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How to Handle “What are We?” / “Where are We Going?”

December 12, 2019

As I mentioned in You and Me, life is a whole lot easier and goes a whole lot smoother if you’re upfront and honest with girls (and people in general.) Nowhere is this more important than when a girl you’re having casual sex with starts to like you and drops the “Where is this going?” question.

A lot of guys advocate for dodging her question, usually with something like, “What we have is good right now, so let’s not ruin it by putting a label on it.” They advocate for stringing her along a bit and hoping she won’t ask again (for a while).

But honestly, why play games? By doing so, you’re screening in girls who like to be lied to, and you’re creating a situation where neither of you is honest with each other. Things will often blow up when she eventually gets tired of being strung along. Why add unnecessary drama for yourself?

It’s easier to be 100% honest and tell the girl what it is you’re after. I personally say something along the lines of: “Look, I like sex. I’ll never be monogamous. I like you though, and I’m not making any promises but for now I’m happy to keep seeing you. If you’re happy to keep seeing me too, we’ll do that. If you’re ever unhappy, just talk to me and we’ll figure out what to do. I’m never going to lie to you though or promise you something just to get you to stay. That’s retarded.”

By being upfront like this, you’re screening in girls who appreciate honesty and will be upfront with you in return. There’ll be much less drama, she won’t blow up and say “You led me on and wasted my time!” etc. If she’s happy to keep seeing you, you can both relax, knowing you’re on the same page and both want the same thing. That may change in future, but because you’ve already laid the foundations of honesty, she’ll have a calm rational discussion with you if anything does change.

And if you’re worried being honest will cause her to walk away – isn’t that a good thing? Don’t you want to filter out girls who want something different to what you want? If you’re not on the same page, your time would be better spent finding girls who are on the same page as you; girls who don’t want to rush into a relationship too fast.

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Post Information
Title How to Handle “What are We?” / “Where are We Going?”
Author Andy
Date December 12, 2019 3:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Blog Kill Your Inner Loser
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