibly vulnerable and honest. One even went on to see me for a counselling session and I can report he’s taken the first couple of steps to improving himself. Bloody awesome.
I really like the article itself too – it’s a topic I’ve personally had to deal with, and my girlfriend has also dealt with her own hopelessness a lot. I really like the video I posted in that article – it had a huge effect on my girlfriend and some of my coaching clients.
Of all the articles I’ve written, this one probably had the biggest impact on me (mostly from the comments section).
Give Yourself Permission to Suck
Of course this would have to be on the list; it’s the very first article I wrote. I was really struggling to actually start this damn website – I was overthinking what I should write about, stressing about whether anyone would every actually read anything I wrote. I had 100 ideas of what I should write, but none of them seemed good enough. I was stuck.
In the end, I had to just force myself to write something – and I did that by saying, “Ok fuckface, you have 1 hour to publish an article. Go.” I ended up writing a meta article about how to start things when you’re terrified to take that first step, using one of my core principles: “It’s totally ok to suck at the start.” That idea of being ok with sucking at the start has become a running theme of my website, underpinning almost everything I write – especially the articles I write specifically for inexperienced guys.
If you’re struggling to start, read my follow-up article: How to Start Anything.
I needed to write this one; quite a few mates and coaching clients pushed me early on to detail my past struggles and how I overcame them. I’ve gotten a lot of coaching clients just from this article alone; guys who read my story and realise they can do exactly what I’ve done.
And here’s an article detailing my depression and how I overcame it; hopefully that’ll help a lot of peeps too.
Another much-needed article. The forum that was the birth of my self-improvement efforts (Good Looking Loser) has always been very big on showing proof of your claims (in getting laid, in making money, in all achievements) – nobody just takes somebody’s word for it.
There’s too many exaggeraters and bullshitters on the internet; the world doesn’t need one more. Though it took me a bloody long time to write it all up, I added the majority of my lay stories from the last couple of years, as well as a bunch of pics and vids.
After all, if you can’t see proof that what I’m saying actually works for me, how can you be sure it’d work for you?
It’s “You and Me”, not “You vs Me”
Another one of my cornerstone articles; this set the foundation of all the articles about honesty I’ve written since. It really seemed to resonate with people (lots of comments on there, and quite a few private emails from people thanking me for writing it.)
At the time, I didn’t think it was all that important an article; I was just sharing some of my story from Mr Dickhead to Mr Decent Human Being. In hindsight it’s obvious why it had a big impact; for a lot of guys, I’m the first person who’s ever given them permission to be honest and open with girls. In short, I’m giving people permission to be decent people.
The reaction is caused (especially all the private emails I got) made me decide to add Honesty as a heading to my site, and started taking my site in that direction. I’ve gone on to write a lot more content specifically about honesty and truthfullness, and I made the very conscious decision to make my site all about teaching guys how to be ethical players.
Without this article, none of my content about honesty would exist.
There is No Such Thing as “Alpha”
Oh yeah, I bloody love this one. I spent so much time and energy trying to be “Mr Strong Alpha”. I was terrified of any girl ever thinking I was weak or “beta”. I shyed away from every opening up or letting myself be vulnerable. I became a complete neurotic mess, constantly over-analysing my every move, my every word, even my posture – for fear of ever being “not Alpha enough”.
When I finally let all that go, life opened up for me – it was like I could finally breathe for the first time in years. I actually started getting laid more – because I was less focused on trying to be alpha, and more focused on trying to actually stick my penis in vaginas.
If this article saves even a handful of dudes from years of alpha nonsense and overthinking I had to go through, my mission will be complete and I can be beamed back up to the mothership.
Honesty is an Ideal You Work Towards
With all my pushing towards honesty, I was acutely aware of the fact that some guys would see it as “too much”. Even if they wanted to be deeply honest with women, maybe it’d just be too much of a leap to go from never opening up to girls, to being completely 100% “autistically-honest” with them.
I wrote this to show you it’s cool if you’re nowhere near “autistically-honest” just yet; all you have to do is be as honest as you possibly can be. If that means you lie sometimes, that’s ok. If that means you hide the truth and avoid vulnerability, that’s ok too. Just practice honesty a little each day, and over time you’ll get to the point I’m at where I’m 100% honest.
And on that note, it took me a bloody long time to get to this point. Years. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re not 100% honest yet; you’ll get there.
Eventually You’ll End Up Settling Down
This is hands-down my favourite article to go back and read. I love the style in which I wrote it (kind of “poetic” and easy-to-read). And I love the message: that even though chasing girls and getting laid seems like the most important thing in the universe to you right now, even though you can’t even fathom a time in which it wouldn’t be all you think about and dream about… there will come a day when something else is more important to you.
I wrote it as if I was speaking to my past self. As if the wiser version of myself was putting his hand on younger me’s shoulder and saying, “I know you don’t believe me, but one day you’ll grow up, kid.” I was always the stubborn, arrogant youthful kid who thought he “knew better than all those old farts”.
How wrong I was.
The idea of settling down/moving on from chasing pussy is one of the most important ideas I’ve written; yet there’s no comments on that article and it’s hardly my most-read. As one of my older readers pointed out to me in an email, “I suspect that article will fly over the head of most people – you only recognise the notion of moving on after you’ve gotten more than your fill of women.”
How to Breakup / End Things Amicably with Girls
A few readers have already told me this article was directly responsible for them immediately breaking up with girls they were in a very unhappy relationship with. One of my clients even ended things with a girl he’d had feelings for for ages, but it wasn’t going to work out and it was only just hurting him. I’m damn proud of his emotional maturity – he’s come a hell of a long way since I first met him.
It’s funny, because some of my articles like this one just seem like “throwaway” articles to me. As in, I perceive that I didn’t put all that much effort into them; they were just short articles where I wanted to quickly get out an idea from my head and move on. I’m constantly surprised by the fact many of the articles I think are meaningless have a decent impact. And vice versa, articles I think will be well-received don’t get all that much fanfare.
Why Your Tinder Pics Suck! (And How to Fix Them)
To this day, this article gets more hits from Google searches than any other (as of May 2020, about 100 hits a day). I’ve never even thought about SEO or Google rankings at any point since I started this website; so it’s cool as hell to me that anyone even finds my site from Google searches.
On that note, 95% of my traffic comes from word-of-mouth/people knowing me through other sites I give advice on. At this point in time I have no interest in SEO; I’m a stubborn bastard and SEO just seems geeky/stupid to me. I’d rather focus on producing the best, most-helpful content I can; traffic/views can take care of itself.
The article itself was fun as hell to write – I spent a few weeks going through 1000+ profiles of guys to get a sense of what they were doing right vs wrong (in my opinion). It was pretty eye-opening; you might think girls have a tonne of options on Tinder, but the truth is most guys fucking suck. As long as you’re above-average or better, you’re doing well.
Life is a Process of Trying on Different Hats (Kill Your Inner Loser)
Much like the article you’re reading now, Life is a Process of Trying on Different Hats was a look back at where I’d come from. It was a chance for me to take a break, have a breather, and give myself credit for all the different things I’ve worked on and achieved.
More importantly, I wrote it for all the guys who fall into the trap of “pigeon-holing” themselves. ie, assuming “I’m not [a certain type of guy]; therefore, I can’t do what those guys do.” Eg, “I’m not a player; therefore, I can’t get laid a lot.” That’s absolute bullshit – when you look at how many different types of people I’ve “roleplayed” during my lifetime, you’ll see the notion of pigeon-holing is absolute bullshit.
You can be anything – and anyone – you want. As long as you’re willing to work for it.
I Can’t Get Laid Because…
If I had a dollar for every time someone has said, “Andy, you only get laid because you’re tall“, I’d have 24 billion quadrillion dollars. I got sick of hearing the same lame excuses from 500 different guys like, “I’m too short” or “I’m too old” or “I’m Asian” or “I’m not rich”, so I put together this list to basically say “Shut the fuck up and man the fuck up, or get the fuck off my site.”
Sure, you can have doubts – that’s normal. You can be unsure – that’s normal. But to say “I can never get laid because [insert excuse]” is really just another way of saying, “I’m happy being a loser and I don’t want to change.” I covered this concept in: There’s a 95% Chance You Won’t Listen to Anything I Say.
You Should be Better than Your Idols
I poured a lot into this one, because it was quite a heavy realisation for me. At some point, I realised I was happy with where I was and all that I’d achieved. No longer did I look at my idols and think, “Those guys are leagues above me; I could never be like them.” I was looking at them as peers, as equals – guys who’d achieved things on the same level as what I’d achieved.
When I first had that thought, I instantly reacted with, “Jesus Andy, you’re so fucking conceited! How dare you think you’re as good as your idols!” But as I thought about it more and more, as I looked back on all my achievements (140+ lays, a ridiculous number of 3somes, 100+ articles, many coaching clients helped) I realised I should give myself some bloody credit for what I’ve done. I realised I’m worthy of being looked up to.
My mission with this site – as I wrote in that article – is to get you to my level as quickly as possible, so you have plenty of time to then go on and absolutely obliterate my achievements. I want you to do things I never could have hoped of doing. I want to look at you and think, “Jesus, that guy absolutely crushed it. Good fucking job!”
After all, if I can get to a point where I now see my former-idols as peers, you sure as hell can too.
Oh No, You’ve Angered the Gods!
This, along with This is All Just a Big Experiment, are two very important articles for me.
I’ve always sought out truth above all else – I care about honesty, about gaining as much knowledge as I possibly can, about learning all that I could possibly learn. My life’s purpose (the meaning of my life) is to gain as much knowledge as I can about as many topics as I can – that’s why I was put on this Earth.
It’s the reason I started this blog – to share everything I’ve learned, from the good to the bad and the ugly. I share what’s worked for me, what hasn’t, what’s worked for my clients and my friends and other people I know. I don’t talk about things I have no experience with, and at no point do I purport to “have all the answers”.
Other people on the net – particularly people who are experts in their field – tend to be very headstrong and I guess arrogant with their opinions. “My way works; therefore it is the only way that works. Everybody else is wrong.” They take this a step further and say, “If anybody else has an opinion different to mine, I’ll tell you in 20 paragraphs why they’re wrong.”
I wrote Oh No You’ve Angered the Gods and This is All Just a Big Experiment to counter this idea. I know my methods/ideas work and will most likely work for you too. But they might not work for you, or you might find a method that works better than my advice – I’m not so fucking arrogant I think my way is the only way.
I’m also very cautious to “throw the baby out with the bathwater”. People have asked me multiple times now, “Why do you talk positively about The Red Pill and tell people to read The Rational Male, when you yourself debate some of their ideas?”
Just because I don’t agree with everything someone says, doesn’t mean I’ll discredit all their work & ignore the parts that are clearly of merit. I seek the truth, remember – and despite all my disagreements with pickup artists/The Red Pill/etc, they also speak a hell of a lot of truth.
Kino and Escalation During the Corona Crisis
If you want to see the light-hearted, “silly Andy” – go read this.
And jesus was it fun to write. I mocked the concept of “Alpha”, lockdown laws during the 2020 corona bullshit, and I had a lot of fun in the process. It’s even got some amazing artwork by me – I’m an artist.
Immy’s Thoughts: What Honesty is Like for a Girl (From a Girl’s Perspective)
I like this one – but then, I’m biased. It was written by my girflriend, and was the first guest post I had on my site. I had a few concerns with this one, like “What if guys dislike me having a girl write for what is predominantly a masculinity site?” Then I thought, “That’s utter bullshit, if someone doesn’t like it they can suck my dick.”
It ended up being a pretty decent article, and I think she shared some interesting insights. Not bad for her first effort. She went on to write Immy’s Thoughts: On Being Alpha, and contibuted a few paragraphs to my Tinder guide too.
She wants to share more on my site in future, and when I start my podcast in the future, she’ll be my first guest. We’ll cover non-monogamy, 3somes, jealousy, self-improvement, and a whole lot more.
Andy’s Guide to Fixing Erectile Dysfunction (ED) & Performance Anxiety
Pretty happy with this one; I think I have a hell of a lot of unique insights into dealing with ED and performance anxiety. Particularly “Give yourself permission not to have sex with her” and “Stop overthinking it and just take some bloody Viagra”. I also wrote a follow-up article: Blindfolds; The Secret Cheat Code for When You’re Nervous.
One assumption a lot of dudes make is, “I bet guys who get laid a lot never deal with erectile dysfunction!” Whilst being more confident absolutely lowers performance anxiety, you’re also having more sex – so there’s more opportunities for erectile dysfunction to rear its floppy head.
I still sometimes have ED even to this day – even after all my lays. Sometimes I’m stressed as hell from life, sometimes I’m tired and exhausted, sometimes I just had sex earlier that day, sometimes I’m too distracted by something else, and sex is the last thing I feel like doing. ED isn’t something to be ashamed about; it’ll happen every now and then, so just refer back to my guide and you’ll be fine.
Storytime with Andy: My Girlfriend Takes a Girl’s Virginity (Nike Girl)
This one was a lot of fun just for the story itself. My girlfriend and I had joked about her taking a girl’s virginity – we’d talked about it for about 6 months or so. I’d banged quite a few virgins myself at that point (15+), and had told her about most of them. She was intrigued, and really liked the idea of being gentle and kind and a “mentor” to an inexperienced girl.
Fast forward a few months and by chance she matched with a cute 18yo virgin on Tinder who was bisexual. They talked for a week and the girl met up with my girl and I. I’d told my girl to take the lead the entire time – I was really just there to help and ensure everything was fun for both of them.
It ended up being some fucking fun sex (I had sex with her too, obviously). Afterwards my girlfriend and I were damn happy we had a really cool story to share (not that girls go out and tell all their other friends about their latest notch… that’s more a guy thing.) The girl ended up being a total sweetheart and got attached to my girl, which my girl found very endearing. We liked her quite a lot.
Musings of a Non-Completionist
This is one of my favourite articles to go back and read; along with Eventually You’ll End Up Settling Down. I wrote it in that same “poetic”, “romantic” writing style.
Read it and you’ll get a sense of just how much I love writing. Well, not writing – sharing ideas. I followed up with the article, Why I Write for This Site.
Musings of a Non-Completionist 2: The Hustle
I really enjoyed writing this; it felt like a nice ramble, just like the article above. At the time I was struggling a bit with balancing full-time work with my coaching business + writing for this site; there were quite a few moments where I was feeling overwhelmed.
If I’m honest, I also enjoy struggling to overcome difficulties and then eventually having that breakthrough moment. I love a good underdog story; that’s probably why I’ve chosen to build this website around concepts like, “No matter how low you are right now, you can turn it all around.” I’ve actively screened for underdogs, particularly with my coaching – the guys I put the most effort into are the guys who are virgins or have a lot of self-improvement to do.
And on a happy note, I’ve quit my job at that warehouse – I’m now all-in with coaching. Right now I’m living off savings and earnings from my coaching business, but I’m not too far off being able to pay all my bills from coaching. I’m really fucking happy.
Pump Out a Tonne of Content (and Some of it Will be Gold)
The premise of this article was me giving myself a wild challenge- write 5 articles in 24 hours. It actually ended up being 5 articles in about 10 hours.
I ended up with a meta-article about the concept of writing/creating just for creation sake, and not worrying so much about making everything “perfect”. It’s a lesson that’s hard for me to learn; as many of my friends and even a couple of clients have pointed out, I tend to over-edit my articles and stress about making them “perfect”.
I find it really fucking hard to let go of that; it’s absolute hell for me to just publish a quick article. Short articles actually hurt me to publish. As with most things in my life that I’m bad at, I like to run towards those things and face them head on and conquor them. So if I’m shit at letting go of my perfectionism, that’s now something I’m choosing to actively overcome.
As I write these words right here right now, I’m actually right in the middle of another challenge; to write 3 articles in 8 hours. I’ve just succeeded:
It actually ended up being even less than that – I fucked around for about 2 hours getting lunch, watching YouTube and procrastinating…
I like giving myself these challenges every now and then; writing can become too “easy” as you build it into a habit. It’s easy to get complacent and just write an article a day, churning them out with no real pressure to do anything more than the bare minimum. Challenges like these ones push my boundaries and show me what’s possible.
You know what? I do feel a better having written this article. I do deserve to give myself credit; I’ve written some good shit.
Use this article as an example for yourself – take the time every 6 months or so to look back at all your progress, and give yourself credit for the things you’ve achieved. No matter how small they are, give yourself a god damn pat on the back. Sometimes in self-improvement, we’re so focused on looking forward, that we forget to take a look back every once in a while.
Here’s to 100 more articles.