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Listen to the podcast talking about this, where I cover way more things not mentioned in this article:
So, right off the bat: Most girls donâ€™t care how long your penis is inside them; as long as youâ€™ve spent a bit of time on foreplay, fooling around, teasing her. You know, the other stuff. Yes, your dick will often be the star of the show, but itâ€™s not the only star.
For the most part, guys tend to get very caught up in their own heads about â€śhow long I last once I put my dick in herâ€ť, to the point of neurosis. I used to be exactly the same way myself, before I worked out, â€śHey waitâ€¦ I can just throw in a little foreplay and hey presto! Good sex.â€ť
All that said, I myself like to last for a while â€“ not because I think I â€śneedâ€ť to, but because having sex for a long time is a hell of a lot of fun. If youâ€™re in the middle of enjoying something, why would you want it to end?
So as long as youâ€™re reading this article for the right reasons â€“ because you enjoy sex and want it to last longer, rather than because you think â€śIâ€™m not a man if I canâ€™t last for agesâ€ť â€“ keep reading.
Have Lots of Foreplay
The easiest way to last longer is to not use your dick â€“ do everything but. Go down on her, finger her, play with her tits, make out, tease her, caress her all over. By slowing things down and making her wait a little longer before she gets your dick, youâ€™ll have her dripping wet and begging you to fuck her â€“ so by the time you do shove your sausage in her bun, sheâ€™ll already think youâ€™re a sex god.
As I said in my foreplay guide, you really should just be focusing on foreplay â€“ have 1hr of foreplay where you tease her the entire time and have her begging for you to fuck her, then finally give her what she wants. Even if you only last 30 seconds, itâ€™ll be hot for her â€“ because youâ€™ve been spending the entire time teasing her and itâ€™s built up into an explosive climax. She wonâ€™t think â€śDammit he only lasted 30 secondsâ€ť, sheâ€™ll think, â€śHoly fuck that was intense â€“ all that teasing and then he fucked me and exploded straight away. We were both so built up he couldnâ€™t hold back, thatâ€™s actually really hot.â€ť (Girls have told me this).
That said, I get that a few guys might still want to practice lasting a bit longer, solely because then it means they get to enjoy sex for longer (sex is pretty damn fun). Just make sure youâ€™re doing this because you enjoy sex, not because you think you need to last for hours to please her. Lasting ages isnâ€™t the most important thing; tonne of teasing and foreplay is.
Go read my foreplay guide:
Keep Going After you Cum
This is a badass technique once you get decent at it â€“ but fair warning: itâ€™ll be hard to do the first couple of times you try. After you cum, force yourself to keep fucking her (and you will have to force yourself â€“ youâ€™ll likely be super sensitive). Itâ€™s hard as hell to do, and everything in your body will be telling you to stop, but if you push through itâ€™ll start to feel really good again after a minute or two.
Iâ€™ve done this before and ended up cumming again, which is cool as hell. And trust me, girls will think youâ€™re an absolute monster if you keep ramming them after you bust a nut â€“ itâ€™ll be something no guy has ever done with her before.
You can also practice lasting longer with kegels â€“ listen to the podcast at the top of this page where I talk more about them. Strengthening these muscles allows you to squeeze right when youâ€™re about to cum, and hold yourself off from actually cumming. Over time, as these muscles become stronger, youâ€™ll have almost complete control over when you actually cum.
Your kegel muscles are the same muscles you use to cut off a piss mid-stream; so you already know how to squeeze them. Strengthening them is just a process of working them just like you would any other muscle in the gym. Hereâ€™s a workout guide doing just that:
You can also strengthen your kegel muscles by â€śedgingâ€ť yourself â€“ getting yourself right to the edge of cumming, completely stopping all stimulation (stop touching your dick), and squeezing those kegel muscles like crazy to try and stop yourself cumming. You can do this while jerking off â€“ stop as soon as you feel like youâ€™re really closer to cumming, and squeeze like crazy. Or do it during sex or during a blowjob â€“ right when youâ€™re close, immediately pull away from her and donâ€™t touch anything (tell her what youâ€™re doing, so she doesnâ€™t think somethingâ€™s wrong).
Repeat this as many times as you can, until you finally canâ€™t take it anymore and go over the edge. Keep practicing this over time, and youâ€™ll find yourself having more and more control over your actual orgasm.
Hell, you can make it a fun game you both play together â€“ â€śHow many times can we both get me right to the edge before I canâ€™t hold back any longer?â€ť Most girls find that hot as hell, because theyâ€™ve most likely never been in the position of teasing a guy and getting him close to the edge like that.
And donâ€™t stress if you screw it up the first 10 times you try it â€“ itâ€™s fine if you try to hold off but accidentally cum. Just keep practicing and youâ€™ll get better over a few weeks/months.
Take Frequent Breaks
If you feel like youâ€™re not lasting as long as youâ€™d like in bed, and donâ€™t feel like you have the self-control/kegal muscle strength to stop yourself from cumming, then you just do what I do â€“ cheat by taking lots of breaks. When you feel like youâ€™re getting close to cumming, just pull out and do something else instead â€“ start fingering her, eating her out, playing with her tits, making out with her, etc. Do that for a few minutes, then go back to actual dick-in-pussy sex again.
Or you can have a longer break; go grab a glass of water, go to the toilet, hang out and chill with her a bit, cuddle and talk for a few minutes, etc. After 5 or 10 minutes, you can go back to sex, and you wonâ€™t feel like youâ€™re about to cum.
Donâ€™t worry about the girl thinking itâ€™s weird you keep stopping. Even if she does ask, just say, â€śYouâ€™ve got me really close to cumming, but Iâ€™m having so much fun I want to keep going. Iâ€™ve gotta take breaks to stop myself from cummingâ€ś. Youâ€™ll actually get a few compliments for taking breaks â€“ a few girls will say afterwards, â€śI loved that you kept changing and doing different things. I never knew what would happen next.â€ť Iâ€™ve talked about that here: How to Have Rollercoaster Sex.
This is my secret technique to having marathon sex sessions (6+ hours of sex). I donâ€™t have a super strong kegal muscle, and Iâ€™m not some guru when it comes to sexual self-control. I just cheat by taking frequent breaks â€“ usually a 5-minute break after every 5 minutes of sex.
Taking breaks also takes the pressure off you â€“ you wonâ€™t feel like you have to be some sort of epic sex god. You can just be Mr Regular Guy who only lasts 5-10 minutes, but stretch that out to an hour or more of sex + cuddling + fooling around + more sex + a break + more sex.
Having sex with breaks is also a hell of a lot more fun than regular sex. You get to fuck each otherâ€™s brains out, then have a rest and cuddle, talking a bit and getting to know each other better. Then you get to make out and turn each other on again, fucking like rabbits for a few more minutes â€“ then hangout and maybe watch something on Youtube/Netflix together. Then back to crazy sex for a bit. Itâ€™s a very fun way to spend an afternoon/evening â€“ much more fun than just shoving your cock in her and pounding away nonstop until you cum.
If you cum too quickly, just steal this idea from me â€“ take a bunch of very frequent breaks (I take one of these mini breaks probably once every 2 minutes). Not only will that make you last longer, youâ€™ll also get to enjoy the sex for longer, and sheâ€™ll think youâ€™re a fucking legend.
Try some BDSM
Similar to the foreplay tip above, experimenting with a little BDSM is a great way to slow things down and ramp up her pleasure. You donâ€™t have to go crazy â€“ try blindfolding her and teasing her body for a while, try tying her up and making her beg for your cock (start here), try grabbing an ice cube out of the freezer and gently rubbing it over her body.
The good part about tying her up is you can really slow things down and tease her â€“ including during the actual sex. Fuck her really gently, going as slow as you like, and make it part of the whole BDSM/teasing dynamic. Again, sheâ€™ll think youâ€™re a sex god â€“ and because youâ€™re going really slow, youâ€™ll be able to last a lot longer.
Iâ€™ve got a guide on getting started with BDSM here:
As Iâ€™ve said before, pretty much everything we do is a numberâ€™s game. What that means is, if you suck at something, all you need to do is practice it a tonne of times, and youâ€™ll eventually get pretty decent at it.
Lasting a long time in bed is the same thing â€“ if you donâ€™t last very long, donâ€™t stress. Just practice trying to last a little longer with each time you have sex, and eventually youâ€™ll get good at it. Throw in a bit of foreplay, and youâ€™ll be well on your way to rocking her world.
I completely sucked at sex at the start â€“ itâ€™s normal. I promise youâ€™ll get better over time, like with everything else.
Magic Wand Vibrator: https://killyourinnerloser.com/magic-wand/
Foreplay Guide: https://killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide-4/#32-the-foreplay
How to Get Started with BDSM: https://theinnerwinnershow.com/73/
Part 2: https://theinnerwinnershow.com/74/
How to Have Rollercoaster Sex: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/7170841
Subscribe to hear the latest episodes from my DAILY podcast, The Inner Winner Show. I release daily episodes, guides, life advice, stories of what Iâ€™ve been up to, and much much more, available on all these platforms:
(This articleâ€™s cover photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash)