I’ve had a few people tell me over the last few months that they could never do what I do, that they could never bang 140 (that’s a rough estimate) girls like I have, that they could never have 3somes like I’ve had. I’ve even heard, “You’re doing something special; something normal guys like me can’t do.”
And I get it; when you’re at the start of your self-improvement journey, it’s intimidating as hell to look ahead, because you’re acutely aware of how far you still have left to go. And the people you look up to & admire seem like gods (even though they’re not; you could easily outdo them). Good Looking Loser has a great article on this: 10 Misconceptions About Guys Guys that are Successful with Women. Even though there’s a big part of me that finds it hilarious that people look up to me (if you could be me for a day, you’d see it’s not that glamorous), I do get that 140+ lays and 11+ 3somes seems like a jaw-dropping number.
The issues comes when you use it as a stick to beat yourself over the head with, and tell yourself things like, “I don’t have as many lays as Andy/other guys; therefore, I’m a loser.” I’ve covered this topic here: Stop Being a Cunt to Yourself.
140 is a nice number. It’s a big number. When I first started self-improvement, there was no way in hell I ever thought I’d get anywhere near 100. But if you’ve followed my lays (I’ve posted about half of them here), you’ll see that a huge portion of the girls I’ve banged, I don’t end up seeing more than once or twice.
I’ll be honest: I have pretty low standards. I’ve banged a lot of hotties (again, go through the stories here – the hotter girls are at the top of the list), but I’ve also banged a hell of a lot of chubby girls. I’ve always been a bit of a freak, and I enjoy the chase; I like banging new girls, even if they’re not always ultra-hot or girls that I want to see more than a couple of times. Some of my best experiences were when I kept an open mind, even if the girl wasn’t ultra hot.
And let’s go even deeper – my first 50 or so lays were back when I was really depressed and suicidal (2006-2011). I used to bang girls off Craigslist, and the vast majority of them were ultra-obese girls I was not even remotely attracted to. I was obese myself and was stuck in a very destructive mindset – I used sex with fat girls as both self-medication and self-flaggelation. I’d always hate myself afterwards; it wasn’t glamorous at all. It was ~8 years of mental hell – I was addicted to the “rush” of meeting a new girl so I’d take absolutely anyone I could get (I was fat myself so I could only get the lowest of the low women), then I’d meet and fuck them, then as soon as I came I’d hate myself and promise never to do it again…
…Only to repeat a few weeks later. I actually went to a sex addiction counsellor + joined a sex addiction group that cost me $150/month. I did that for about a year and it helped me see sex in a much more positive, normal light (instead of using it to self-medicate my own unhappiness). So again, is that something worth comparing yourself to?
I’m also probably older than you – I’m about to turn 33 (as of 2020), which means I’ve had a long time to rack up a lot of lays. I lost my virginity when I was 19, so since then I’ve banged an average of 1 new girl a month – that’s more than doable if that’s something you want to achieve yourself.
So please, please, please don’t compare your lay-count to mine; my first 50 lays were not even worth noting, and many of the ones after that have been girls I wasn’t super attracted to. Like I said, I have relatively low standards; you can definitely do better than me. (Though to be fair, there’s been a hell of a lot of hotties in there too; it’s not all doom and gloom.)
If your standards aren’t as low as mine (all of my coaching clients have higher standards than me, as do all my friends), then of course your lay count isn’t going to be as high as mine. If you don’t scrape the bottom of the barrel in the way that I used to (and sometimes still do), then it’s natural you’ll have less lays. And I’m not saying you should lower your standards quite to my (very low) level… I’m saying you need to keep my low standards in mind when looking at my lay count.
You’re also mostly going to focus on the highlight reels of my life (even though I do my best to share my shortcomings/failures/struggles with you). Even when I try to show you my weaknesses, you aren’t naturally going to pay attention to my shortcomings or failures (even though I talk about them here, and here, and here, and here). You don’t really care about that stuff – you only care about my journey, and my high lay count. You care about my 3somes, and my cool sex adventures; you know, the good stuff. You care about the peak moments I share.
But you have no idea how often I’m a lazy son of a bitch. You’re not aware of the 10,000 girls who rejected me or called me creepy or said I’m a loser. You’re not aware of all the times I’ve been jealous, or insecure, or cried, or acted like a child. You aren’t here with me to see all the moments I feel like I’ll never be successful; nor are you here to see the moments where life beats me down. You only see the best of me, and you don’t notice – or you actively ignore – the worst of me.
I’m not any better than you are; I’m just a little further along in my self-improvement journey. I look successful because I’ve simply had more time to find success.
And that’s the point; you can’t compare yourself to me, because I’ve probably been improving for longer than you have. In a year or two you’ll have made massive progress, and you’ll be at a point where you’re on equal footing to me and anyone else you respect. You’ll get there, I promise; as long as you keep kicking ass with your goals and have realistic expectations of your progress.
The final nail in the coffin of my lay count is this: I got a lot of my lays by being an uncaring, unsympathetic, almost-sociopathic cunt. I’ve talked about it here. For a long time, I treated girls like mere notches; I ghosted them all the time, I lied to them just to get in their pants, I didn’t give a fuck about their feelings. Things I haven’t done for many years now, and things I don’t advocate anyone else ever doing. So a huge portion of my lays weren’t done ethically; you can definitely be a more ethical player than I used to be. If you’re striving for honesty like I now do myself, you’ll naturally end up with a lower lay count than the one I’ve ended up with; but yours will be more meaningful.
Don’t look at my lay count and assume my sex history is something you should just copy-paste; I went through a lot of horror before I got to the point I’m at now. It took me a long time to work up to pure honesty with everyone I date. It’s taken me a long time to become a positive influence in the world. For a huge portion of my lays, I was not a great human being. I really wasn’t.
You can – and will – do better.
I have faith in you.
